Disclaimer

All content on this blog is fictional and any resemblance with actual events are purely coincidental. When you choose to read this blog you also agree to not get offended or try and use any content to defame me as a person or anyone connected to me. If you cannot commit to this agreement you are violating the agreement you agreed to by reading this blog. I repeat that by the act of reading this blog you are committing to this agreement of not getting upset or using content in a way that could be considered an act of aggression. If you cannot follow this agreement I urge you to not read.

lördag 17 januari 2015

Goddess Star

This is my third website of my red ones. It's about creativity and art, graphics and also about the stars of the seven sisters, but most of all of our planet of love and creation. That is the planet or the star of the goddess, the five pointed star of female energy. On this site I've put up quite alot of graphics, but not overly much compared to my other sites, which was the purpose when I made this site. But somehow all my sites are like this one, as they are all manifestations of my creativity with my graphics on them, so truly this is only the site celebrating this fact more then the one solely representing this. You can visit this site by going here - Goddess Star - and then click your way into this realm to watch more of the site. This is also a salutation to the feminine force here in our cosmos, to the true women who manifest love and care and who create. As we are living in a patriarchal society all qualities originating from the female energy is considered worthless or atleast of less worth then all the ones of male origin. I'm not saying this cause I'm a feminist, as that is a manufactured entity to cause fraction between males and females on this planet. All human beings manifest both male and feminine abilities, some more of one or another.

But the fact is that the bullying and crushing of other people are totally due to male energy, the action and attack mode that wish to force itself upon others. Many are the women living after this and are bullies. This is the warrior who are fighting for what they believe in also. That is the more positive aspect of this energy, but the negative side is this very cruel bullying aspect that is set to destroy their enemies. That is why I believe the destroyers of the feminine spirit, the ones originating from the creative source, are of this patriarchal soul group. They are easily infected by the virus that tells them that they are the rightful rulers of this world and that they can and should kill anyone in their way. They will not listen and not care for anything then their own limited self interest. Like I've said this is not due to you being born man or woman, but if you are a bully or not a bully. If you choose to manifest the male energy you need to have a huge consciousness, being very careful to understand before you go out and kill your enemies. Or you'll just kill your opposition, which more then likely will be those who are in the right, for real, as if you are acting in total self interest you will most likely never have cared for other's interests.
I'm not the best to explain this concept, but I will still try to as it's very vital. We have been living in a patriarchal society for like 6 000 years atleast, but this might change as long time ago we lived in a matriarchal society where totally different ideals were saluted then today. Either way it's always been a very material world, I'm sure, as we live in the material realm. I can only say that the ideal that being a bully is a very dangerous ideal, but one being promoted heavily these last decades, if not longer. The media is promoting bullying as some kind of joyous joke where hurting other people is natural and devious behavior is cute. When considering a typical male archetype I'd imagine a viking king, who is cruel and believes death is more glorious then living. But when thinking about the female archetype I see this beautiful lively being, who manifests new and wonderful realities for ever and always. It's the healer and life giver that value the birth of new children and creation of all that is fair on this earth. Life consists of both aspects as death is part of life, so the archetype that realize that some things are worth dying for is not wrong. It's the negative aspect of that archetype who's wrong, as it wish to sacrifice others to get ahead. That is the warmongers of today, who never themselves risk their lives while killing millions of innocent people, women, children and family fathers and grandparents, whom only wished to live in peace and work in their lives.

There is of course also a negative aspect of this feminine archetype that is indeed promoted today. That is the aspect of the whore, the seductive slot who only relish in physical pleasure and who don't truly care for deeper emotions. It's like a big love for everything, that gets so deluded that nothing of the love is still in the mix. There is the aspect of self love too, that makes it impossible to actually love another. That is the essence of narcissism, which is why I believe the typical female narcissism is in many ways a combination of this negative female aspect and the negative male one, which is the bully type. So a female bully is both very seductive and a bully who's extremely cruel. She's a little of both, as if she's only been a slot she'd not be a bully, which would be a far less crime. Being a slot only hurts herself, but being a bully will hurt others. It's always worse to hurt others then to hurt oneself, as that is your free choice to do. It's not your right to hurt others, that is a violation. Still I don't like that people go around and hurt themselves. That is just sad. Of course there a alot of females who are only bullies, nothing charming and sexy about them at all. They are only cold, cruel and evil to others, and people most likely don't like them. A few will fear these women and they will treat them like cowards treat men who act in the same way. It's very masculine, and in a negative way. Again, there are both good and bad when it comes to these energies.
In the end it's always each individual's own journey and those choosing to piss on others faces to get ahead has made the choice to do so through free will. The soul is weighed upon these facts, if you are able to hurt others through scams and deceit or if you are an honest and open person who tells the truth like it is. In my life I've been mostly attacked by female bullies, but also alot by male ones. They are not attacking me of the same reason exactly, but the overriding reason is the same. Envy. The male bully don't like women who are unattainable and makes them feel unworthy as such a woman is totally out of range for such a man. So he'll resort to bully her and try and destroy what is good and beautiful with her. He'll not care to bully a woman out of the blue, who's of no threat to his fragile self image, only one who is. Even an ugly woman could be bullied if she's smarter and more successful then the guy, so not even ugly women are spared. It's all about outshining the negatively manifested masculine energy. A man with such energy might also have the narcissistic self adoring energy, making him very seductive and charming. Using that such a man can con the woman he's chosen to torment, to fall in love with him, after which he can totally wreak her life in thousand little pieces, just out of spite.

Like I've said this is true the other way around too. A woman like this can do the same to a kind and loving man, using him until he's just an empty shell. This is the same kind of women who bully other women, to make the good men only have eyes for this nasty liar. She will lie about the good women, and project all her own nastiness upon her victim. She will portrait herself as the pure and innocent saint and the other woman, the chosen target of her smear campaign, as the liar and smearer. More or less turning the table of the actual truth of things. This is typical for female bullies, that they very early on start to lie about their target, long before the other woman has a clue. Of course this is also true when their target is a man, like a boyfriend or a husband. Even if you are the best of men, they will tell everyone you are a handful. They will make out that you never help out or do far less then you truly do. In their stories their men are abusers that are treating them horribly, while they at the same time are living for free, letting their guy do all the housework, taking care of the children, home and all material things. All the while as this kind of woman is complaining and living her life like she had no responsibility at all.
So whatever the target this kind of malignant woman will more or less behave the same. They will project their own malice on their target. Like I said I've been targeted by such women a few times in my life. It all started with my mother rejecting me the day I was born. She would not admit of doing so, but it's obvious it started that day as I was born with a birth defect. Women with negative female energy hate anything defect as it's not perfect. That is the reason such women tend to be the type that put down any of their animals that are diagnosed with the slightest sickness, without giving them any chances to get cured. That is just an aspect of this affliction. They want perfection and a baby born with defects are not perfect so they will reject the child. Eventually, if others tell them the child is perfect, they might rethink, but never totally. The first impression that the child is defect will always lure under the surface. So I was born with a defect and then mother let the hospital inject me with the TBC vaccine, in spite of her being immune of that and it being very dangerous to vaccinate a new born like that if she was. She never has admitted to being immune of TBC to me, but told others whom told me, and she never admitted that it was the TBS vaccine that caused my severe reaction when I was new born.

All this put together is very peculiar as a normal reaction by a mother would be to be angry at the hospital for injecting her baby like that, without asking her if she was immune. For some reason she never wanted to talk about this subject and only brushed it off, when I brought up my huge aching scar, like some unknown shot I got when new born. Then she changed the subject. It was father who told me about the enormous boil of puss that I had where my thigh mets my butt. It was very painful my whole childhood, and very big. Father showed me very vividly how big the boil was as he clutched his fist and said it was as big as that. Imagine a boil big as a grown man's fist on a new born. The image is sickening. So why did my mother lie about the reason behind this? She must had lied to her husband too, as he neither had any answer to why I got this thing. All he knew was how it looked. And I could sense he was very happy I had overcome it and survived. Mothers reaction has always been dual, like part of her wished I'd died and part of her was happy I'd survived. She's never changed in this dual message reactions to anything in my life. It's always been like half of her totally hates me and the other part wishes me well. So my childhood dream of her being both a good person and a very evil person fits very well.
One thing that confirms this dream of mine is her own revelation of believing she had a demon stalking her. That was back in the days she felt very uneasy and would change rapidly in her mood. She was not collected one bit and she was agitated over everything her ex-husband for many years was up to. She just could not loose her grip and let him be happy in whatever way he choosed, but had to meddle and control things. I think that was the reason she felt so unstable at that time, but who knows. The only thing I know is that she was complaining over this demon stalking her and after that she's changed her outlook and now she does not need us to visit her or whatever she was on about before. If the demon won she would most likely not care for grandchildren and old family bonds that much anymore, but rather live a shallow lustful life, like the negative female energy - the demonic one - would prefer. The slot energy that rather run around meeting men, then go visit a granddaughter. The benefits of letting such an energy win is that you will no more second guess anything you do, and you will finally have given up the struggle. It's cause you let the demon win your soul. So you will feel the calm and believe you finally have reach your true self.

But what you really have done is to choose the easy road, the lazy choice. You don't have to care for others anymore, only yourself. When others feel hurt due to your careless attitude you can just brush them off as over sensitive and over reacting. You don't have to care what their real emotions are, as that would be hard work. Instead you can do like mother did when she was pulled into the con of my sister, you can write an insulting mail to the innocent one and make out you know all about the issue. That is lazy. Then you can continue to smear the innocent person, the one set up by the con artist, to help defame and harm me. Just like the bully, my sister, wanted her to do. If she'd been still searching for a deeper connection mother would not had been so easy to control, but as soon as a person believes she's in a real self, and let this negative energy get control over you, it's very easy to make you help out in bullying. Mother had helped out alot when she was younger to bully me, so it's not a new thing. She's been fighting this demon a very long time and she's been very mean to me many times. This time she was totally sure I was the liar and could not one second phantom that the person she knows is a liar and deceiver was the one lying this time also.
Mother has no memory ever of me being a deceiver or a liar and still her first choice is to project these qualities unto me, just cause the bully got a couple of assistant bullies to all project this unto me. Mother knows that this liar had lied about her very own 75th birthday party, which mother had organized. She knows that this liar told us it was not mother doing it, but her who'd done the organizing. And mother knows that the liar had kept it a secret that she was going to move away, so shortly after mother moved to the same community this liar lived in, she suddenly moved away. Mother has told me, though it took her three years to admit, that the liar had kept this move a secret to mother until it occured. So mother knows she's a liar. She knows that the liar changed her first name without telling anyone before she did it. She knows she took a name that was special to me, and that I wanted to use for my own daughter. That was very devious, as if I'd not miscarriaged I might had gotten a girl named like that. So she'd immediately changed her name shortly after I married and she turned 18. The legal age at which she could do this name swop. The thing is that mother knows that my sister took the name in a very deceptive way, as she herself immediately blamed me to be the cause of her actions, as I'd been so open about my love of that name. 

There is many more events mother knows about, going back further or not as far in time. I don't even remember them all and most would take too long to explain. What is nasty and devious depends on so many factors that it takes alot of explaining to make an outsider get the issue. I will therefore just conclude that there is no way mother does not know that I'm the honest and trustworthy of us two, as she even told me this the same month this charade started, where my sister had her trap slam into my face. Mother straight out admitted that I was the one of her four children that was the most responsible of all. The one who you could count on. So how do that add up with me being that lying, conniving bitch she then helped my sister, my second brother and my brother-in-law to spread out among our family and friends? What in the world was she thinking? According to me she was not. She was not thinking one bit, only reacting to the input she received from the hive-mind of the negative energy of destruction. While the positive energy of both male and female energy will make you think individually and therefore act in an individual way, the negative energy will instead resist any thought forms that are like that, as that is of source. The negative wishes to destroy anything out of source, and it wishes us to give up our individual thoughts and go with the group.
All bullying is originating from a wish to kill peoples belief in themselves and in their own abilities to understand. To give up and let someone else decide what is best and what is true. When a person is controlled by a bully no amount of evidence will make that person change their view. They will never understand the evidence and they will not comprehend the significance of said evidence. It's like they are buffoons, lunatics. But since they feel comfortable that they are supported by the masses, or some authority, that claims they are in the right, they will not even dream they are as crazy as they truly are. Mother used to work and loved then how she never had to take responsibility for anything, as the place she worked at had her ass covered. Well, it turned out in the end that there was a limit to that too. But she loved the lack of responsibility. So she knows I'm responsible, and she loves the idea of not having to be responsible for her own actions, which leads me to think that she might actually dislike me for not taking on the guilt of her favorite children, when they are lying yet again. In my point of view she does not care an iota that they've lied to set me up as a nasty trouble maker, but all she cares about is that I let them treat me like shit. She refuses to see any wrongs on their part for trying to force this onto me.

Going back to my birth she might very well need to believe for ever that there is something fundamentally wrong with me, so her action at that time is forgiven. I was a sick puppet after all that needed to be put down! All people telling her how perfect I was, they were all wrong after all. Whenever someone did give me a nice complement mother's normal reaction was to attribute the compliment to herself. I remember when a relative of hers told me how beautiful I was, and mother immediately told this person that it was all down to her and her own beauty. Her very humorous uncle, who'd heard the whole thing, then made a funny remark so I totally heard him, but mother apparently didn't, or she could not understand it's purpose. He said something about fat old hags and something more that was so very funny, as mother was at that time becoming quite fat and she never has been very beautiful. I was at that time 20 years old and indeed very beautiful and slim. It was obvious to everyone, but mother could not let me have that without trying to take it away from me. Liking me to her, was in my eyes nothing I'd wanted to be as I never liked her at all after how vile and unpredictable she always been. And she has never been pretty in any way, shape or form, according to me.
Envy is one of the major reasons women bully other women. If you are beautiful you are more likely to treat other women nice, then if you are ugly. The ugly women are more likely to scorn other women and put them down and they are also more inclined to run to beauty parlors to enhance the slim attributes they do possess. Naturally pretty women might wear their hair naturally and they might not even put on make up or use any fancy cloths. The most pretty women I've seen have been such women and if they do improve their looks they've become stunning very easily. Ugly women might get their hair pretty and they might look good in a pretty dress, but in the end there is just so much you can do when you have a face that is ugly. Many pretty women don't have perfect faces, but there is a limit how bad a face can look before we find the face ugly. I don't mind ugly people, as long as they are kindhearted and don't mistreat people due to their good looks. Many people think bullies are bullying ugly people, or fat people, but the truth is that most bullies are ugly, and also fat, people who bully those they envy. Even many men who bully ugly women are not handsome at all. It's almost always men, or rather immature boys, who bully women and they prefer to attack ugly women. Thanks to that these ugly women start to resent pretty women and badmouth them. Or that is my theory, at least.

I think we should accept and appreciate both those of us who are naturally beautiful, and those of us who need some fixing up to become so, or those who no amount of fixing up can make pretty. The main thing is not how pretty a person is on the outside, but the kindness in their heart. The most foul and evil persons I've met have been pretty as angels, as they just were pure sadists. Sadists don't envy, they only rejoice in others pain, so there is no help to change them. When it comes to my sister I believe she's envious and that all her nasty behavior originates from two sources - her severe lack of empathy for others and her envy of everyone having what she perceives she has not. If she only had my amount of empathy she could had lived with her envy and understood that even the most pretty person has issues. It's something I realized after I became pretty after my teens as an ugly. I realized that being pretty is not fun at all, as it's much like being rich. When you are rich you never know who truly like you and who is only after your money. When you are pretty you never know if it's just cause people want to look good themselves they wish to date you.
So there is these different underlying forces in our world that we in either positive and creative ways manifests or in negative and destructive ways let out to ruin the peace and happiness. The female archetype is the one that in her positive manifestation will create life and abundance, care and health to everyone. The masculine one will when positive act and make sure that what the feminine has created are protected and maintained. These two forces work actually best in unison together. Their negative counterparts are what either is narcissistic and shallow, in it's feminine form, and wish to over shine others, be famous, heard and seen. It's very jealous and filled with envy when it sees others that they perceive as better and more successful. The envy is what will cause the damage and the lies to ruin the lives of their targets. In it's masculine negative form it will be raging and hating and trying to kill and murder what they cannot themselves accept, as their energy will try to force others to conform under their rule of law. These characters demand surrender by anyone that do not follow their agenda, which ever that might be. As long as you play along with such people you might not notice this rage, but if your life plans changes and you need to move in another direction, you will feel their contempt.

What is the major difference between this positive and this negative outlook on life, is the attitude to truth. The positive people, living to create love and care for everyone, will hold truth as the most high. There is nothing as appalling to such people as a deliberate lie. Everyone can make mistakes, but to falsely claim something about another in the attempt to cause them harm, is one of the most vile actions, if not the vilest as it's directed at the soul. The negative people on the other hand cannot see how lies can be of any greater importance. Everyone lies, they will claim, not ever differentiating between a mistake due to a lousy memory, or a deliberate lie to cause another person harm. They cannot see that bringing harm to another person is of any concern, as long as that person is not themselves. It's incredible to see how these kind of people can totally negate the hurt others are suffering, while in a blink of a second rage over absolutely nothing, when they believe they are under attack. Having an opposing opinion to such people are enough for them to label you a bully and many more insulting names. They they will go on defaming you to the world, while claiming you are doing it to them. All cause you wont budge to their will.
Alot of this blog has been about bullies and the difference between using your male and female sides in either a good or bad way. It's cause this is very close to my heart and very much what the energy of the love goddess is all about. Like I said she can be a terrible slot and selfish drama queen if she rules without empathy and heart, but when she is healthy and rules like the caring and lifegiver she's ment to the goddess is truly good to all of us. Let us however not look upon her as a person, or an entity, but more like I've said, an archetype. Something we all can apply to ourselves. There are really only two major archetypes, which we can use in two ways, but there are almost infinite ways these different possibilities may play out in our reality. It's due to the complexity of existence, but in the end it's either or, the rest is just what makes it interesting to watch. I do hope that more would realize the stupidity to act like a spoiled brat, self centered and cruelly fake, and instead embrace the positive female qualities. There is this belief that unselfishness is very negative, but that is only cause of the bad people taking advantage of such actions. Without the energy thieves and vampires you can be as unselfish and kind you want, as others would instead give back equally. That is how it is without the liars and con artists, which is not yet in our world. So now it's very dangerous to live like it's such a beautiful and kind world, without setting boundaries and protection from scumbags.

Here I've shown you several gifts from my site. The first, third, forth, ninth and the last are all creations by myself totally. Then there are the ones I made from tutorials and did as it said, which are the second, eighth and the tenth gift. The rest I used a tutorial, but changed it so it suited my own needs instead. So different graphics, but following the tutorial in all other ways. Those gifts I did that way are the fifth, sixth and seventh one. It's a very blue theme on this site and also on many of its gifts, in spite of this site being among my red sites. I know that is confusing and I assure you I'm just as confused as anyone, but as this site is about creativity, and Venus being the goddess of that, it just had to be this way. I just like the blue colour on creative matters and that I think is cause this realm is a creation and seen from outside it's blue. I could not imagine any other colour to use when portraying this realm. The realm I'm thinking about is this universe as I think that was what I saw just before I was swapped into the blue tunnel and downloaded into this body, shortly before I was born. I've written alot about that before so I need not go into it again. Hope you will enjoy this site.
IngRuna - Love Circle

The Purpose Of Ruining Your Reputation

There is a perfectly logical reason behind a malignant persons attempt to ruin an honest and ethical persons reputation. Atleast if you look from the perspective of a malignant persons interests. They are interested in ruining what they see in others that is better then them, so if you have moral and ethical thinking, are emotional and empathetic, they will like to destroy that as they don't have those qualities themselves. They envy you and they want to steal those qualities from you, so they will set up a trap where they make it out as you are the deceiver, the liar, the thief, so they can ruin your reputation and steal your qualities by acting like the good, honest person that has now been victimized by this horrible person - you - who is the truly good person. That is the purpose why they do this, as they can't achieve this by themselves, as they don't have any morals, any ethical compass or any compassion for others needs and wants.

They can however see others that have these beautiful qualities and they will realize that they can never get them, just like you cannot wish you had artistic talent or musicality and other born with abilities. These malignant people were not born with moral or empathy, so they know they cannot have it - ever. Not for real. But what they can do is to con others into believing they do, so they will fake and pretend as much as they possibly can to make others think they do. And the best trick ever is to again and again set others up as scapegoats to take the blame and then steal their honour from them. People doing these kind of robberies are very interested in outer images, and not the kind that goes around and mindless hurt and abuse people. These people will act like the most consciencious and kindhearted of all and will most likely behaved like this from early years, when in public spot light. 
It's all about performance to such a person, but despite of all their efforts the inner truth will always be that they lack true kindness and honesty deep down. No matter what loving and caring upbringing they've received they will never feel content. Siblings will be baffled over how this loved and so very spoiled now adult child can proclaim never to have been loved. It's cause they were in the most cases most loved of all and they never were told "no" or hold accountable for any mischief they accomplished when growing up. It is baffling cause they were never punished, never told off and still they will tell stories of unknown abuse. It's like some unreal twilight show when you hear such a person tell how coldhearted they were treated by the parents, how they got smacked around and neglected. I've read afew such odd comments over mail these last years as father and mother got older and older. What the purpose is of such weird proclaimations one might wonder, and I do have a theory in progress on it.

It's again the same thing actually as the purpose of ruining a good and loving persons reputation, by stealing it from them. By stealing the abused childrens pain, neglect, punishments, and remaking them to theirs, they are now either more to pity or atleast on equal level as them. I've read quite alot on this issue these last 2 years to now know that sociopaths mimic you to gain your empathy and trust. So by acting like they felt unloved by the parents in their upbringing they can bring you closer to them, as they know fully well that in many cases you were treated very poorly. They know that as they caused alot of the pain you had to suffer, as their mischief and nastiness was framed or atleast blamed on you. Sometimes framing is not even needed, as it often is enough you were around to make you responsible, as you should had stopped the nasty child, and since you didn't manage to do that - not for lack of trying - you are to blame, according to the unloving parent. In my case it was always the mother and also her mother who got to this conclusion. 
The fact that granny on so many occasions agreed made it so much worse, but now looking at old photos it's obvious granny only loved my baby sister and had no love to spare for me. I was loving my granny to pieces and the thought about loosing her was more then I could bare. But it was stupid and childish of me, as in my grannies eyes I was not of any importance and only a nuisance. Of course I was, as mother didn't have high opinions about me she'd shared them with her mother. That is how this works. I didn't look like grannies children. I looked like the children in my fathers family, so of course granny didn't love me like she loved my sister, who's a spitting image of some of grannies own offspring. That is how it works among such people. They love themselves so much they only care for children that look like them. If I was that way I'd not cared for any of my own, as they all take after their father mostly.

So the purpose of posing as an abused child is to bond with you over your old hurts and pain. To make you pity the sociopathic sibling over imaginary hurt they've been through. That's why nothing adds up that they talk about. Like in my case I've been told that mother used to smack my sister around, like she did it regulary. I've never seen anything like it ever, nore have I ever heard my sister speak about such events. Never ever. I've never seen her upset, crying or feeling badly treated in this way she wrote about and she only wrote it once, when she wanted me to take care of mother for her. It was her husband who's been nagging her to get rid of his mother-in-law, whom he severely dislikes, and my sister wrote these very nice mails to me, acting like my best friend. I hardly heard from her in ages and after I sent her off a mail asking about a thing mother wanted me to send to my sister she changed the topic over from my question to how to handle mother. That was how I was told about this abuse going on in her childhood, that I knew nothing about.
You might think that it's no big deal not me knowing such a thing, and that her never telling me anything about this before or after does not mean she lied to me. But the thing is that I lived at home till she was 13 and I was very close to her all this time, from she was a tiny new born. I loved the little baby to pieced and there was nothing I wouldn't do for her. She was so cute and wonderful and I wanted her to have the world. If I'd heard anything about mother smacking her I'd been the first to stand up for her and put mother straight. I was not afraid of mother and never have been. I just am not. Mother may lie and insult and twist and gaslight, but in the end she is quite stupid and simple minded. She is not half as devious and cruel as her greater then God golden boy. But not even him was I afraid off, and never has been. He was annoying, cruel, lying, manipulating, but all those things I was used to. There was a time when my sister was very small, when I was not so cocky, but that must have been like when she was 3-5, but at that time I was very close to her, so no chance.

Not even when she got older did I really drift away from her in a way that could make me miss such abuse. When she was 6-8 I was all over her, and that went on till she was atleast about 9-11. About that time I got my first boyfriend and that could cause me to be less attentive to what was going on in her life. But she was not a little girl at that time as she was already as tall as me when she was 11 and when she was 10 she was in mother's hight. So the thought of mother punching her baby girl around just seems too ridiculous to be real to me. As a matter of fact I think she got her memories mixed up, as she knew I'd told stuff about my childhood and somehow I think she thought mother had smacked me around, which she hardly ever did. I honestly only can remember one time I got a proper smack in my face, and no other. I did get plenty of smacks from my favorite nanny and to be honest that didn't bother me at all, as it was honest emotions.
Mother rather teased and ignored then smacked, and her words were crueler then the nannies smacks. Still I never felt scared of her, but more anxious and not trusting, when she was in certain ways. Most times I did trust my mother and I never thought about her actions as weird, though in hindsight I can see that a few were. Luckily children are very resilient and we don't hang on to stuff after we grow up and leave home. So the memory gets blurred, but I still have a hard time to believe that my memory of being responsible of my sisters actions was untrue, and that mother instead smacked my sister rather then telling me off. I'd rather believe that mother would had asked me to take care of my sister, if she was annoying her, like my sister wrote in that mail she had to make mother smack her. It certainly sounded in the mail like mother smacked her more then once, which is even more peculiar. When did this smacking occure or was it all a ruse to make me bond with her?

I think the latter and that my sister got it wrong. It was not mother that smacked me in anger for me annoying her, but she'd be cruel in words only. The smacking was mostly done by that nanny, and she only stayed a year and I never told that story like a pity story, but a funny story as I used to upset her on purpose to make her angry. I don't know why I did it, but I was in the terrible fives so maybe it was my way of making sure she truly loved me. But then she left me and I never saw her again, so thinking about it she mustn't have. Or she'd been back. I was not much for self pity when I was in preschool years so I didn't think like that. I was sure she'd be back one day. Today I feel sorry for the little girl, as she was let down by another adult, but that's another story. Daycare people and nannies are not the ones the children should bond with, but children without real mothers tend to do that. Which is very sad.
The mirroring of your own experiences is well known to be a method used by sociopaths to make you more susceptible to their manipulations as you then tend to identify with them. The identification makes you empathize with them and when you do that you naturally wish to help them out. Hence the mirroring. But alot of times when they try to mirror they use old information that they might get abit twisted and in my opinion my sister got it all wrong there. She might actually have a memory of the only smack I remember ever getting from mother, as she was the cause of it. She had not obeyed me and that caused her to fall down the stairs and I got smacked in the face for wanting to go to my cousins room and look at her dolls. I was eleven years old and of some reason I could not go there without dragging my sister along, and as the room was upstairs she would had followed if I left her downstairs, and the grown ups could not look after her. I didn't want to bring her along, but I was forced to by mother, and when I was looking at the dolls my sister had a change of heart, disobeyed and went back to the stairs.

And that is the only time mother, according to my memory, ever smacked me. But like I've said before smacking was not what bothered me, but her unfairness. This was also true at this occasion as I'd told her I wanted to go upstairs and was not allowed to as my sister followed me, so I had to bring her with me and of course I promised to look after her, as I really wanted to go and look at the dollies. I was for crying out loud eleven years old and loved dollies. I was not a big, tall girl into boys, like some hormone girls might be. I was a very tiny little eleven year old, who only cared for dolls. So maybe this is the memory my sister based her story on, or it might be some vague memory about the nanny. I will never know. But I do know that it's too weird to be true, the story she put forth in that mail. I've got other mails too from her where she totally tries to bond with me and the oldest brother when she talks about our unloving upbringing. The thing is that I totally took that as a personal insult, when I read it the first time, the second time and every time.
Not only cause I loved her so very much and spent 13 years of her life proving it to her every day. But cause I saw how much father loved her and even mother had a big soft spot for her. I also watched granny treat her with such love and sweetness I've never been granted myself. She was protected against all blame by our golden brother, who'd took upon himself to assure that anything she did was in fact my fault, as none could be such a sweet angel's. He's the same way today, that the only one allowed to tell her anything critical is him. If I breath a word of dislike towards her he's there fighting me till my death. It's quite irritating as it's too much betrayal over such behavior. It has nothing to do with if I'm right, but all to do with me not being good enough or something. I hate it and will never ever stand for such shitty treatment that person has given me, ever again. I'm most disappointed with him of all as there is no reason other then selfishness when he treats me horribly.

I didn't think I could be so appalled by anyone as I've been with my golden brother these last years. He's been behaving appalling many times, and I've felt so very confused many times over his meanness. I didn't know why he treated me so very cruel time and time again. Now I do know as I've read up on narcissism and how such people treat others. Every time I've shortly after he's been hurtful brushed it off and moved on, as I'm not someone who linger over small matters. But then it finally dawned on me a couple of years ago that he cares shit for me. And I then remembered that he never ever said he was sorry for any of the cruel things he's done to me. Not once has he regretted anything. And that is just not normal. Instead he behaves like he's done nothing and that all is ok. Mother does the same act and it's typical for narcissists to do that. They love to play the forgive and forget game. 
If you want to bring up why you are mad at them, and wish to talk about the enormous hurt they've caused you they play stupid, not understanding what you are on about and tell you that you are mistaken. Like as if you could be mistaken you've been severely hurt by them. It's all in your head, darling, as nothing has happened. That is actually gaslighting, to make another think the cruel ill deeds never occured. Brother used to tell me, whenever I wanted to clear the air, that I was not allowed to bring up anything old as that was in the past. That is another game they wish to play, which we can call the forget about the past game. Of course it's only the other person who's not allowed to talk about old traumas and insults, that mimic the present, as the narcissist always is allowed to bring up anything, if suited. Mother likes to pretend she does not know anything about what she's done earlier on, like she was not there or something.

This forget the past routine is why people tend to believe such persons are insane, as only insane people could actually forget such horrible rows ending in so very hurtful words. I don't like rowing but when I grew up there were plenty of it as the gaslighting and teasing was ever present. It all started when I was very small when mother used to be very cruel to my oldest brother. As I remember it she used his younger brother already then to make matters worse. By comparing one child to another and playing them out against each other a narcissistic mother can in one event both bully one child into feeling worthless and at the same time drag one child into the game as an accomplice. By doing that she's actually harming both children, and the one she uses as an accomplice is the one that develops into another narcissist. That's the rule and not the exception. I do believe it's cause the child already is suffering from lack of moral she's able to do it.
That's what all of this boil down to - the lack of good ethical foundations. To be seen as a bad person is never good if you wish to be respected so therefore the need to steal some of that, if you don't have it. The narcissist often become very good at that game. There are many kinds of narcissists and some are cleaver to portrait a good wholesome persona out front. They look like good honest people, that are kind, charming and generous. To a superficial person they might seem like wonderful people and that's why alot of them rather have shallow friendships, or changes friends often, then keep closer ones around. If they do have old and close friends they are most likely very much under the narcissists spell, so they cannot really see anything wrong with their less then moral behavior. They are used to it and think it's only them being them.

But to establish and keep an outer image of perfection is harder, as everyone isn't that generous. It's at these occasions they need to steal from others, and put these other people down as the scum bags. This is done by setting traps and make sure the victim falls into one or two. The more the better, but it might take a few traps until the prey is caught. Once you are snared they go about to destroy you as the trap is made in such a way that you have no clue really until they close it, that it was a trap. Up until then you might think all is fine. But afterwards you realize they've been spinning stories for years, or months, weeks. It all depends on the trap how long they've been preparing by telling these stories. The stories is told to make the spectators see what the sociopath wish them to see. So when the trap closes there is this story already in everyone's head and whatever really is going on doesn't matter as the illusion is all that matters then.
For instance, they might have been told that you are envious and out to get the sociopath, and that you've been complaining on them or nagging or whatever the story is. Then when you open your mouth when you see something weird your questions are not seen as normal curiosity, but as annoying nagging and harassing. The trick might be even more complicated then that or less. It's not hard to make others think you are up to bad stuff, when a sociopath has been bad mouthing you for years and years. Not if the sociopaths mother and brother both been doing the same shit towards you for even longer. Then people already believe they know you are a bad, rotten apple, and it does not matter it's all a con. It's at that moment, when they think they've made everyone hate you and not believe you, and you feel alone and hated by everyone, it's then they feel like they've stolen your inner essence from you, the true diamond they don't possess themselves. And that is why they do it.

They do this to you cause they hate that you got what they don't. A kind and loving soul that does know right from wrong, who cares for each and everyone and could not possibly do the horrible things your own family does to you. Not to them and not even to your worst enemy, as it's so devious and deceptive. While they seem to enjoy the thrill of having secrets, you are tormented by secrets. You want to tell everyone harmed by their lies what really happened, but alot of it is old wounds and you have no proof. That is terrible distressful, knowing the truth and knowing their lies have caused harm to people that up till this day trust them and believe in them. You know they really shouldn't, but you know you won't be believed if you now, so long after some of the things happened, would finally tell them the truth. That is the reason they hate you - cause you know their lies and you remind them of what they never can be. Ever.

IngRuna - Love Circle