Disclaimer

All content on this blog is fictional and any resemblance with actual events are purely coincidental. When you choose to read this blog you also agree to not get offended or try and use any content to defame me as a person or anyone connected to me. If you cannot commit to this agreement you are violating the agreement you agreed to by reading this blog. I repeat that by the act of reading this blog you are committing to this agreement of not getting upset or using content in a way that could be considered an act of aggression. If you cannot follow this agreement I urge you to not read.

lördag 5 december 2015

Smear Anonymous 2



I caught this discussion under a narcissist survivor video. Mind you that "Me Myself" is NOT me, but someone calling themself that. Just so you know. I want to post this to show you how a smear campaign looks, where someone is claimed to be something they are not. Light of Knowledge seems to live in Brazil, speak portuguese (I love that language) and has so far only been a perfectly kindhearted and nice human being. Something I regretedly cannot claim about this smearer. Truth is in your actions, not in some random picture on your channel!

Please notice that the smearer immediately dismisses a very polite comment in defence of the smeared party using the TRICK of being an EXPERT. That is one of the most common tricks narcissists (and all smearers) use when they want to put others down. They just claim the others lack their superior knowledge. That does not mean that the narcissist, I mean the person claiming to be knowledgable, isn't right sometimes. Even a broken clock is correct atleast two times in 24 hours. I will now just post the thread so you can see for yourself how totally void of any proof a smearer can be, and still feel entitled to drag other people in the mud.

I've underlined a few pearls, both those that represent tricks people use to defame others, by dragging in wellknown "memes" to make them look bad, and those comments that are opposing these attempts. Remember, these symbols he's bashing are thousands of years old and originates from the Ancients. They are all power symbols the psychopathic virus has stolen and turned into something else in the minds of the easily decieved. It's time to take back our world and our symbols! I have nothing more to add to this, as I think it speaks for itself from hereon:
 
This is the Black Sun 4x5 speaks about!

EE EE says:
URGENT! There's a new channel for Narc Survivors called, "Light of Knowledge". He uses Nazi symbolism at the beginning of each video. It seems he's attempting to draw in people who aren't familiar with the white power symbolism. I want to warn the people in the healing community.

Me Myself says:
+EE EE Thank you for your concern and with due respect, please do your homework on symbols, their meanings and origin before you accuse people of being something they may not be. I have watched this channel and believe you are mistaken. Peace.

EE EE says:
+Me Myself I know all about white supremacist groups, have studied them for years. I have a database of their symbols. The cross he uses is the same one used by the KKK. The "o" with a cross in it originated in Nazi Germany and is used by every white supremacist group. Wake up! Look it up.

Denice P says:
+EE EE the nazi's hijacked a lot of ancient symbols. The swastika was stolen from Hindu religion. If you have been studying supremacist groups for years, your perception of these symbols will reflect that.

EE EE says:
This is true. But would you use a KKK cross or other Nazi symbol on your website or other media? This person is using the KKK cross and the black sun symbol. Plus, listening to his rhetoric raises a real red flag. I'm just warning people. There are those who take advantage of people who are trying to heal, feeling lost, needing a place. Horrible. I'm no font of intelligence but this is the one thing I know all about. Please be careful and weigh his words.

Here are some Ancient symbols used in Africa!

Narcmare Aware says:
+EE EE You need to watch who you accuse and of what you accuse them of. I've seen Light of Knowledge and I am also aware of symbolism. Sayinim much?

Narcmare Aware says:
+EE EE That is a sun wheel. And it has been used for thousands of years by many people including the "native" Americans. You don't know anything you are talking about.

EE EE says:
+Narcmare Aware That's the one subject I do know about. He's using it in conjunction with a KKK cross. Total red flag. I'm not telling anyone not to watch him, just warning about something I know to be true. Proceed with caution is all I'm saying. I have a vast database of all the white supremacist symbols and have fought against this for years. White supremacists are classic examples of Cluster B. I don't mind being called out on anything, it keeps me honest. But I know about this. "Fight Them, Never Fear Them."

Narcmare Aware says:
Oh, I see tell us about the jewish extremist groups that you fight against, and the black groups you fight against. La Raza (the race), The Black Panthers, The ADL. I'm sure you don't just single out one extremist group do you? Or do you just have some paranoid fascination with these groups you talk about?

EE EE says:
+Narcmare Aware Anon fights injustice, period. WTAFis your problem? So sensitive about white supremacist hate groups. I refuse to hijack this comments section. Let's take it to private email. Unless you want to show off for all the world to see, hmmmm....



Narcmare Aware says:
I'm sensitive to the truth. All extremists groups are wrong. I don't have the time or the patience to point out your intellectual dishonesty here. 

EE EE says:
+Narcmare Aware, sensitive to truth? Not enough to re-examine a sacred cow. Not sure what you're trying to prove, but I will not go along with your little shit storm. Buh-bye. I have no time for narcs like you.

EE EE says:
+Narcmare Aware What makes you think this was aimed at you? Everything in the world is not about you. Plus you just raised another red flag with antisemitism. Take it to email.

Queen Angelica says:
+Narcmare Aware Totally agree with your here - about hate groups. I would had liked this point being adressed and not diverted from, as diversion from righteous claims is also part of our problem in this world, so thanks for putting it out there. And it's impossible to find any symbol today that has not been misused by "nasties". I'm sure they love to take a symbol for health, joy and prosperity and put it onto a hate group. Psychopaths... :(((

EE EE says:
+Queen Angelica They do appropriate good things and kinda crap on them. My assessment wasn't only based on the symbols he uses, but by the content in his videos. Nazis aren't looked upon as the "big bad" as much as they used to be. For a young generation, they are the bad guys in video games or in movies. This guy is using the same old techniques to draw people in. This is the one thing I'm versed in, LOL! Everybody needs to know one thing, right?

This is the Six Pointed Star!

Narcmare Aware says:
+Queen Angelica I know! I find it interesting that only some are singled out. Seems like a passive aggressive technique aimed at an entire race of people. All races matter. All races have committed crimes, genocide etc. Religion of all kinds has been used against the human species. Everyone has been guilty at one time or another. Just the other day I saw that the six pointed star is really related to devil worship!!!

Narcissist Free says:
+Narcmare Aware The six pointed star has been used in most religions. It is a mandala symbol representing the heart chakra, as well as used in Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity, Mormonism, Rastafarians, Raelism, Occultism, and Free Masonry - basically everyone has used it at one time or another.

Narcmare Aware says:

+Narcissist Free Yes. Thank you exactly my point. To attribute one meaning to a symbol is absurd. i.e. Hinduism has used the six pointed star and the swastika for thousands of years. Now the six pointed star is used as a vicious symbol to attack anyone who doesn';t agree with the "chosen";. but hey....lets bring up some stuff from seventy years ago that may or may not be true and forget present day oppression of anyone that stands in their way and call them names. To me the "chosen" are the ultimate pschopathic narcissists. Simply apply the same knowledge about narcissists to world events and...VOILA!!! History makes sense.... I really do enjoy your channel very much by the way. I hope my thoughts on this subject haven't offended you in any way.

Queen Angelica says:
+Narcmare Aware I've seen the swastica ON the six pointed star and it was used as a jewish symbol... Sigh... Makes you go really tired. :)))

Phosphoros illegal bombs on the NOT choosen people!

Narcmare Aware says:
+Queen Angelica "To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize". -Voltaire
We're not allowed to criticize the narc, nor are we allowed to criticize the actions of the "chosen". So they throw all kinds of meaning with "databases of hate symbols" LOL!!!!!!!! and never answer for their own actions. Exactly........like.......narcissists.

Queen Angelica says:
+Narcmare Aware Narcs totally has the world under a spell of crazy, so whoever is in power, my guess, a lying narc. I would be seriously impressed if someone raise to power and was not a liar, a narc, a psychopath. Like an empath.. wow... That would had been amazing! Most likely that person soon be either physichally or character murdered soon. :(((

EE EE says:
+Narcmare Aware Sigghhh.. This is ridiculous. I give zero fucks what you watch. This wasn't directed at you. The world doesn't revolve around you. I know about this subject, have researched it for years. Enjoy your show.

Queen Angelica says:
+EE EE And how do you know that not others here have researched shit like this for years? Great you have, but just saying.



EE EE says:
+Queen Angelica And how do you know that this was aimed at you? News Flash! The world does NOT revolve around you. Everything someone says isn't about you. I'm confidant in my knowledge and research. It's my "job". #OppKKK

Queen Angelica says:
+EE EE ???? Of course you were attacking N A - everything is not as it seems to you. You attacked with ad hominen tricks. I don't like such slime. And NOW you did the same to me for trying to make you THINK. :(((
I can assure you I have NO such illusions. I actually think I'm invisible and that this world wants me to kill myself. I'd love nothing more then to go home where people love me - to the Source. So thank you for convincing me yet again this is a hateful place.

Narcmare Aware says:
+Queen Angelica Please see your private message box. Thank you.

EE EE says:
+Queen Angelica, no, I never use "tricks". I say exactly what I know and give zero fucks what anyone thinks. You seem to want attention, "Queen". Are you getting it? I'm not going to give you any more supply. This was not aimed at you. The world does not revolve around you. News Flash! You're not the center of the universe. "Queen". No more supply from me. Get it someplace else.
Anonymous E



EE EE says:
+Queen Angelica I will continue to call bullshit if I see it. I do not bow to narcs. Get your supply from someone else. E

Queen Angelica says:
+EE EE I agree, you can go and feed off someone else, dude. I followed Light of Knowledge a long time and saw nothing "nazi" there. And I can bet you that there is nothing nazi I don't know about by this time. I don't take easy at smear campaigns. Another typical sign of narcissism. Like projection. Have a good life 5-5-5-5.

EE EE says:
+Queen Angelica Whatever. Whatever. Whatever. It is my job. I will call bullshit if I see it. I give zero fucks what you think I know exactly what I'm talking about. I do not care if you don't like it. I wasn't talking to you. You jumped in because of some need to show off. I. Was. Not. Addressing. You. Get the fuck over it.

Queen Angelica says:
+EE EE wow i rest my case. 5555

EE EE says:
+Queen Angelica Good.
________________________________________
People into a belief system will defend it aggressively.

If you have ANY awareness of how an immature aggressive mind works you've already picked up tons of RED FLAGS in this very young person's comments. First it's obvious it is a young male. Second his mission is to smear someone for unknown reasons, as the one smeared has zero nothing to do with white suprimacy, which he claims. If you are looking for a little peg with magnifying glasses I'm sure you might believe you found a log, however. So whatever he thinks he's read I'm sure it's just as well founded as his assumpations about the Queen. Take something and run with it. I've seen people calling themselves empaths, and by that assumed they felt they were empaths. But this guy actually believes people calling themselves "Queen" are believing themselves to be Queens in reality. That is just too funny as that is an old well used nick referring to a female ruling her household - her castle. It's just a freaking metaphore for being the mother of the family! How can he not know that? Being such an experts on symbols and what people mean, that is a pretty dead give away of his total incompetence in present day use of terms.

That said I like to adress the more disturbing tricks this con artist is using to make himself out as the good, straight forward guy, when doing nothing else but smearing a third party not present in the "room". He claims he's an EXPERT, so thereby in the know of some secret knowledge that he hopes the rest of us lacks. He then reverts to personal attacks - ad hominen attacks - when he has no more arguments, like calling the other's statements "ridiculous", and framing the opponent with political not correct opinions. The anti-semitist attack is a typical sign of this trick and only used by the most low-lives in the universe. That is lower then low, while the same person will not raise his voice in defence of all those children blown to pieces, melting aways in the rain of FORBIDDEN WEAPON. I think they call it phosphoros or something - sorry, I'm no experts, but there are tons of proof they do this, creating hell on earth. And this fighter against evil is attacking a kindhearted, lovely person, while defending these CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY !!!! What a hypicrite!

More phosphoros bombs on civilian living areas!

I could go on and on about this issue, but if you don't see this vileness above, you are part of it. Part of smearing good people and defending the most horrendeous crimes on earth. While people are looking with magnifying glasses for imaginary flaws in good people, they are using huge blindfolders to not see the most blatent and gigantic flaws in their choosen evil doers. So above, so below. So notice he keeps replying to people and then villify them when they respond, and claiming he's NOT replied. That is one huge RED FLAG for a narcissist, as this is so confusing, and makes you feel guilty for replying. But this boy - EEEE - is the one replying and you have a right to respond when spoken to, but just like a typical narc he says you don't. All the name calling is just such a dead give away I won't even go there, as if you don't see it, well, you don't. Another sign is how he keeps saying that he will NOT hear you. Of course not! Narcs NEVER listen to others, as they have already made up their minds, and now they are only out to WIN.

As an ending to this I want to point out the ironic projection trick which narcs love to do. We might all be guilty of it, from time to time, but with all the other signs above this can not be one of those times. He calls those outsmarting him to be attention seeking narcissists! He's the one starting this defamation thread, then going to the owner of this channel and sucking up and playing all innocent and apologizing for causing problem, then going back and spewing hate and name calling again in the thread, just like a narcissist would do. But being street smart he does NOT attack the channel owner, as that would not serve his agenda, which is to smear another channel. The other channel owner seems also to be very friendly with a guy this channel owner once fell out with, as that guy started a smear campaign about her. As that guy seems to have it tough I guess he did not want to take sides in something he knew nothing about, and most times that guy is alright, but none of us are perfect and some of us are sometimes a bit crazy.

This guy only did his job too for his masters!

Actually, there was one more point that stuck out, and that was how he said so many times that this was his job. If this was his job to go and bash random channels, for god knows what reason, I can understand why he did not like to be spoken bad to, as it's not fun when you are only out to "sell your product". So if his mission only was to create mistrust and hate among people against others, believing them to me "nazis" and "anti-semites", well, it all makes sense as he used quite many of the tricks those mind fuckers like to use. I've posted them on another post here on my blog, so you can go and look them up for yourself. It's all the crap of ridiculing, name calling, defaming, deflecting, diversions, making any opposition look bad that way. If you've ever been around this place called earth and actually not been a pathetic apath only out for your own benifite, but cared for honesty and truth, and the best for all mankind, then I'm sure you've seen ALOT of this crap. They are very good at it and most who do it will hide behind this cloak of righteousness. It's demonic, if you ask me.

So since I feel a very Source-based energy from Light of Knowledge, and a very low, dark energy from EE EE, it's easy for me to understand what this was all about. It's the constant war I've been afflicted by my whole life. The virus does NOT want us here! It does NOT want us from Source here! It want us to kill ourselves, it want us to fail, it is desperate and it will use anyone willing to help it out to succeed. And yes, it's very peculiar the choice of the nick "EE EE" considering what THAT means... So him claiming to know his symbols gets really ridiculous when you see that - EE EE or 55 55. Why four fives? All over the place where these mind fuckers rule they use this E. All over this 5. And mind you, I'm not the one noticing, but it's something wellknown by those into this shit, so just saying. I think maybe Trutharicy-channel has something more on it, but I'm not sure. He has alot of weird stuff there, and you can think what you want about him, as he does come off very cocky, but he makes mind blowing videos that must had taken alot of work. Peace out!

IngRuna - Love Circle
The Demon attacking us in the 90's!



måndag 2 november 2015

Spirit Alchemy & Souls


As I was listening to this video I yet again was reminded of the truth of this realm. How we all need to take a good look at ourselves and make a conscious decision to evolve from petty connery and scams and into being loving honest souls. You are what you are, but you are the only one who can deciede if this is all you are. Whatever you are is not able to change by conning others into believing you are what you are not. So scammers pretending to be saints, while villifying innocent people and lying about their own true nature, are not conning anyone but themselves in the end. If you think your tricks and lies will make you a better person, think again. The only one loosing is you. The person you have hurt through your lies is at the end better off then you are, as that person decieded to not lie and cheat and pretend to be someone they were not. They either walked away in tears from your lying, and decieded that if this is how you want things to be between you two, so be it. Or they decieded to set record straight and told the truth, whether that was used against them or not. 

It is like this you see, liar, that when you are conning others using false perceptions to make the innocent look bad and the perpetrator to look good, this will fall back on yourself. When you then go on and use the lied about persons corrections of your lies as further victimizations of the innocent, you are yet again cursing yourself further. The more you are lying and trying to bully and force the truthful person into seize revealing what was really going on, the more you are damaging yourself and your own souls progression. When you are helping out, as a bystander, to bully the truthteller and falsly accused and shaming them to not speak out and not defend themselves, you are also cursing yourself the same way. This is the reason the wisdom says you shall not meddle when you are not wanted by all parties. And when a person is lured into a situation by one or a few parties, and told to meddle and sort out the "bad ones" it is most likely the lying bullies who try to use the force of many to subdue the ones standing up for themselves.


When you die you will travel to the point where your soul is at, so if you are believing in lies and deliberately helping out to bully innocent people and harming them, you will be reborn into a situation that fits your vibration. You will then have to endure another lifetime of unfairness and lies and be tossed between feeling yourself victimized and then yourself lending your powers to bully others, just as you've done in the past. It will be an endless cycle of very low vibrations and you will not come one bit closer to go home or go back to Source. Your suffering will feed the entities that live on such misconduct and everyone of them will be ever so thankful for your selfsacrifiece, as at the end they will have consumed all the juice from your soul. Whatever happens at that time I'm not privilieged to know, and I really don't want to find out. Hopefully there is no such thing as "soul death" but I would not bet against it. Maybe you get to be born into such an empty being yourself, who have to suck the life out of others as you have totally lost all connection with Source.

I think you know yourself when you read this if you still have a connection at all, at this moment. If you do there is still time and you can fix this mess as it's not too late yet. Whatever lies you've believed you can deciede to work towards the truth. You can deciede that you will no longer lend your services to conners and liars, and that you will no longer yourself make up such schemes to hurt innocent and kindhearted people, just cause it's easy picking with them. It is neither cool or brave to trick those that believe in you and who trust you. It is just pathetic and weak. But if you read this and can not understand a word I've just written, my guess is that it's far too late for you. Unless you don't understand my english, in which case that might be why. A person who have no honest own creativity and imaginary powers, and only can use deception and trickery to get ahead is most likely too far gone. It is very hard to figure out whom such people are, as that is something only they themselves could know as such people tend to pretend to be creative and use words and flattery to seem sweet.


More or less I'd say that someone who know they've hurt someone else, through manipulations and deceptions, and will react with further hurt and lies when the person speaks the truth, that is most likely such a lost soul. If it's such an individual who willingly and fully aware can calmly and calculating lie to make the truthteller look like a bafoon. And smearing and defaming and doing all sorts of trickery, with a joyful smirk and no own pains or sufferings. That is such a dead soul I think. A living soul will feel and react to others pain and want to help out to make misunderstandings go away. When someone rather choose to believe lies and despite all proof rather pick on the proven innocent, that one definitely has choosen the dark path of doom. So you have both the original liar and those choosing to follow them down this very gloomy way. As long as both of them choose the lies and deception before truth and honesty I think they are equally doomed. The same goes for those who desperately hang onto the liars lies, despite them hearing testimonies of their falsehood. 

True believers in liars will make up lies to themselves to comfort their primary believes and to make themselves feel better for haunting and tormenting the innocent. So when trying to feel better themselves they are searching for any slight little piece of shit about the innocent one, which they can build a mountain of, so to pin all the guilt and blame onto this little speck. It might not be more then a made up fault or something totally exaggerated that normally anyone is allowed to do, but to feel better about believing lies about the innocent, the one who wont meet his own shame will do this. That is yet again a terrible act and will take the doer on a dark path. All these actions are only there to fool the weak minded into choosing the path those refusing to walk towards the Source want mankind to walk. They cannot stay and have to leave very soon, and their wish is for you to come with them. To that I say no thank you, but if the liars and con artists want to go, be my guest. As I've said many times before it's very late now and for many the train has already left the station. 

 
When I talk about it being too late, it's never too late on the greater scale of things, but it is too late for the here and now. In the reality we live in now it's getting very late and alot of people have choosen the dark path and will not be able to stay here anymore soon. All those will be taken away somewhere, and I don't really know how this will happen, but I suspect they will die and not be allowed to get reborn onto this realm again, but sent elsewhere. This realm is this very dimension, this plane, and not far away from here lies a very depressing place, I've visited many times, as so many souls are aspiring to go there. In that realm there is constant war and terror, and it's a typical dystopia. That is the place all who wont choose the lighter path will go to and I wish you all the best of luck there. You will always have your mouthful of constant struggle and suffering, lies, deception, and unfairness in abundance. It's a place I like to call Hell, as there is no other place I've been to that would be more suited to call that. 

When I say I've visited it, I don't mean in real life, but only in spirit, and only to see and learn how far gone those belonging there is lost to Sourse. It's been a constant struggle to go there and try to save a few of the more innocent souls and bring them with me to safety. Those few I got with me were almost always only children, who'd suffered endlessly in that place, while their parents showed them no concern as care is not present in that place. What is present however is greed and cruelty, which is why there is never ending wars and torture going on in such a realm. Even the evil ones, who you cannot really see here, are openly visable in that place and they make all the inhabitants obey them without any sign of own will. It's cause this is the true homeworld of these entities and they want you to come and live with them. Good luck with that, liars. Or rather I would like to urge you to take back all your lies and ask those you've wronged for forgiveness, but I know you wont as liars rarely do and the longer someone believed lying is the way of life, the harder it gets.


And that was about all I had to say about this matter and what will happen to all who lie to get ahead and bring suffering to others, while themselves laughing, drinking and thinking they are the best, due to their ability to con others. Mind you that what you think a person is does not matter, as what the person really is matters only. So those looking happy and successful and trustworthy, while villifying others as terrible people, might actually be total shitheads who ruthlessly steal from others both money and honor. The Source does not care one eota for your mind tricks and little acts and plays as Source knows who you are inside. 

If you are rotten to the core and love to trick and lie and smear innocent people, Source knows this and therefore your soul knows it and that means you will soon reap what you've sown in the greater scales then this short and pathetic life you have now. The con pulled on people like you is that this is all there is, as this is very little of all that is. It is a speck in it all and shortly none of us will remember much of it, as greater things will come to be for us who choose to not lie and not act like mean prats. Just so you know!

IngRuna - Love Circle


söndag 6 september 2015

Psykiska Vampyrer 2


De individer som bara är ute efter att tillfredsställa sina egna behov på bekostnad av andras väl och ve kallar jag psykiska vampyrer då de stjäl andras livskraft med sina sjuka lekar för att få mer än andra. Förra året i april så samlade jag ihop lite olika lösa tankar runt just det som hänt mig under det då gångna året och nu tänkte jag lägga ut de tankarna och minnena här. Jag gör det fullt medveten om att samma psykiska vampyrer har tillgång till den här bloggen, helt utan min önskan eller kunskap hur det gått till. Därmed riskerar jag ytterligare lögner och förtal ifrån dem, men med tanke på allt de redan gjort och sagt så lär det inte vara mycket mer elakt de kan dra till med. Det är dessutom en särskild strategi mobbare använder sig av för att tysta oss riktiga människor, oss med riktig, ursprunglig livskraft. Det att mobbas genom att förtala och förvanska allt som vi gör och yttrar oss om. 

Det är faktiskt ett typiskt drag på psykiska vampyrer att de ens bryr sig om att förfölja andra och trakassera vad de skriver och allt de gör och yttrar. En normal och känslomässigt frisk människa beter sig inte på det viset mot andra människor. Om en normal människa inte vill höra elaka saker sagda av någon annan, så helt enkelt låter vi bli att gå bort och lyssna på den personen vi vet är skitförbannad på oss. Enda skälet en normal människa skulle gå bort till en person som är skitförbannad på en är för att ta reda på varför, så att vi kan bli vänner igen om det är möjligt. Men det är inte därför en psykisk vampyr hälsar på, när den vet att man är skitförbannad på den. Enda skälet denne gör en påhälsning är för att hitta skit om en så att de kan eskalera konflikten genom att göra än värre skada. De önskar att du inte blir lugnare, gladare eller att ni skapar harmoni i er relation. De önskar psykiskt knäcka dig genom att fullkomligt förödmjuka dig inför alla människor. Det och inget annat är de här parasiternas sanna mål med all interaktion de har med "nära och kära".
Så nu följer en del av det som jag skrev i april 2014: När hon så malligt ljög om att hon inte sagt en osanning under skiftet hade vi också avslöjat att hon fått 30 tkr 1998, som hon sagt att hon INTE fått. Så oavsett om det var slarv, dåligt minne, eller medveten lögn, så var det en OSANNING, och vi visste ALLA om att hon sagt det, när hon skriver det där om att allt hon sagt var 100% sant!!! Bara DEN grejen är ganska MEGA-stor, tycker jag. Speciellt som hon själv tyckt det vara konstigt att alla utom hon fått 30 tkr så kan man undra varför hon inte kunde hitta inbetalningskortet också, som låg på det vanliga stället i den grå väskan, så det fanns inget tvivel om att hon faktiskt också fått de pengarna. Och om hon tyckt det var så konstigt som hon sagt, varför kollade hon inte direkt med sin bank, liksom vi andra gjorde med summor vi inte fick klarhet i? Det är svårt att undvika att anse att hon inte var 100% sanningsenlig under sådana omständigheter.

När jag inte kände till 60 tkr vägrade hon visa mig inbetalningskortet, utan LJÖG istället och sa till mig att hon hade inget som "bevisade" att jag fått dem. Hon väntade till mina båda bröder var med, innan hon, nästan med en trött suck, sträckte fram inbetalningskortet med kontonumret. Utan det nr kunde jag inte spåra pengarna, för de hade betalats in till ett annat konto än MITT. Det är också oärligt, att vägra visa upp bevisen, ge en kontonumret, och hålla på sådär bara dagarna efter ens pappa just dött. Hon liksom försökte reta upp alla med såna där små stunt. Naturligtvis var det enklast att bråka med mig, då jag inte fått pengarna själv från pappa, utan han gav dem till konton jag inte hade någon möjlighet att se, utan att åka till stan och gå på banken själv. Dvs han gav mig ALDRIG pengar till mitt eget konto, någonsin. Så jag behövde veta exakt vilket konto han gett till, eftersom det inte var samma genom åren. Vi bytte bank och vi ändrade kontonas funktioner. På något vis hade alltså "mina" 60 tkr hamnat på djurkontot, som jag aldrig använde. 
Hur det nu gick till var antagligen ett misstag, men det som gjorde att det blev så mycket bråk som det blev var för att min syster VÄGRADE ge mig kontonumret, eller visa mig inbetalningskortet, så jag kunde se numret själv. Jag misstänker att de patologiska gör såna här saker, provocerande med jobbiga gamla uppgifter, precis vid den närståendes död, för att skapa konflikter och kunna dirigera folk mot de som reagerar förvirrat eller irriterat på den patologiskas små retningar. Det här förstod den äldste brodern, men inte den yngre, som bara blev superarg när det drabbade honom och sen lika superarg om jag sa ifrån när jag reagerade litegrann. Dvs han fick yla, rya och uppföra sig som en galen tupp, men jag fick inte pipa som en liten mus, utan han blev arg "för att jag bråkade". Sen skrev vår syster till vår äldste bror att han och hon skulle numer sköta alltihop UTAN våra andra tvås inblandning. Jag vet att den yngre brodern inte skulle bry sig ett skit om han fick veta den manipulationen.

Hon kan inte göra något fel, enligt honom, som jag påtalat. Det är bara om HAN sett det själv och fattat det, som det räknas. Jag har bara ett vidarefordrat mail från äldste brodern att bevisa att hon skrivit så till honom. Det är han som har beviset. Tyvärr skickade han inte det direkt till sin bror, vilket jag nu önskar han gjort. Han bad dock mig att skriva till den här förvirrade brodern och försöka få honom att förstå att vi andra inte ljuger, som vår syster försöker göra gällande, utan att vi båda sett hennes avtal. Det gjorde jag, men han skvallrade direkt för sin yngsta syster och var superelak mot mig. Det var oerhört uppväckande och jag tvingades verkligen förstå att min kärlek till honom är helt och fullständigt ensidig, och så ska det inte vara. Vi ska inte vara martyrer som älskar och uppoffrar oss för svin, som inte bryr sig om vi lever eller dör. Det var då jag skrev dikten om kärleken, hatet och likgiltigheten, för att sätta mina känslor på pränt. Den dikt använde sen min andre bror som bevis på att hans älskade syster hade helt rätt att deras hatade syster var mentalt sjuk. 
Trevliga människor? Nej, det är de inte. De skriver en hel jävla massa skit och försöker få oss att lyda dem, men sen sprider de ut att det är VI andra som skrivit den där skiten till dem, när varken jag eller den äldste skrivit ett jävla ord till svar på några elakheter de skrivit. Vi har inte ens svarat efter svågern polishotade mig för att få mig att hålla käften om avtalet, och systern rakt ut förtalat mig med sinnessjukdom och skickat det mailet till en rad fler personer än jag skickat ursprungsmailet till. Ändå anklagar hon MIG för att förtala henne, när jag uppmanar henne att säga sanningen om att hon visat mig avtalet. Dvs jag har ett VITTNE på att hon gjort det, ändå menar hon och alla andra hon skickade sitt svar till, att det är JAG som ljuger. Det trots att jag svor en gruvlig ed på att det var sant, hade ett vittne som vittnat om att det är sant, ändå tror ALLA att det är min syster som talar sanning, och det dessutom 100%. Det är så man vill spy. Den andre brodern vet också att hon ljugit om de 30 tkr, men han ljuger själv om sina 100 tkr, genom att vägra kommentera ifall han fick dem eller inte. 

Han försöker också få mig att betala 10-15 tkr mer för pappas bil än vad vi först kom överens om. Det är 10 kr MER än vad normalt en sån bil går för på privata marknaden. En bil jag fått betala över 10 tkr för att få körduglig! Det för att hans älskade syster ljög och sa att den var värderad till 40 tkr, och boutredaren tagit priset från en sån bil i superbra skick på Blocket, som låg på 35 tkr. Pappas bil var i dåligt skick och var inte ens värd 25 tkr, kanske högst 20 tkr, men jag gick med på 25 tkr, då det var det officiella priset för en sån bil. Sen ringde min svåger hem till oss, antagligen för att min syster bitchat om min "snålhet" och vill att jag ska sluta "bitcha över bilen". Då hade jag bara frågat en fråga och velat vi ska följa den värdering vi kom fram till när jag tog över bilen. Då påstår han att JAG bitchar! Idiot! Idag är jag så sjukt arg på de här människorna och hur de betedde sig mot mig att jag är fruktansvärt glad att jag överlevde, att jag inte dog då när jag skulle dött, utan fick leva och lära mig hur de här människorna ser på mig på riktigt. 
Jag är så befriad från dåligt samvete för att de alltid gett mig ont i magen och ångest. Jag behöver inte utsätta mina barn för dem längre, jag behöver ALDRIG mer åka och hälsa på dem under tvång. Nu vet jag att det jag känt i min mage hela tiden var sanningen - de tycker inte ett jävla dugg om mig. De vill mig inte väl och de ljuger när det påstår något annat. Varför gjorde de annars såhär mot mig? Är det här en kärleksfull handling - att trakassera och ljuga om en människa som bara velat dem väl i hela sitt liv? Som det är ett under att hon fortfarande ens finns i livet? Nej, det som de gör är samma jävla sjuka som när de attackerade och trakasserade vår pappa efter hans hjärtinfarkt. De skrek och gapade och försökte få honom omyndighetsförklarad. Den stressen precis när han med knapp nöd överlevt en infarkt! Jag trodde DE var sinnessjuka då - speciellt vår mamma och andre bror, men när jag nu kollade gamla mail såg jag att även systern hade möten med dem om detta.

Tydligen hade "någon" i ett sånt möte med pappa föreslagit mig som God Man, om det skulle behövas en dag. Nu 2012 när det behövdes fanns inte detta papper längre, som pappa skrivit ut och skulle lämna till Överförmyndaren 30/8 2005. Han hade bokat tid och allt, och han hade visat mig pappret. Men det fanns inte hos dem längre. Kom det aldrig in? Ingen som vet. Därför blev min syster privat "god man" mot slutet och därför blev hon "skiftare" efter han dog. Det är jättekonstigt att hans önskemål, till överförmyndaren, saknas. Det var ju hans försäkran att "de" inte kunde sabba för honom om han blev för "gaggig". Kanske förtalade någon mig så han ändrade sig? Det är möjligt. Vem då? Antagligen min syster. Hon är duktig på att låta andra agera och säga en massa, grundat på missinformation och lögner, som hon kan sänka folk med. Allt medan hon står till synes passivt vid sidan om och spelar den goda fén.
Tyvärr har hon helt slagit klorna i min gudmor också, pappas syster. Har inte hört av henne sen julfesten min syster hade med sin hela familj i pappas hus bakom ryggen på mig. Fastern berättade för mig på julkortet att hon var bjuden och att hon skulle ha min mamma boende hos mig. Det trots att hon vet att de gjort såhär mot mig, men hon tror inte riktigt att det var "så farligt", för jag har inte berättat allt. Tror inte hon skulle fatta även om jag gjorde det. Hon har i över 40 år hört att min syster är den goda fén och jag den onda häxan, så jag tror inget jag säger kan ändra nått. Strax efter min syster dödade andra fasterns kattunge stod ju fastrarna och berömde min syster över hennes "godhet" och jag blev så illamående att jag sa ifrån att "hon kan nog hon också", dvs hon kan också göra fel och rackartyg, menade jag. Då tittade båda mycket fördömande på mig och den yngre, som fått sin kisse avsiktligt dödad av den "goda", snäste åt mig att jag var elak, eller nått sånt. 

Det gjorde ont, men jag hade inte sagt ifrån ifall det inte var så himla sjukt att de trodde hon var godheten själv. Det var så ÄCKLIGT!!! Antar jag var ond då, som i en vecka sprungit efter min syster och försökt stoppa henne varje gång hon varit på väg till hunden med ungen? Vilken värsta ångestveckan i mitt liv och för vad? Hon lyckades och alla älskade henne för det. Alla hatade mig ännu mer för att jag var arg på henne för det. Jodå, det var JAG som bestraffades för att jag blev arg på henne. Antagligen var mina fastrar sura på mig för att jag dödat kattungen, då min familj brukade säga att allting familjens hund hittade på var mitt fel, då det var min hund, enligt dem. Den ägdes av MAMMA, och var köpt till min gyllene bror, och han sa en dag "det är din hund" till mig och sen var allt han gjorde med hunden MITT fel. Det är han som säger det mest, fortfarande, att det var min hund. Det är allt han behöver säga och ALLA tycker att allting den hunden gjorde var mitt fel, oavsett om jag var bara ett barn, jag var i skolan eller gjorde allt för att stoppa skiten.
De säger bara "hennes hund" som en magi för att få alla att bli sura på mig IGEN för saker jag inte haft någon möjlighet att ändra. Jag blev så glad när han sa att jag kunde få hunden, men nu som vuxen förstår jag det var hans sätt att bli ansvarsbefriad. Hunden var köpt av mamma - vuxen människa - och det var FÖRÄLDRARNA som bar ansvar för vad deras barn gjorde med hunden tills de blev straffmyndiga. Sen är det den straffmyndige som är ansvarig. Moraliskt ansvarig är DET barn som utför en handling, inte det BARN som hela familjen satt som djurskötare OCH barnskötare av det yngre barnet. Den där familjen är fullkomliga idioter och om du eller någon annan haft en lika idiotisk familj och tycker att det är ok att vara såhär, så vill jag säga: NEJ!!!!! Det är inte ok, du lider av Stockholms syndromet om du accepterar det här ifrån andra. Om du också fattat att det inte är ok vill jag gratulera dig. Du har fattat det - gå vidare med ditt liv och vet att du är älskad och värdefull.

Låt dem INTE definiera vem du är! Du är så mycket bättre än dem och de kunde inte tåla det - därav all mobbing och alla lögner. Ha ett bra liv och älska dig själv!!!! En bild säger mer än tusen ord... På bilden ser man hur min syster "utvisar" mig och nu har hon svartmålat mig inför hela släkten så de tror att det är jag som bråkar med henne, ljuger och förtalar stackars henne, medan hon är ädel och jobbat så hårt för allas bästa. Att hon "bryr sig så om mig" och oroar sig för min mentala hälsa... och gud vet vad mer för smörja. Jag har mest mail från mamma att gå på och saker som folk berättat för mig. Jag har min systers mail till andra och det sista, innan jag blockade henne, till mig. Jag hade skrivit till henne att det var nu "sista chansen" för henne, för jag har blivit så besviken och äcklad över hur falskt hon beter sig mot mig och mina barn.
Hon säger en sak till andra och gör en annan sak. Hon t ex sa till mamma, när jag låg på sjukhus 2011, att hon så himla mycket ville ringa till mig, men inte kunde för jag hade ingen telefon på sjukhuset. Jag sa till mamma att jag har ju mobilen, för böveln! Mamma sa till min syster det och sa till mig att systern skulle ringa. Min syster JOBBAR, jag låg bara där och väntade på om jag skulle leva eller dö. Så hon ringde aldrig, men hon SA till mamma att hon skulle göra det och naturligtvis trodde mamma hon gjorde det. Det är sånt hon gör. Hon låtsas bry sig, men sen kommer hon aldrig, ringer aldrig, svarar inte på mina mail, säger taskiga saker som bara jag hör när vi till slut träffats, eller är elak mot mina barn och skäller på dem för orättvisa saker.

Det som fick mig HELT att tröttna var dock att varken hon eller någon annan av de personer, min andre bror och mamma speciellt, som tjatat på att hålla festen "för mig" 2012 sen kunde kosta på sig att köpa mat, orka ansvara för att laga maten eller skaffa fram dukar, bord, stolar, tallrikar, bestick, servetter, och allt annat som man skaffar när man "ordnar en fest" till någon. De gjorde inte ett jävla skit av det - förutom att min syster hade med sig en stor potatissallad (jag hade sagt att jag inte ville ha grillat med potatissallad så det var det som de ville ha). Andre brodern fick min man att köpa grillmat och grilla, fast jag sagt även till de två att jag inte ville ha grillat. Min man köpte då lax till mig, så att något blev rätt. Sen fick jag BARA sånt jag sagt att jag INTE ville ha i "present". Gammalt skräp från mamma hon försökt tvinga på mig förut och jag sagt bestämt nej till, en väska från svägerskan jag sagt till hennes man jag hade för många av, och så då förstås ett tomt löfte om Spa och god mat ifrån min syster som hennes man rynkade näsan åt och sa han inte ville hjälpa till med att ordna åt mig. Hur trevligt tror du allt det kändes när jag just då väntade på besked från senaste provtagningen om jag klarat mig eller hade bestående skador, kanske cancer? När jag med nöd och näppe klarat mig till 50?
Förtalskampanjer är ofta gömda bakom "omtanke" och det jag hört och sett är samma sak här. Hon låtsas "bry" sig om mig, men jag är - enligt henne - fullkomligt oresonlig och elak mot henne. Allt är bara teater - hon har skrivit så elaka, osanna påståenden om mig, som svar på små frågor jag haft. När man får sånt till svar blir iallafall jag rädd och drar mig undan. Inte ens när någon annan bekräftat att jag hade rätt, och min syster fel, ändrar hon sig. Hon fortsätter som om det är "synd" om henne och jag är "elak och mobbar" henne. Titta på bilden igen! Ser jag ut som en sån elak, stöddig jävel, som hon sprider ut att jag är? Hon sprider ut att hon "bryr sig om mig", och vår mamma är 100% på hennes sida och identifierar sig med min syster och hennes man, han som polishotade mig för att jag vittnade under ED på att jag läst avtalet hans fru hade med pappa om stugan. Den stuga hon alltid velat ha GRATIS.

Mamma vill också att min syster ska ha den gratis och hon bryr sig INTE om att avtalet inte sa så. Hon tänkte ljuga och säga att hon visste vad som stod i avtalet och säga åt mig att jag var "elak" som inte lät min "stackars" lilla syster få huset gratis. Men det hade jag tänkt - ÄNDA TILLS KLISTERS VISADE MIG ATT PAPPA ALDRIG TÄNKT GE DEM HUSET GRATIS. Min syster visade alltså mig avtalet och när jag nämnde det lite försynt skickade hon mammas favvisson på mig. Antagligen hade hon fyllt honom med avsky mot mig och mitt beteende innan, precis som hon snackat skit om honom precis innan till mig och äldste brorsan. Så han hoppade direkt på mig och skällde ut mig för att jag påstod jag läst avtalet - han hade ju HÖRT pappa prata om det och visste bättre än jag som läst det vad som stod i det. Först när vår syster, till slut erkänner att det är ett skrivet avtal, erkänner den här brorsan att han aldrig läst det. Även vår mamma erkänner att hon aldrig läst det. Dvs båda två kallar MIG galning och lögnare fast ingen av dem har den blekaste ANING om vad som egentligen står i avtalet. 
Märk väl - det räcker inte heller att jag har ett ÖGONVITTNE till min version (= min syster står i köket och visar mig avtalet). Ändå tror ALLA det är jag som ljuger. Med alla menar jag hela släkten, utanför min egen familj och ögonvittnet. Systern började på en gång förtalet på FB, har jag hört berättas från de som har FB. Det gör hon långt innan jag ens fattar riktigt vad de håller på med. Jag tror - ända tills alla ignorerar min ED och mitt VITTNE - att de bara inte fattat än. Men jag har fel. Ingen BRYR SIG OM sanningen. Den andre brodern skriver t o m det i ett mail, att jag går "fel" när jag tänker i såna banor, som sant eller falskt. Dvs han ignorerar att det helt klart är min version som är den sanna som "oviktig". Det tänkesättet = SATANISM har jag lärt mig. Att kalla bevisbar fakta, det som HAR hänt, för "åsikter" är en annan form av satanism, som är vanlig idag. Det som HAR hänt = SANT, det som INTE har hänt = FALSKT. Oavsett vad folk än tycker om saken! 

I systerns version av händelsen satt hon och jag i soffan framför TV'n och hon berättade att avtalet är försvunnet. Den versionen bekräftas INTE av någon annan än hon själv. Så alla som valt att TRO på henne har valt att tro på något ingen kan bekräfta av oss andra två som var där. Eller har de som andre brodern valt att skita i VEM av oss som har rätt. Han har sen trakasserat mig med skit, som om det är jag som är sinnessjuk för att jag håller mig till verkligheten, och han som är frisk som inte kan skilja fantasi från verklighet. Han behöver slå upp definitionen på sinnessjukdom, anar man. ;)) Vår mamma har bistått min syster väldigt MYCKET i förtalet av mig som person. Redan i april ifjol fick jag veta att hon stod helt på min systers sida i arvskiftet, och min syster skrev till oss andra "antingen gör ni som jag säger, eller som mamma säger", efter hon sagt att mamma sa samma sak som hon. Dvs vi hade ett falskt TVÅ-vals alternativ med bara EN utgång - vår oerhört bortskämda syster fick det hon pekade på IGEN - bara för att... 
Nu har det helt blivit sant - jag kan INTE umgås med människor som tror allt det hemska om mig som hon påstår om mig. Hon kan umgås med människorna, även om de skulle tro att hon kanske gjort "något litet" av allt hon gjort, därför att hon gjort så mycket värre än de känner till. Därför känner hon sig triumferande då hon lyckats få mig påkletad en massa jag inte har gjort. Jag har INTE ljugit. Jag har INTE stulit. Jag har INTE förtalat. Jag har INTE mobbats. Jag har INTE varit självisk. Jag har INTE försökt lura till mig pengar. Jag har INTE varit snål och girig. Och så vidare.... Allt det där är sånt hon fått hela släkten att tro ATT jag gjort och är. Så nu vill jag inte träffa en  människa av de där personerna, som inte uttryckt att de tror på mig. De som vägrar ta reda på FAKTA, och väljer att tro att alla är "lika goda kålsupare" kommer jag heller inte att bry mig om i framtiden. 

Bara de som VILL veta vad som hänt och som har moralisk kompass nog att kunna skilja på vad som är rätt och fel kommer jag umgås med, vilket efter alla år av förtal av min karaktär väl blir ungefär lika med 0 släktingar. Jag är den jag ÄR - inte den som andra påstår att jag är. De känner inte mig och ingen av dem bryr sig om att ta reda på vem jag är. De väljer att tro jag är den person som andra säger att jag är. Alla som aldrig brytt sig om att lära känna MIG, tala med MIG, lyssna på MIG, känner inte mig. Alla de har bara dessa personers påståenden OM mig att gå efter. Såna människor behöver ingen i sina liv. Så, är det så konstigt då att inte en människa tyckte det var FEL när hon knuffade ut mig ur ett foto, som togs precis innan den sk festen ÅT mig (50-årsfesten)? Ingen reagerade, ingen sa att jag skulle stå i mitten, ingen sa någonting om att hon knuffade ut mig. Inte ens jag tänkte på det, för jag ville inte ens vara där.

Luna IngRuna - Kärlekens Cirkel

lördag 5 september 2015

Evil Women From My Past

This is written in April last year, 2014: In my estimation there is something very pathological with my mother. I believe father could had been somewhat like an asperger, as mother kept saying my oldest brother was like our father, and he's an adult diagnosed aspi. I talked to a daughter of an aspi-mother, the sister of my aspi-brother's wife (also aspi) and she told me their mother was not good at showing love, though she did love all her children, she only seemed capable of focusing on one at the time, and forgot about the rest. What she told me (she said more of course) sounded like father, somebody who did care, but didn't show it too well, and he was easily manipulated by mother. He was also swayed by his sisters alot, and it's hard to know why he could be so hurtful he was many times. To me it was like things somebody else had fed him, and then all of a sudden, after we'd spent time together he treated me totally differently, positive and nice.

Mother showed all symptoms of a jealous person, got nasty whenever she saw father treated me with love and joy. She then moved on to smear him after she left him living alone with my younger sister and I remember she told me they had an incesteous relationship - but only once she said that in great anger, and then I heard NOTHING about that issue ever again. She seems to get insane, sick ideas in her head about people and she tells people who knows them about these ideas, with no proof what so ever. She's been telling people for a year now that my husband is a wife abuser, that I am mentally ill, with no proof of any of that. She just makes shit up as she goes along. I've heard so many shocking things about all the sick people she knows. She seems to be surrounded by totally psychopathic, addictive, abusive, paranoids, atleast if you listen to her side. Then, years later, she might in rare cases bring something up that totally contradicts that story she once told. 

I dont' want to go into details, but what I want to say is that doing this to people can totally ruin their lives. It's like those women scorned who tell everyone that the guy "raped" them, when he did nothing of the kind. These women totally ruins it both for those smeared guys, but also to all women who actually were raped. It's like the story about crying wolf too many times. Yes, there are women doing this, and yes, there are people lying about incest, and does that not make you upset as these people make the real abused not believed, as the Courts heard too many lies? A cousin of my children did that to her father, lied about him "touching her" when he dragged her home from her drug nest she had with her boyfriend. She was 15. It went to Court and then she admitted it was not true. So, perhaps my socialized sociopathic sister told our mother father did that to her, when he would not let her do whatever she wanted at 15? 
Father was most upset with me when I was 20 and had my first boyfriend, whom I dated for awhile before we had sex. He was the cousin of my best friend and I'd known him for like a year or two then. Father loved that boyfriend but thought I was a slut for sleeping with him before we were properly married. Which is like not in our culture to behave anymore. Then my younger sister dragged home boys when she was much much younger, and I met her first steady boyfriend when she was 16 and they had some really kinky sex going, which totally shocked both me and my then boyfriend (now my husband). He also still can't forget when she told us, like it was a great thing what she was doing with this guy. She was 16 - she was supposed to be this sweet, romantic little teenager in love. I guess it might had been easier for mother to believe all this was father's fault, but he's like a proper prude and has never ever done anything improper with me ever in that way. 

He was like an asperger or something, I think, and got all in knots if something filthy was going on. He even would close his eyes when people were making out on TV. Him and I used to joke about that together and I would hide behind the sofa and we'd laugh together, cause it felt so personal they'd do that infront of us on TV. How innocent isn't that? He believed in being a honest person tending to his family and mother is now ripping apart his character even after he's dead. She's been lying about him to and fro like forever, but hiding her hate for him behind seemingly sweet words. Pathologicals totally ravage other peoples character, and they totally destroy all relationships and they always blame their "victims". They are likely playing the victims to most people, family, friends, and even strangers will believe their vile distorted reality. I wish father had divorced her long ago, as she's such a dangerous covert narcissist. 

She can make anyone believe she "means well", "has no clue of what is going on", and "is totally oblivious to any ill will from her side or anyone she supports". I know that is not true, as her after stories are such that they will further build up pity for her and make her look like the victim and the injured party. Her stories keep changing and growing as time goes by. Back in the 90's she used to hit my babies and on two occasions me and my husband caught her red handedly. Ten years later I brought it up again as she now was at it mentally abusing my youngest child, and she denied all of it. I was of course the insane one. Shortly after that she told me the sadest story about her early childhood, which her mother (dead in March 1987) told her before she died. How my mother got slapped by a girl working for her parents, like a nanny, whom my mother had totally adored and how that changed her so she never could cry again. It sounds real, but.... 
Why did she keep hitting my children if she knew this about herself? She knew it BEFORE she hit my children and she was at that time going regulary to a psycho therapist, since she worked as such herself. So she'd be in knowledge how important this issue was to deal with to not repeat the same behavior. And she did not go around slapping my face when I was small, not all the time, but she had father beat me up on HER orders. So, that is a different pattern. The only child of my siblings telling that mother slapped her in the face was in a mail 2009 from my younger sister, and I have no recollection of such an event going on EVER in her childhood, and I was very close to my sister at that time. We talked about everything, or atleast I talked and she followed me around as I was her "nanny" since she was born and I was 9. 

To me that story about mother's nanny slapping her seems abit convenient to me, like a story to make me forget how she's been abusing my children all their lives. Mostly mentally with put downs and rotten gifts. She could make a big fuzz about buying the right gift for a cousin of theirs, and then act out in anger over having to give the same kind of gift to any of my children. And then forget to give one of my children anything, or something totally crappy for peanuts. The smile of content on her face when the small faces lit up in sadness. She's ruined more Christmases then I'm happy about as none is the proper number there should had been. So you see, I do understand abit about abusive mothers who twist and turn and make your life weird and confused, but as I did have to raise my younger sister for years I also am very well aware about how it is to truly love a person you KNOW is like a psychopath. 

I've known there was something "missing" in her since she was four and I was 13. I've read that four is the age the first real signs show and that someone close to a child will first notice this "missing" aspect then. True in my case, as I very well remember speaking those very words "there is somehing that is lacking" about her. Something emotional I also remember saying. That she did not react like others, and such things. It worried me alot at the time as normal little children would get hurt when screamed at by their mad big siblings, or sad and crying, or any kind of reaction. She'd just stare at me with a blank, indifferent stare, when I was angry for something terrible (in my young eyes) that had happened. Three years later I watched her kill a little kitty on purpose. I knew it was on purpose as I'd tried to stop her for a week. I'd tried to convince her not to, I'd tried to - no, I'd begged - the grown ups to take the kitty away from her, but they just brushed me off. 
Noone believed me when I said she did it on purpose, but they said I was nasty and lying. So I stopped telling them, even the owner of the kitty thought it was my fault in the end, as I'd not watched her better and it was an accident. I had been watching her like a hawk the whole week, saving the kitty countless of times, but had to leave her a few secs to get my bag as we were going to give back the kitty. I left my sister and the kitty (she would not let me take it from her and the grown ups would not either) on the other side of the house and told her to not move and I'd be back in a sec. I ran up, grabbed the bag, ran out to put it in the car and my sister was there already, putting the kitty infront of our family dog's face, who of course grabbed the little thing and tossed her around like a toy. Just like I'd told my sister the dog would do. She was dead before I could get to them and I was screaming. 

Our golden brother was there, inside the car, and he jumped out and started bashing me for screaming at the poor child. When I'd looked at her she was coldly watching the dog playing with the kitty's body, but now, as our brother looked at her, she had turned around to face him and she was like mimicing my upset face. To me it felt like she was just acting, as she'd first watched my face, then turned around to face him with the same kind of face on her. She's ever since then told the story how the dog, surprisingly to her, killed the poor kitty and how she cried forever over that. Everything she says seems ok, and my side of the story seems too sick to be true. So that's why I never told anyone after I first told the golden brother, who immediatly said I was wrong, not being empathic enough to our poor wounded small sister, and that she was obviously the one in pain. Right. This hurting of small pets is another sign. 

She also burnt down a forest around the same time as the kitty event, which she framed her friend for. She made everyone think she was so stupid she thought that grass did not burn, cause this friend of hers supposedly, according to my sister, had said so to her. Father used to burn grass all the time and I'd known since I was a toddler grass burnt, and she has everyone believe she didn't. Right. I bet she could make people believe that the Moon is one giant tasty cheeze too.... :) I know it sounds like I really hated my sister, but the thing is that she's done far worse things to me personally then these old tell tale signs of psychopathy, and still I loved her, knowing full well what she was. I didn't know it was psychopathy, until I made the test for her, filling in all the things I did know she'd done in her life, and I don't know all, only what she's done when she was in my care and things she's bragged about, like her sexlife. 
She cheated on her last husband, she loved to have multiple love affairs going on, was a mistress to a guy who was rich and could pay her lots of money, she drank alot, and so on. I don't know all of it, but still what I did know scored her as a psychopath for sure. What I've known since I was 13 is that she does not feel in the same way as I do. I can more relate to my narcissistic golden brother's way of feeling then hers. Atleast he seems to be passionate in his emotions, thought abit too much either love or hate then I am. Mother is kind of black and white too, as she idolizes a select few, while totally ravages others. My sister is cold as ice mostly. She makes EVERYONE pity her and attack her "victims" for her. She's been using mother, golden brother and her husband to attack me for a year. I blocked as many as I could, but mother is still reaching one of my children. I think she can on Facebook, and the sick things she writes about me there totally sadens my oldest daughter. 

She says it's really sick things, and I've told her many times she should block her granny if she gets upset with what lies she writes as it's not worth it. My mother will not stop until she either die or I crawl back and accept it was all my fault. In mother's mind - fantasy land - I am mad at her and my poor sister cause I am projecting my pain over things happening to my oldest son unto them. WHAT??? Even my golden brother has repeated this fairy tale to the Court. They all know why I broke up with them. One of the first lies mother told and which the golden brother also repeated to the Court, was that my husband was abusing me and threatening me to not talk to my family again. Again pure fiction. Never happened. It was my sister's husband threatening me, telling me to shut up, not my husband. They all know that as they were all part of the conversation and my brother-in-law and my sister made sure they all got their e-mails where they threatened me, and lied about me. 

My sister pretended I had done what she had done in the mails, and blamed me for what she and her flying monkeys were doing to me and that I was doing that to them, all on my own. That didn't sound well enough, so then mother came up with the idea to frame my husband, and tell everyone he'd behaved the way my sister's husband done. They are so sick, superior, liars, with a perfect superficial image. I know my sister has a made up CV, as she's shared it with me. To make an old relative impressed with her, for instance, she by "mistake" happened to send a copy to this relative. Who sends a copy of a CV by mistake? You just could not do that, but she fooled the old relative who wrote back a letter how impressed she was, and of course, the purpose is to make out I am jealous (mother keeps telling everyone that is what is behind all this, my deep jealously for the success my sister is). 
My sister knows that this relative is special to me as she's my godmother, so by stealing her away... She wants it all. Got a blog from a site about narcissism now which says that very same - they want it all. I checked my sister's husbands CV too, which I found on the web, and it does not show he has any proper University education either, but it looks like it when you glance as he puts down several colleges, but the time is too short. Perhaps he has some short courses. Many of his claims on his CV is what I could claim, but due to a proper education of four years on University and I doubt he really know all the stuff he'd put there. I'm sure my husband knows most of it as he has TWO University educations for like seven years together. He's the expert in both economics and computers, not my sister's husband. My sister asked my husband whenever she had a problem - proof! But on her husband's CV he sounds like a total IT-genious. 

He's just a salesperson with a lower level of economic education, and lots of work practice to lure people. He's a charmer and when I first met him I told him EVERYTHING, and obviously he's been acting excatly the way he knew I felt was the hardest to handle. I can't handle befriending a man, who then tries it on with me (behind the back of my sister and my husband) and then picks on my way of raising my children, turning back on his words. He's like done all of that, and still looks like he's the hero. The first sign something was wrong was 2005 when my sister came up on a family reunion and accused me of "hitting on her husband". She's never done anything like that before, and she was the one wanting me to be nice to her new husband so make him feel welcome, why I did talk to him as he knew nobody. My guess is that HE said that to her, and then the year after HE hit on me and tried to kiss me when I slept over. 

If I'd then told her about that insidence I knew she'd not believe me, as she even by me talking to her husband thought I was "after him". A few days after the family reunion I got pregnant, and you don't plan a new child, like we did, if you are dreaming about your sister's husband in that way. I have actually dreamt about them, but they are TOGETHER, my sister and her husband, re-marrying, moving into a new flat, and such stuff. I don't want to, but I do. I've also dreamt that her husband is a monster and that he's attacking me, which I dreamt long before he actually did. Also, the new flat dream was a true one as I found out after dreaming it. In my latest two dreams my sister was alone. In one I hugged her and told her that I've always loved her very much, though knowing who she was I still did, but that it was over between us now. I'll love the memory of that funny little girl who didn't know right from wrong and who I did my best to learn and to show love. 
In the last dream she was showing me her present lovers, telling me how smart she's become and how she could do what she wanted now, as noone ever finds out. She was like she used to be, before she married "mr Perfect", when she had all these bizarre affairs. In the dream she wanted me to see she was the same, only better to fool people. Weird dream, but then I know we share a deep psychic connection as I raised her. Mother never has raised any of us, she always dumped her children on some teen. I know it's most likely mother's idea that father should "give" the house to my sister, but he refused and only lended it to her. Mother could not have that and it's she who's been raging about this house for 20+ years, how it IS my sister's. Golden boy got jealous and mother convinced father to build a house for him too, so he's in on it aswell. Fellowship of the HOUSES. :)

This inspired me to remember more vital "signs" and to put many things together. I tend to wallow on old hurts, but it seems like I'm slowly honing in on the elephant in the room. The one who's started the sickness in my life is without questioning the holy, covert, poor little me victim, who's my mother. Those having the misfortune of seeing her real me calls her "evil personafied", but most wont go as far as doing anything to push her out of their lives, as they are all too afraid of what she'll do to THEM if they do. She's crushed one after another who stood up against her. She always makes a convincing case of being the one in the right, while she's just full of lies. Here is a secret I finally got to the core with about my mother. When she was 45 she apparently had a fling with a 25 year old co-worker. She was married to father then, and after this event he refused sex with her.

In her story this happened: This young man was smithen by her beauty and appeal and would stalk her endlessly, obsessing over her. She told me this story when she was like 65 and she divorced my father when she was 60. Eventually she would go back to this story as a proof father was in the wrong for rejecting having sex with her, as she was obviously attractive. I remember vaguely father pointing out to her she was getting fat when she was passed 40, and she got all grey haired when 42. A doctor at that time mistook mother to be father's mother, as my father looked like 30 when he was 45. Him and I are very similar looking. Dark, tall and slim. Mother is curvy, but then she got just fat and grey, and father obviously didn't find that too attractive as he made that little comment. It was in defence of her banging on about him, like she always did. Generally he stood behind her and believed anything she said. 
So, this with the young man happened when she was 45-50 perhaps, and then she tells me about it many years later, atleast she was passed 60 at the time, most likely 65. I felt for her, said that it's horrible, being stalked and such. Then, a few years back, when she was almost 80, the story changed. Now SHE was the one accused and judged as the stalker by her employer. She'd worked there for like 20-25 years at that time, and then she suddenly had all these issues with them, I remember, when I was like 15-20, which made her move away and start to work on another place. She's been telling stories about how bullied she was due to all the envy at work, but nothing ever about her being accused of stalking this man. So, when she told me I felt really sorry for her, as that is so evil. First him, the young man, stalking her, then accusing HER of stalking him. Am I a fool, or am I? Sometimes I laugh at my naivity with these people too close to me. 

I so wish to believe in them, trust them, and they are so full of lies. Most likely the young man was a flirt, and he did the big mistake of flirting with this middle aged woman at his work place, just to pass time. She read in too much in it and started stalking him, believing he was "in love with her". He tried to get away from her and she read that as "he's troubled by his deep emotions for her", and felt it was her obligation to keep harrassing him. I realize that as I once told mother about a guy who was lying about me and my family and it really hurt me, and she told me to contact him and try to resolve it. It's just that I couldn't as his lies were about me stalking him, which I didn't. He was the one doing odd things and I tried to understand. And whatever communication I would initiate with that lying narcissist, would had made his lies look like the truth. But her advice back then showed me how she would behave if she was rejected in some way by a person - stalk them.

Whatever she makes up will show what she really thinks about you. In my case I could see how much hate she has for so many people in her life, including me, as she wrote several mails to my husband about me and even after half a year made the great effort of hand writing me a letter (a short one). I'm sure she felt it was pure and honest, as she honestly thinks those vile things about me. Thinking she's the bigger person to put up with me, while projecting all sorts of odd believes onto me. I'm mad at her for lying to me for 20+ years, helping my sister in her lie for 20+ yrs. That's what I am mad about NOW and it has nothing to do with anything else I have been sad about before or what things they've done to upset me after I got mad at that very thing. This she will pretend she does not know, which is ridiculous since that is what I've been saying, writing now constantly for ONE year. They lied to me, again and again, and now they are spreading out that I was the one lying, while knowing they have been lying. 
Also it seems one of my brother's is in on the lie. It's like the BIG lie in our family, as dad tried again and again to correct them in his later years, but mother kept insisting her version of reality was the true one. She had no say, it was father's decision and my brother and sister had no say, it was father's 100% choice, and he said they were wrong. Mother used to phone me and tell me father's gone bonkers, as he claimed they were wrong. 2012 my sister showed me a paper PROVING dad right. Then she said I was lying, she never showed me the proof. Mother, my brother, almost everyone now say I'm bonkers, lying. Just like they did to father. He got very depressed and got a very bad heart from their treatment, I'm sure. Mother never stopped tormenting him, screaming at him, insulting him, 20+ yrs after she left him. She kept coming back hurting him. He tried to keep her out, but then she only stayed over at his sister's place, next door. 

Mother turned everyone against father, and he got sulky and mean to you. It's a mess, these people creates messes and they blame you for everything as you watch their messes. You feel totally helpless, as they create it and pasture all the guilt onto you. The hard part is you don't know who's starting it, who's helping out to spread the toxin. You can only guess, and my guess is my mother is to a large part to blame. But I don't think she's the only one guilty as I think those believing bad things about you, without proof, is also to be blamed for this. And avoided. This is so spot on what I felt I had to do when I read a letter my mother finally managed to write to me after I've refused to speak to the lying, projecting, nasty .... for six months. She really really tried to be nice, but what she did was showing who she is by everything she said I was, or anyone else she put down in that short letter. 

She could not even bother to make a long letter, just a short one, short sentences, lots of !!! all over the place, speaking about me in third person when actually saying something nice about me. And so on. I am thinking about doing a translation of that letter, mirroring all she says back to her. It will be a revealing story. (Done that so it's posted in my last blogpost!) I did the same to a mail I got from my sister after confronting her with her BIG lie. It was a con by her and her husband, to show me the truth, and then when I brought it up, as that subject was going to be on the menu eventually, my sister could tell her pre-manufactured sob-story how she'd innocently had told me she had lost the proof, and evil old me now lied about seeing the proof and it not being what she says it is. Sob sob sob. It was very good drama, and in her mail she says I'm insane, defaming her, and so on. So I reversed it and she's now insane and defaming me, which IS the truth as I have a witness.
 
They'd not planned on him to be there, but he had come in and saw me reading the proof. He did not read it himself, but saw what it was about, so hence KNOWING I'm correct. I did not HEAR about the proof, I was SHOWN the proof. In mother's letter to me she claims I'm upset on them for something totally different, which has NOTHING to do with them, so I sound like a lunatic in her letter. But this LIE by my sister, this CON, is exactly what I am upset about as that is so sick to do to a person. And I was the one raising my sister, until she was 13, and kept a close relationship to her many more years, until she got too successful to be around an ordinary person like me. By painting me in the bully clothes she wanted everyone to hate me and make them sign over a house to her for nothing. Smart move, if you're a sociopath, which she unfortunatly is. I tested and she is - 30 points, which is within the limits. Sad, but true. 

Not understanding her problem I already when 13, and she was 4, had commented on it. That there was something seriously WRONG with my baby sister. I never hated her, though she's done some really horrible things. It's like I knew as a child she truly could not see what was right or wrong, only what was in it for her. Now I believe she is the one who's been out to destroy me my whole grown up life, without me getting it. I have collected enough evidence for that now, pieces of a puzzle, leads, showing me what a hateful person she really is. Very sad, as I like to think good about others, but what can you do about reality? The proof is there, and only if I was blind could I not see them. But she's very good, and mother is on her side, and one of the brother's and the other brother dare not go against her either, even if he's the one seeing me being shown the proof. She has all on her side.

She wrote a mail to this witness of mine how happy she was he was back talking to her, that ALL of the siblings were talking now, when only she was talking to the brothers and I was left out. That is, she ment I am not one of them, and she was happy I was GONE? Another proof, she wants me out. I have so many more insane little things she's done. She seems to hate me for not putting HER first my whole life, having children of my own, not admiring all her successes (due to fake CV's?) and so on. Hell knows no fury as a woman scorned, and I moved away from home and grew up and got my own life. For that I'm doomed? Seems like younger sisters do this to their loving older ones all the time. Heard about another one, hating her older sister for this, being jealous of her, and all the older one wanted was the best for her baby sister, loving her. People sure are sick in this god forsaken world.

Luna IngRuna - Love Circle