All content on this blog is fictional and any resemblance with actual events are purely coincidental. When you choose to read this blog you also agree to not get offended or try and use any content to defame me as a person or anyone connected to me. If you cannot commit to this agreement you are violating the agreement you agreed to by reading this blog. I repeat that by the act of reading this blog you are committing to this agreement of not getting upset or using content in a way that could be considered an act of aggression. If you cannot follow this agreement I urge you to not read.

torsdag 14 augusti 2014

Goddess Dreams

After spending time updating the gifts on all my different sites I decided to write on my blogs about them all. If I get to finish that thought - who knows. I will however not tell you that much about the site I am presenting as there is not much to tell. My sites are more a visual experience then one to make understandable in words. One thing I have noticed with my sites is that people have absolutely no problem with my green category. I have never had any complaints about them as they are all about our ordinary lives here on earth. The only negative I've ever heard about my blue sites, which are the fantasy sites, is that I on the group name have put together two words the person considered didn't belong together. Eventually that person turned out to be a really nasty person, as she'd joined that group and tried to start fights and thinking herself entitled. I've read opinions from a man that there is something very wrong with women wanting to call themselves "angels", but I can not really argue with him on that, though he was generalizing a bit too much. Many are the narcissistic women whom like to be likened to an "angel". I made a kind of joke about that, thinking about this man's opinion on the issue, and put a song on one of those sites with the title "I'm no angel". 

But these sites however - my red ones - have I had really horrible attacks on from very nasty people. All women actually. One woman, who got this site from my dear brother, could hardly write and admitted she'd never bothered to go to school. Not even home schooled, mind you. She got very much in victim mood when I tried to reply to her insults, where she said I was stupid more or less, and that my site was of the devil, as I had to tell her that it was hard to understand what she wrote due to all her wrong spellings. Her argument was that I was insulting her due to her inability to spell as she had dropped out of school very early, like that's an excuse. You learn how to spell by reading books and she did know how to read. The page she looked at was this one - Goddess Dreams - and it is mostly in swedish, but I've put in effort in later years to translate alot. The web-browsers do have translaters now, but they suck. Her main argument was that anything to do with the goddess was evil and hence was I promoting evil as she decided that I worshiped the goddess on my sites. I tried to explain that the goddess was me and that it was just for fun. She was totally hateful, as all that was just evil too. Oh well, you can't put love and care into all human beings - some just need to hate and project their own dark souls unto others.

I don't remember anyone really hating this specific page, but there's been a few nasty comments on a couple of other ones. I think even some male had opinions, but all those comments came long time ago when people actually wrote in my guestbooks. This year all my guestbooks got deleted and nobody can write in them anymore. I will keep the messages like they are and perhaps update them with my own messages, as I think I can do that. I have downloaded the guestbooks, which was nice of the owners to offer for free. But most comments I got were very nice, even on my goddess sites. Most people seem to be very kind and like to like others. Those who feel they need to put down and belittle others I've come to realize are not that many. Perhaps as few as 10% or less. In my own family it's more like 50% however, as it's like a virus and once it's caught onto a family line it might infect alot of it's members. That is my conclusion after investigating into this pathology for many years now. It's an infection and most who has it will not mind it, so they will not try to cure themselves from it. 

This is not the same as getting mad as hell over injustice and evil doings in this world. These people actually are very forgiving for such crimes and very unforgiving when it comes to being human and having little quirks and faults. Like talking too much, being shy, liking beautiful art - or other horried crimes. When they hear about mass-murder, child sacrifices and such things they mostly ignore it. Either cause it's too uncomfortable to think about, or cause they actually don't care. I am leaning to the latter as I've heard those judgmental once say things like it's good they bombed a country, where thousands of thousands were slaughtered. And if it's not a total waste of space human being I have then asked them if they are happy for all the children with smashed sculls, loose legs and their guts hanging out? By the look of the judgmental, warmongering person you can tell that they actually never realized the consequences of war. This person I'm thinking about is my own mother. She's been hanging the last years with her youngest daughter, who's been training a military group called "Nordic Battle Group". My sister claims this group is about bringing "peace" to the world. Really? So why are they called "battle" then? 

Before, during all the years married to my father, mother used to promote peace. She was very much in love with JFK and dreamt that Obama was a new JFK. I warned her that she was hypnotized by him and that he was just a front, a phony, and if he'd ever tried to be a new JFK for real, he would for sure be a new JFK - that is shot in the head. She thought I was a loony bin. She always thinks I'm a loony bin and a few years later, or in some cases a few minutes later, she will inform me of the very thing I have told her - and been treated like a loony for - and she will be acting like it's all her idea and that I am the loony not understanding this. Like I say - despite the fact that she got it from me to start with! That is how deep her recentment for me goes. She could never ever admit that I am a wise old woman, who before was a wise young woman. She however can admit that I was a wise baby. She actually believes I was born as a guru, and then degenerated into a drooling fool. Go figure. But what I really wanted to say was that she's spent so much time now with the warmongerers, that are my sister and her husband, so she's changed at the core of her previous believes.

Back at Operation Lead in Gaza mother and my sister's husband had a big row, as mother was against baby murder at that time. At that time her favorite son also was against child murder and bombings of innocent people. I think that was the last time I noticed he felt this way. Later on he's promoting bombing of Libya, Syria and god knows what places. He's focusing all his hate towards Venezuela and are paranoid about Russia. Many consider him influenced by mind control, as he's lived many years in the states and he's very easy to mind control. If you are easy to mind control you will notice it by how easy you are to hypnotize. That is the best clue. He's so easy to hypnotize he could easily do it on himself. I don't know how he ment he did that, but all I can do which is close to hypnotize is to focus on a memory and try to see what else I can pick out when in that moment. It might work and it might not. I do not - however - feel like I'm out, or hypnotized. I only feel focused. Anyways mothers changed started after her favorite son's change, and I think his change started during the Obama election. Not at once, but slowly. He was totally into Obama, but I think that he then figured out he was too lame, too nice to Venezuela. His hatred for that nation comes from the family he married into. He hates Cuba too. 

He's married into latin elite, and they kill those poor people wanting justice. There is so much killing and hate going on there that he's changed totally. He's so angry, so nasty, lying without shame that it's obvious he's influenced by this family. The end justifies the means, kind of people. To live with themselves people like that abandon real care, I've been told. They have to or their guilt for all the murders and pillage will burden them down. At the start my brother would be upset over the unfairness and the murdering, but after awhile there was so much violence from all sides he picked a side and went with that. There is only two sides really  - to kill or not to kill. Those who are killing are all the same and the victims of their killings in many cases are not killers. They just got in the way. It's the same with those folks living in Palestine. They were just born there, and they got in the way. So back then mother was upset cause the israelies were slaughtering innocent people, who only wanted freedom and to live in peace, and she had a row with her son-in-law who thought it very good to murder little babies as that was an honorable thing to do for a soldier. 

Being a soldier himself, and once living in Israel, he totally agreed with Operation Lead. Hence the big fight. It was after that fight I got some complaints from my sister about mother, but she made it out as if mother lacked all forms of empathy. She was however right about mother lacking good social skills, like charming people and conning them to trust her, like my sister and her husband have both loads of. The thing that has hurt me the most with mother my whole life is this very thing, that I have never hold her bad social skills against her, have time and time again let her stupid overreactions pass without judgment, and even her behavior to my children I made excuses for. I honestly thought she was good, deep down, as I had a dream when a child that she was half evil and half good. But that mother rather supports this evil childmurderer supporting bastard and his fake and judgmental wife, then me. And that is what is the deepest hurt. It took me months to reconciliate the fact that my own mother rather spent time with pro-childmurderers then with her by a miracle still alive daughter - me. A daughter she should be blessing the goddess every day still is with us. Or thank god, if she rather prefers that. Or atleast show me some appreciation. But she has not. 

Honestly I think that is a part of her poor social skills and her total lack of self-reliance. She's mesmerised by the ones who look so very self-confident and she generally behaves like those who follow the bullies around, as if some of that strength would rub off on them. Her son-in-law called her an energy thief after their row and demanded that his wife contacted me and made me take over the responsibility for mother. Whenever she's been here my husband never ever argued with her or been impolite to her. She's known him for 25+ years. This other one she's known for little more then 10 years by now and still she sides with him and frame my husband for making threats towards me, and she tells this false tale to all sorts of relatives. She's gotten the mail where my sisters husband is threatening me, and also the mail from my brother, where he's making accusations at me, making up that I've been threatening my sister, which was not true. My mother has received those horrible lies from all of them, while herself realizing that all I had done was to take an oath, myself, and daring my sister to follow my example. 

Which my sister of course refused, as she could hear what a terrible oath I had taken. The terrible oath, that I had taken, must have been their base for their twisted assumption I was making threats. It was a terrible oath, which my sister never dared to take. Only I did. In my opinion my brothers reaction to my oath and my sisters projections of all her ill will unto me, together with my brother-in-laws very hostile and rude behavior, where he promised him and his wife were to have me arrested due to their false accusations is just like the israelis are doing. They are playing indignation and victims, while hurting others and lying about them. That is the actions of evil-possessed people. Satanists. Mother used to want to become an angel, but so far she's chosen all evil there is before love and care. My greatest sorrow is that I was unable to convert her from her evil part, fully into only her good part. When I heard her salute the killing of all these people in Libya a few years back my heart sank. I wondered if she'd only faked her concerns all this time, or if she truly was that dark in her soul.

In the mails that my sister wrote to me on her husbands request, back in January 2009, she said that her and her husband thought mother had no empathy for other people in horrible situations. At the time I got those mails I didn't know about the row mother had had with them, where they had been pro-Israel and mother pro the freedom fighters. She'd compared them to herself, when she had joined the Swedish women defence forces back in the times when WWII had ravaged Europe. Their mission had been to hinder the enemy whatever it took, if they arrived to our soil and took over the land. That was what the palestinans did, fair and square, she reasoned, and I totally agreed with her and was so proud she knew right from wrong. But then all changed after her favorite son turned sides and no longer cares for what is right and what is wrong anymore. He sent me a mail after my oath-video and wrote that I am lost if I think in the terms true or false, which is the same as right or wrong in my language, so I am only trying to use new words here. He used the same.

Mother had promised her favorite daughter to be a witness and claim she knew what was in the written agreement between my sister and our father. She admitted weeks later that she never had read it - ever. But when I was informed of this I felt I should no longer speak with her at the moment, as she'd now openly chosen to help my sister by lying about the content of the agreement. As I had read the agreement in September 2012, when my sister had me to read it very carefully, I knew mother would lie saying what my sister said she would say. My sister said that either I should listen to mothers testimony about the content, or I should believe her, and that she'd never shown the agreement to me. At that time the oldest brother had already said he remember the event, when I was reading that agreement, and he agreed that it was just like I said. Still my sister refused to admit to it and our other brother was bullying me severely for sticking to the truth. He was modifying our conversations and making ridiculous mails he sent off to mother, making it out like it was him and our sister who was trying to follow this agreement, and us two (who actually had read any of it) who was not. What we demanded was to be able to read it again - and then we'd see what it said. Nothing more.

The sister just lied and lied and the oldest brother got a mail from his brother, where he threatened him with stupid things that did not make sense, if he didn't make me take back my claim of reading this agreement. His threat was something we'd all agreed on was a very good solution, so why use it as some kind of "threat". It was ridiculous. He said that if we didn't stop demanding to see this agreement our sister might want to sell her share of the property. We'd already all agreed on that we wanted her to do that, so why was that a problem? Our brother was really behaving odd. In my view it's these odd behaviors that show you that the person is out of his mind. There is something not right there. Mothers reply to my oath was also weird. She was talking nonsens about  witness psychology, projecting that this was what all the threats were about - a discussion on psychology. They were trying to make me scared, mother! How could you not see that? They were so nasty and unfair and hostile I almost peed my pants. I never even dare to see any of them, that is how scared I am of my sister, her husband and my closest brother. I am lethally scared of them. Only very dangerous people make threats like they did there. People who want to harm your very soul. I had only taken an oath and I had explained very carefully what kind of oath that was.

Mother said nothing about any threats in my oath, which was well and fine. Atleast she hadn't bought that lie - that I was a threat to these nasty con men and women. But she refused to see that I must be the one telling the truth, as both me and her oldest son said the same thing and were both there with our kid sister. Mother knows, deep down inside, which one of us is the honest one, the caring and nurturing one. She even wrote that in her letter to me, even if she made it out as that would be my death. But she also had added lots of my sisters projections in that letter. It was totally obvious to me, when mother implied that I was envious of others, more capable women. That was so 100% taken from my sisters wet dreams. She's the envious one of us, the ambitious one, the one who needs lots of admiration and will hate a guy just for not adoring her, but seeing through her phony facade. I too see through her, but whatever she was still my sister and I still loved her - despite of all her nastiness. I only didn't like to be with her anymore, and specially not when she was married to a douchebag. 

Her first husband was so nasty to me and after a short while this one too started to insult me and hurt my feelings. I never really tried to fight back, but it's hard to not say anything when being insulted on purpose, so perhaps I tried to a little bit. But now I see that it was not the guys, it was all my sisters doings. She's the one envious of me, and that is why I always feel bad when with her. Like it's a contest and I am failing so much as I am not doing good enough, just being me. I don't care about looking perfect and such things normally, but with her it feels like I should feel ashamed how horrible I look. That is the only feeling she really gives me - shame. It's not envy, it's feeling like not good enough for her. When I am with non-envious people I never feel like that. I feel it often with people I would call narcissists, specially women like that, but also men. When I look back on everyone making me feel ashamed and ugly it's always a person with distinct narcissistic traits. They always tries to flirt with my husband, and they always gets furious if their spouse seems the slightest positive towards me.

That is if it's a woman. Men like that tend to insult you in front of their women, to make her see how ugly and unattractive you are. That is why such men makes me uncomfortable as I already feel old and worn out without further putdowns. Funny enough a narcissist I know, who lives close by, who's behaved in this very way with me, she prefers my sister before me any day. She even asks about her, but she does so blatantly not like me at all. Why do you think? I think cause her husband let it slip at the beginning, a tiny bit, that he found me pretty. After that she was all over my husband doing stuff you should not try to do to another woman's husband. Different sets of rules, being cheeky and then play the innocent card. However she's not a malignant narcissist and I don't dislike her that much. I've never badmouthed her to others either. What I've heard about them though is that they are badmouthing everyone they'd befriended, after they grew tired of them. Which never takes long. That is very typical narcissists - short and intense friendships that then evaporates. I'm more a loner and those I befriend I love for life.

Maybe you have noticed that I have hardly spoken about the content of this site I am promoting here. It's cause there is not much to say really. The theme is both asian and native american, which might feel confusing until you realize it's not. They are connected by blood. There is also many pages about the different faces of the goddess, as we all have sides in us that we either choose to use or to neglect. In a split personality every each one of these traits might come out like a different person, very much like all these goddesses I show. It was great fun doing those sites and the first one about Afrodite I did many years earlier then the rest. It was the original goddess page. The most fun part of doing all these goddesses was how I re-made the original graphic into different hair colours and dress colours. Sometimes she's blond, then a red head, a brunette, black haired, almost grey and so on. As I am born on a friday, the day of Frey and Freya, I most feel connected to Afrodite, who's like Freya goddess of love. And like Venus, who's number is said to be 6, and I was born in the sixth month. Friday is of course the real sixth day, as the week should start at the beginning - the Sunday.

But what is more interesting is the time I was born and my name. It was father who gave me my name. The goddess of love in Sumer was called Inanna and her number was 15. I was born 15:15. My name is very similar to the Ing-rune, which is the rune of love, the rune of Freya. Inanna was famous for stealing the knowledge from the creator god Enki. My name actually means "the one who knows Enkis secret", which of course was Inanna. If you go back in time you will see the spelling of my name is the same as Enkirun. Now it's Ingerun, but it's a later change done hundreds and hundreds years back in the early viking era. Many say the vikings originated from a people coming here back in 1500 BC, which is about when Sumer civilization had totally vanished. They say that the reason the nordics survived the Black Death better then anyone else was cause it was the same kind of plague that had ravished Sumer at the time of it's end. And the nordics had the same DNA as the missing elit families that had been vanquished from Sumer as punishment for the plague.

My father once wrote a book about Sumer and his great mystery was why that civilization vanished. That is another connection as it was him who insisted on me having that name. Mother wanted me to be called Birgitta, so that's my second name. I do think she liked my name as she adores her niece Inger so much. I am nothing like Inger, by the way. A big disapointment. Inger is the godmother of my sister, however, and Inger never has liked me at all, but she did seem to realize at her mothers funeral that I was ok. I absolutely loved her mother, though she was very timid and silent, but she had a big heart filled with rightful anger, as her family was mistreating her in her childhood so severely. Want an angry child? Beat the crap out or him or her now and then and never give them any form of redemption. Also, shame them so they never can speak about the hurts publicly, so the anger will fester deep within and come out as borderline rants, and everyone will think you are a loony. How many do you think would be just fine if they'd had a loving childhood without abuse? 

I'm at the end here and I've forgot to mention my graphics here. Seven of them are made after tutorials and then there are a few I have made myself, using some pretty graphics. The first, third and sixth are made after my own head. The second gift was not totally done correctly from the tutorial, but I liked this version too and kept it. The others are pretty much as they were suggested by the tuts except the scrapping, that one I redid with different material, but still following the tut. I find this site very rejuvenating and strong. It's dark but not in a sad way, but in a good way - like the night sky. The entrance is of course very dreamy and as with all my sites there are poems here and there. These red sites are more to do with inner strength and the love of our hearts then anything else. It's like the power of nature itself woven into them. One could say that they are pagan, but not by any premeditated intent or of some kind of propaganda purpose, but cause that is how I myself perceive things. I've never belonged to any cult, nore have I studied any to try and imitate them. These images and symbols just spoke to me and they had a purpose why I put what I put where I put it, which is for me to know only.
IngRuna - Love Circle

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