All content on this blog is fictional and any resemblance with actual events are purely coincidental. When you choose to read this blog you also agree to not get offended or try and use any content to defame me as a person or anyone connected to me. If you cannot commit to this agreement you are violating the agreement you agreed to by reading this blog. I repeat that by the act of reading this blog you are committing to this agreement of not getting upset or using content in a way that could be considered an act of aggression. If you cannot follow this agreement I urge you to not read.

fredag 3 oktober 2014

Goddess Fate

Now I will present the second website of my red sites. I started this one as I once adopted a webring called The Zodiac. It started out as that but eventually it grew into what it is today and it's been quite a calm place with not much arguments or bad comments about it. Only trouble there was ended when I deleted the webring, as RingSurf totally ruined that for all of us owning rings there. At that time I of course had to deal with members not following the directives and an ever smaller circle of websites. All this creativity of making own websites seems to have seized when Facebook took over peoples lives. Before that people seemed more in control of their own fates, making own very individual pages on the internet, but after these communities took over they are all pretty much the same. It's all about getting likes and appealing to as many as possible. The guestbooks belonging to all personal websites are also disappearing one after another, so there is never any more guest on any of my sites since March last year. If you like to visit my website, please go here - Goddess Fate - and you can click your way through the entrance to seek deeper insights of the zodiac and our universe.

There is an agenda on this planet to faze out our creativity. The possessed people, heavily infected with the psychopathic virus, hence are dead set on first and foremost destroy truly creative, loving people. You might think it is by chance, but it's not. The virus knows who to attack and that is why there is a vast higher probability a creative and loving soul will be randomly a victim to attempts to either destroy them physically or mentally. Or in any other way or form that there is to destroy a person in this world. You might ask why it's so important to destroy true creativity and the answer is cause all that is of pure source energy and will then be able to destroy the controllers power over our minds. That is why they try to control creativity with contests in creativity, which is totally ridiculous as a judge cannot decide who is creating in the right way, as the judge is only another human being. Another way to do it is to have the masses decide what is right, but the masses are never in front of the crowd, but far behind in the middle. So whatever the crowed vote for will be far from creative. The ones they want gone are the odd personalities, the original souls, that create from their inner power, connected directly to source. They want people who mimic enough to be accepted by the masses, and who are charismatic like vampires and energy thieves always are.
People connected to themselves on the higher plane will be following their true path or fate. Doing that they can cause anything to happen, which is highly dangerous to those wishing to control humanity. The controllers are very few, and it seems like most people we know about as the men and women in power have actually totally given away their souls to these true controllers. They are in no way in power, not even of themselves, but act compulsively, destroying the lives even of their own children and grandchildren when poisoning this planet. These people are what I would call mad. They are out of their minds. But to the majority of humanity they are the most hated or respected or feared people. We as a group consciousness fear those who are totally entrapped as souls with absolutely no power what so ever over their own fate. But on the surface they look rich, powerful and successful. It's all a scam, like an advertise, where you are led to believe that this is the goal and what you should wish for yourself. Just like these ads have no solid foundation in reality, these successful people have nothing you, as a free and truly creative soul, would ever want to have in your life. The rush of power and superiority they are allowed to feel, to be granted the riches and fame they are allowed to have, is the only gratification but at the price of feelings so more powerful and enriching they could most likely not imagine, at the level of consciousness these people now are in. They've been conned. Big time.

This kind of mentality is all around you. Even in many of our families, you will have family members who believe they have special powers you don't possess. By making this deal with the devil, as it's often called, they will have traded their heart and empathy for powers of suggestion and mind fuck abilities over others. When they lie and connive to get better presents then their siblings or harass the parents into giving up and allowing them more rights, they feel superior and more in power then what they perceive their low life siblings have. These family members are truly now infected with this virus, as they will bring harm to their loving and caring siblings, just to get the thrill of having the power to do so. They will start fights with their siblings by setting up traps to them and then act out as the innocent victim of their siblings upset when the truth is revealed. The parents, who have been hypnotized by the deceiving children's power of suggestion, will not even try to understand what kind of malice that is going on and without a second thought punish the upset child. It's the same as punishing a child that just have been punched in the face by a sibling, instead of punishing the abuser. It's still abuse.  

In my own family there was first a son, who had not one manipulating bone in his body. He reacted to what happened to him so his nasty younger brother soon noticed how easy it was to confuse him with lies and then get him into a frustrated rage so the parents would conclude the big brother was the problem, while in reality it was the younger one's evil lies and manipulations that caused all the trouble. It always ended with severe punishment and ridicule directed to the older brother, while the younger one put up an innocent face and enjoyed the pain he'd caused his brother. To live with himself he defamed his older brother to everyone, behind his brothers back, while keeping up the illusion of him being the hero of them two, by holding the older brother close to him. It's the push and pull game narcissists play with us to make us come back for more abuse. They hurt us and then they pull us back with kindness and friendship and make us forget the terrible pain they've caused us. They destroy what we care for the most, and then act like we are over reacting when we get upset. They belittle everything that is important to us and make us feel ashamed for everything that matters to us. By doing all these things they brake our soul and make us forget our true path and fate. That is the true intention behind all of this abuse, as such people work with the virus and are not of the source or have any clue whatsoever what real love is about. This second brother of mine actually once proclaimed there was more then enough love in this world, and it was not lack of love that was the problem. It's cause people like him don't know what love is - at all.

Being the younger sister to these two boys I was the observer who saw what was happening. As I did know I was also targeted and physically punished on mothers orders. She's definitely infected by the virus and the first time I realized that was very early in my life. I saw her in a dream as a person with two souls, one human soul and one evil demonic soul. It was very disturbing as I was very young, needing a mother to trust, and I could never know who of these two she was every day. It gave me deep anxiety that I've had to live with my whole life. A feeling that I can never trust anyone, as I could not even trust my mother. Unfortunately this is an infection that are inherited into a family, mostly due to some mental illness and unfair abuse going on, and every generation are affected in some way or another. It's the abused children that will have most trouble not passing this particular virus along, but also the children given special treatment, while looking on when their siblings are abused will pass this along. Just like our mother believed she was a better child then her two abused siblings, our brother believed he's better then his. Atleast I and the oldest brother know some of what is ill in our family, while he has not a clue. He relish in the idea that he's more entitled and special then us two others. Cause mother told him so.

The interesting fact in this is that the first brother was highly interested in extraterestials, sci fi and many other fascinating subjects. None of these interests were shared by the second brother, who was deeply committed to this earth and the material aspect of it. He was always openly an atheist, and ridiculed every thought about spirituality. In spite of that he was mothers favorite, though she was acting like a devoted christian. Using this religion our parents made particulary the oldest brother feel very guilty for his reactions to the manipulation and teasing by his brother and also the abuse by his parents, as they totally used the "turn your other cheek" idea on him. I don't remember that I ever thought much about that concept, but I'm sure it got ingrained in me too the idea that I was not allowed to be mad at them due to their non regretted actions. Coming back to the oldest brothers interests I was the only one in the family sharing them. To me it was obvious that this brother came from another place, where people did not behave so phony and manipulating as our brother did and where other laws of nature were at hand. I just knew this from early childhood and never felt angry due to him doing stupid things, as he kept changing his behavior when he seemed to understand the effects of them.

One thing he never seemed to notice was that he harmed me on several occasions when he was raging after he's been abused by the teasers in our family. Even though his actions truly hurt me physically I somehow understood his pain and I truly knew, only when a very small child myself, that it was the actions by others causing this to happen to me. I never remember that he got told or punished for lashing out on me in this violent way, like it was ok to harm me. That I'm sure was cause him harming me also, when himself in pain, was an extra bonus to the evil virus wanting to harm both of us. As he never got punished when he harmed me he has now no recollection of his actions. He truly does not remember any of these assaults like they never happened. He can hear me talk about them, but not remember them. To me that is very hurtful, as he tells me that I was so insignificant to him that hurting me is of lesser importance then hurting for instance a cat. He even has told me that, as he remembers when he hurt a cat and that has haunted his consciousness ever since, so to him that was a bigger crime then harming me, as he cannot remember my harm.  

In his mind he's a very nice person and in most instances he is a very nice person. But when he cannot remember harming some people, and actually thinking abusing them is not as bad as hurting other beings, he's in many ways very like our parents. Both our parents have refused to feel any guilt for their behavior of punishing two of their children for things done by two other of their children. Not once have they admitted to doing this, like it's never happened. Also mother has on several occasions changed the true course of reality to remake it into something more beneficial for her self image. This remaking of reality to better suite what you prefer is typical for people damaged by dysfunctional families, where any form of diversion from some kind of acceptable norm is severely punished. So the fact that mother always been so good at this art led me to believe she was damaged as a young and sensitive child, and therefore she was behaving so cruel and devious. But then I more and more feel like she enjoys the pain she has caused her victims, and that she enjoys when she lure them back into her circle of influence. Her favorite idea is that blood is thicker then water, so you are obliged to forgive and forget, whatever she's done or said, without her ever needing to regret anything or ask for forgiveness.

All of that is pathological thinking, most likely cause her family of origin never acknowledge suffering they afflicted on the harmed children in their family. The one most harmed in that family was also my favorite, in spite me knowing she was very unstable emotionally. For good reasons too, if you ask me. What mother has told me about the abuse this poor sister had to go through, no child should have to endure. It was not her fault her father had mental issues due to post traumatic stress, reawaken by the second world war. The poor girl had not caused any of the precious wars, nore did she cause that war. But as the father was denied his right to support his family and helplessly had to watch country after country get devastated, fearing his family would soon be in peril, she got caught in this frustration. Pretty much as I got caught in my oldest brothers frustration. And I can imagine that my mothers father felt like a really good person, wishing peace to the world and helping out to achieve this, and I'm sure he never really could internalize the harm he did to this daughter with all the lashing out on her. She was a child and eleven years old when her mother had to move her to her grandmothers home to keep her safe from her own father.

Guess what? Yes, this girl was very creative, loving and caring. She had always loads of creative projects going, raised a huge family and never focused on becoming a snobby successful bitch, but on her children and all their pets. Her whole life was a salutation to life and beauty, but she was considered the mad one in their family, which I feel is so unfair and hateful it makes me very angry. How can they even say those things when they know how badly their father treated her? They make it out as it was the girls fault, that she was too argumentative, too like their father, or any other reason but the truth, that their father let his PTSD affect his daughters life and take away her family from her. She was the one punished for her fathers mental disorder and then everyone considered her the problem as she'd been punished unfairly. Ever since then she must have felt like a reject, an unwanted child that has been discarded like a piece of junk. This is what cause people to feel self loathing mixed in with rage over the realization our soul does have that it's not fair we feel this way. All this together I'm sure is a breeding ground to created Borderline qualities in a child, and to outsiders a person suffering from this hell is the mad one. I'd say that such a person is stuck between the hell of self hate and "mad as hell and I wont take this anymore". That cause what truly happened and cause their harm was never truly acknowledge, and no regrets and asking for forgiveness was ever made.

The reason I know all this about my dear aunt is cause mother did love her alot, and has told me about her and how terrible she was treated. At the same time my mother, looking on this terrible abuse, learned that she herself was a better person as she was never abused in this way. Somehow she was taught that the first born was to ridicule and harm as much as possible, and she went on to do the very same thing when she became a mother. As she was the second born, and dodged the abuse by acting sweet and innocent all the time, she projected for ever innocence and sweetness unto her second child. It all adds up. Then she got a horrible baby brother who stole her mother away from her, when she was just a toddler. Not that she remembers this event, but her mother apparently has told her that she got really upset at this time. The maid smacked mother in her face, grandma had told her, due to her crying and ever since then mother has not shed a tear. Weird. But the important thing is that the baby brother was also considered a problem child, as his parents decided his future and he would not follow their program. He deflected and got another future then they'd wanted for him. So according to mother he was also in trouble alot, and I don't really remember if he also got a good beating now and then or not. But he was the trouble maker, just like I've been projected to me, in spite of me being the most shy and introvert child ever. But I did tell them the truth, when I saw it.

I was the one understanding the second brothers mind games, and his teasing of his siblings to get reactions he could use as weapons on us to make our parents view us two as bad and him as the saintly one. He did that by calmly claiming things that was not true, and watching us get emotional and upset over his blatant lies. The parents then always choose to believe his lies and consider us who were upset as the problem children. Very cleaver, evil and devious. In a short while he acted like the ruler of us three and used us as his side kicks whenever he needed assistance in some of his very boring and material oriented projects. He didn't have any artistic talents what so ever, but was in spite of that projecting alot of these qualities to the outside. He could not paint and had no musical talents what so ever, but he knew mother loved such things and pretended he did. The older brother never made such pretend and were therefore ridiculed as he was very devoted to his own interests. He loved to find out how things really worked, like he wanted to understand this place he'd landed on. Like I said before I had early an eerily feeling he was not of this earth, but had a spirit that had lived on a totally other kind of place then this.

Not long ago this brother told me of a dream he had long ago that totally confirmed my childhood feeling. He had dreamed about how he entered into this realm and what he told me was just like I'd imagined it as a child, that he'd come from a place with less friction, where a unity consciousness was manifested that gave you more solidness to your life, with less conflicting input. This place is very confusing for such a soul and you are bound to make horrible mistakes, without the guidance of such an all compassing consciousness. More then once he's been told that he's an extraterrestial, not of this earth, by people wanting to ridicule him. Which of course wont work as that is exactly what that dream told him he is. Once he tried to get hypnotized to look for previous lives, but the result was only that he was not allowed to see this. Knowing what I've always felt was true my thought about that is you are not allowed to as it would greatly harm your ability to function in this land of confusion, if you access your last home world and it was so splendid and calm you can never truly connect to this awful place after you've been mentally home. Even for the briefest moment I think it might be very dangerous for our missions here, if we are allowed to see and feel such things.

When I was long time lethally ill, without being diagnosed yet, I had a weird dream too, where I was allowed to come home for a short while. What I saw was very much how you'd picture the Olympus where the Greek Gods resides, but it felt like it was only a picture that I myself had chosen as it is beautiful in my eyes, with white pillars and their gardens. I was met by my family, a couple that didn't look older then me but obviously were my true father and mother. They were beautiful and the woman had long blond hair and she wore a white long dress. Also the man figure had white cloths and was very handsome. Then there was another man there who was younger. He looked like a typical Greek man, the more beautiful kind, with curly dark hair and brown eyes. I felt like I was not myself and was ashamed as I looked so ugly now. My true self would had been more like my blond and beautiful mother who was there. But the younger man calmed me that it was only temporary and that it didn't matter to him. He was half laying on a bed sofa, like you'd imagine they'd have in those ancient places. I came over to him and he wanted me to get really close so I lay down beside him and at that moment I was filled with so much energy it totally drowned me. Then I woke up and the awful tiredness I'd felt for so long was all gone. I had also some slight memory that this was not something that would be granted to me again, but something necessary right then.

Now knowing I've been lethally ill for very long I get this message. What I'd felt was pure source energy and without it I'd most likely would had received cancer or other dangerous side effects of the lethal condition I was in. After a few years the illness was detected as I finally got around to go to another doctor, hoping he'd believe me, which he didn't and he also sent me home with some stupid advice, like I was imagining I was ill. Luckily this health center did take some blood and thanks to that found out I indeed was lethally ill, in spite of all doctors believes that I cannot be ill as I look so healthy, according to them. I'm still very angry at this doctor as he would not listen to a word I told him and ignored my very high blood pressure, by comparing me with others instead of with myself. Normally I have a blood pressure at the lowest edge of the normal scale, but now it was at the top level, and such a huge change is not normal at all. But he would not listen. He also could not see anything wrong on my EKG, even if my heart was beating so hard it sounded like huge BOOMS in my head. He ignored that as just a little bit hard, but not understanding why the heart would do such a weird thing. He neither understood that this sound prevented any sleep to occure, and a person needs to sleep. He just could not see how odd it all was, and that was so stupid. A heart doing this is working too hard, and that is a big sign something is very wrong.

All of this comes back to the agenda of ignoring and killing off the truly creative and loving people on this planet, if you ask me. Those clever enough will try and try again to get heard and will find healers that will help them back to life. Those trusting the mainstream health care will perish at worst case, as they are ignored for years in their pain and agony. All surely a plan by the virus, as the complainers and petty self important patients get alot of attention, while only suffering from minor health problems, like a sensitivity to certain food products, like milk. I've seen this myself how a person with such minor problem are totally helped and considered very important to assist. Like her problems are of higher importance then a person like me. It's so very unfair as my condition was lethal and was slowly killing my body, and not even at the end would I be believed. Had they not tested my blood I'd soon after would had died, for sure, and been totally out of help. Still I meet this nonsense from the person I think about, who have this oversensitivity to milk products. I know many who have that, but none so self important as her. She acts like her problem is lethal and horrible, her B-vitamins intake need and all surrounding this and anything concerning her and her family so very special and very grave.

All the while she ridicules truly horrible things happening to others, and minimizing and belittling them. The person I think about is our baby sister, of course, who immediately always either make up a story that makes her the worst afflicted or she laughs off others suffering. She is in no way a better person then our horrible brother, I must say, as she is so clever at making us all feel sorry for her, when she is making it out she has all our problems, but worse. Even after I was recovering from my lethal illness she made me feel sorry for her as now she was sure she had heart problems. She admitted to knowing that I was diagnosed long ago with a most likely born with heart condition, and after I'd told her this heart doctor had warned me of over straining my heart and my worry that the lethal illness might have done alot of that, of course, she immediately put all the focus on her and her heart. Of course I was very kind to her, as I always am, but the thing is - she took away the focus on me, who actually have this problem, and put it on herself. She makes people do that also all the time, like the lawyer settling the estate after father. She makes people think her made up fictional ideas are more real, then actual events and provable facts are. He believes now she is more entitled to the estate then I am, just cause she says so. That's the hypnosis.

Back in 2008 I remember talking to this sister about my bad health problems and her reply gave me so much guilt over how self centered I was, as her health was so much worse then mine. According to her. Now I know that I was lethally ill already at that time and what I'd complained about was caused by my body's inflammatory state. According to her she had worse problem with this then I did, and she'd had it since she was 12. So me just feeling this getting really bad these last two years I felt very stupid, so I didn't want to focus on my problem anymore, in spite of me having severe problems and loads of pains that made life very difficult. I didn't know how to be able to handle a job with such issues and I rarely slept without horrible pains from the area of infection. So this went on for many years getting worse and worse every year until my body gave up and I had to go to the doctor. And he didn't either believe me! But thanks to the blood result everyone got proof I was indeed severely ill, and I was not making anything up. As a matter of fact the question now was how I could had lived in such poorly condition for so long. Isn't that a joke? In my opinion all this happened for me to see what people truly are made of, as this was part of my fate here on earth. Now I can separate me from these selfish people, who love to cause me pain and suffering. The two I know love this for sure is this sister, and the second brother. Also my mother has a very evil strike that doesn't appeal to me what so ever. In my opinion she's a very toxic person that need to cleanse herself before I'd like to have anything more to do with her. Of these three I'd say she is the one most likely to one day be able to do this, but as things look right now I think she'll do that in her next life cycle.

I've made all of these graphics from tutorials using the images suggested by the tutorial maker. The ones I've chosen for this site are of course mostly such that might in some way suite a zodiac sign. Being a Gemini myself I'm mostly attracted to that sign. As you might notice there are lots of signs I have not yet made a gift to. On the site there is however already as gift for Taurus people, that I did not include here. Of some reason I seem to also find many nice graphics to do for Virgo, but that is natural as all one needs is a Madonna figure or a beautiful, kind looking lady with either a child or with wheat in her hands. When you go to the site you have to enter to Zeus Zodiac to actually learn anything about our star signs or some other issues concerning cosmos. It's mostly for entertainment so don't expect rocket science. I also devote this site to our friends out there, somewhere on other planets and solar systems. I have a hard time to digest the notion that our little pearl in space are the middle of everything, that so many humans still feel attached to. Like all the stars are only illusions and other weird notions. I feel much happier to be sure there are other places out there, with more love and care for each other, as the psychopathic virus has not infected the race, as it's done here. Places that have transcended this infection and conquered it, as I'm sure that's the only way to rid yourself from it. To get immune.

IngRuna - Love Circle

söndag 7 september 2014

Dreams About Angels, Archons and Aliens

This is a blog I have wanted to write a very long time, though I have touched on many of these dreams in different other blogs. But I like to put them all in one blog as there is a pattern in them that I think will be more visible if I put them all together as they came to me. First I will try and sort out what these different names for entities actually stands for. I've heard many claim there are no real angels, only archons, and they are all evil and inorganic, or something. But then I heard someone claim that an archon is a ruler, that it's what that word stands for, some kind of non-physical entities that created our solar system (or so some people claim they did) and ever since want to rule it and rule over us. The archons are those we call "god", so there should be plenty of these so called gods as there are plenty of archons. But, the word angel means "messager" and are some non-physical entity that runs errands for the gods, so hence it would be wrong to assume that angels are the same as archons? I think so, as I have had many dreams about angels and they are never shown as evil, power hungry or acting controlling, like a ruler would. 

All my dreams about angels have come with a strong message and it has been the total opposite of what one would contribute to the archonic forces trying to run this world behind the scene. Or as some people claim the archonic forces try to. Remember, that I have no intel about archons from any of my dreams, only about angels, demons, archangels, gods, fairies and of course aliens. I think that is it. I don't think I have met anything else in my dreams, besides human beings and lots of animals. My dreams are mainly filled with cats, but also other animals, but nothing competing with the volumes of cats. The aliens have all been the blond kind, some looking really light haired and others a little mixed with slightly darker, almost brown hair. I've never met weird looking creatures in my dreams that were aliens. One person I met looked like a Greek god, with curly dark brown hair and brown eyes, and I met him in what looked like the Olympus, but I will not speak about that dream here, as it was a personal visit I was allowed to get to gain access to more life energy, as I was seriously ill at the time and unknowingly slowly dying. 
The visit left me with loads of energy to go on, but I understood it was a one off as I had to finish what I had started here before I was to see my true family of origin again. I also saw a couple there, whom I understood were my real parents. I didn't get a close look at them, but they were very worried about me and sent me so much love it revitalized me. The younger man was my real husband from home, and he was waiting for me to finish this job and come back home when it was done. The love from these three people was something so strong and wonderful I have never felt anything like it in the so called real life. The only thing near to it was the feeling I had in me before I went down the blue tunnel into our reality as I was being put in this body to be born into this world. That is when I was still home. I have written about that before, and all I remember is the blackness behind me, the feeling of enormous knowledge, love and wisdom, before being squeezed down the tunnel. I saw the whole universe in a blue light, and now I know that the energy that holds our material universe together is blue. 

Which makes sense as non-physical entities here are often blue in colour, like the Jinns. Blue is also the colour of knowledge, the fifth chacra and the colour of Lucifer, who seeks the truth and knowledge and has nothing to do with the Devil. The Devil is the opposition, the one who goes against. It's a title. There are so many names on entities and many people get sucked up into believes about who is what and reads books telling them to believe this or that, and they end up fighting others who have another idea about what name means this or that. All that is foolish and it's quite sad to see how rude and cruel people behave to those who don't share their own delusions. Most of this reality is actually only just that - delusions. The most deluded are those believing they are the carriers of the ultimate truth, as some spirit has come into their body and explained it all to them, often through some miracle or manifestation that left them with feelings of awe. If they believed that was some religious entity, that choose them cause they were so very special and deserving, they are normally not possible to reach, whatever you tell them. 
They will claim you are of the Devil, or Lucifer, or working for the Darkness, Satan, or whatever funny words they might come up with in the attempt to do harm unto you. That without them having one ounce of understanding what they are talking about. They use words they have not understood, for things not connected to what they want to project unto you. For instance, if I have recollections of the Source and how I came here, one of these spirit possessed persons might tell me that Source is the Void and in there is NOTHING. But he will not answer my question about what he experienced when he was one with the Creator - which is the Source of everything - only claim he knows much more about the Creator then me. But when I ask him what he can tell about Source/Creator he calls the origin of everything NOTHING - void. It is nonsensical, of course, but that is how the deluded minds in this world work. 

Their heads are filled with religious dogma they have been fed by others. Many are possessed by nasty little demons, which is non-physical entities who needs to feed on living beings who are still connected to Source. I felt that this person had a soul that was reaching out, trying to get back to Source, so I told him about this wonderful place, and he made blasphemies about what we truly are, from the beginning of everything. The hate for the Source is of the archons, have I heard from the Gnostics. The archons once came from the Source, the Pleroma, they say, but then left to rule in this realm instead. I know nothing about archons, but my guess is that they are the ones I've been calling demons. I don't think they are the big heads, whom I call gods. The gods are the ones I believe created this universe from the start, and they are one with the Source. They are Source, and Source are them, just like all souls are from the beginning. We are many and we are One. 

These big heads are not the gods people talk about, in my opinion. I think they are talking about demons as they need worship. The big heads with no bodies don't need any worship and they truly love us all so very much, but they only created this world and are not allowed to interfere while the program is running. They have the angels who are allowed to do this as angels are also a part of the program. Angels are, in my opinion, very much like the archons as they've been described to me, but they are working for the benefit of the original thought by the creators. Those who are doing bad things have become very powerful indeed, but none of them are as powerful as an angel, though angels are not in it for the power. I will try and explain this further as I get into my dreams, as this in the beginning is just a few thoughts I have about these issues. 

I have tried to explain how I use the words, as it's the meaning I put into the word that makes it into what it is, and not the meaning you might put into the same word. For instance, some people believe that Satan is Lucifer, but there is no proof of that, none what so ever. Not in the bible and not in any sense of logical thinking nowhere. Satan is considered to be Saturn, who ate his children and killed people in general - a dark and ugly looking entity. But Lucifer is described as the fairest of them all, the fairest star in the sky, the morning star. Also the guy Jesus is said to be the morning star, and we all know that is Venus. There is one great star yet and that is Jupiter. Either way those constantly mixing Satan together with Lucifer is severely deluded. But we must also remember that people can call themselves "satanists" and love puppies and little babies, while they can call themselves "christians" and go out and slaughter the same. It's only words, and it's in our actions we show who we truly are.

Here is my first dream.
This dream did I have when I was in my early 20's, I think. It was before I had met my future husband and when I was still struggling with what I wanted out of life. When she came to me I could not see any wings on her. It was just a lovely young woman with sand coloured long hair and a nice and soft face. She was not stunningly beautiful or had anything magnificent about her that filled me with awe. She just was. She took me by the hand and said with her thoughts into mine that she wanted to show me all that could be mine. It was up to me what I choose, as all of this was mine to have. Then we flew off into the world. She truly showed me marvelous futures I could have, where I would have much money and wealth, living in mansions and having servants. She showed me business corporations, and the possibility to have power over others lives. She took me to the theater, where the celebrities were worshiped on the red carpet, and that was fame. We flew around for awhile seeing all the things that I could choose and ended up inside a huge mall, with big shops filled with beautiful cloths and expensive furs.

As I looked at all the cloths I could have, all the beautiful outfits that could be mine and I could choose to use in my life as a wealthy and prosperous person, my eyes caught a row of grey knitted cardigans hanging from one of those typical hanging devices they have in shops. It was standing far away from all the rest of the cloths, far back beside a small white backdoor, that I assumed went to the storage room. I told the angel to take me there and we floated towards the rack filled with these plain looking cardigans. They were kind of rough, made out of pure wool, and looked very old fashioned and nothing fancy at all. There was nothing special at all with them, but I felt drawn to them. I reached out my hand and put it into the small pocket of one of the cardigans and I felt something small and hard. I took it up and handed it over to the angel. She looked at it and she smiled a mild and kind little smile, then she handed it over to me and held her hand over mine when I heard in my head her say that it was a good choice. I looked down at my hand and saw that what I had picked up was a chain with a tiny silver heart on and I instantly knew that I had chosen true love.
This is my second dream.
Not so long after the first dream I had another dream with the same angel coming to me. This time she had only a message to deliver to me. This was not a very long dream, and the message was very obscure and nothing clear and obvious. It's like this angel wanted to help me, but not to push me into something, as if it was very important that whatever I choose it was coming from myself. And I felt like the reason she came back had to do with the choice I had made in the first dream. She took me this time to an antique shop filled with old things. It was one of those shops with only one row you could walk in straight in from the door and into the store. I walked inside and turned around and looked towards the door. I had the cashier to the left, which was one of those old ones. Everything in the room was old and genuine, which I really like. I looked at the angel in front of me and she handed over a key to me. She said I would know when I was to use it.

The next moment I felt how I was lifted up slightly and glided off to the right into another room, that I hadn't seen before. I saw a little wooden cupboard of some kind with beautiful carvings in lovely colours. I felt like this was some kind of symbolism and I saw the key being put in the lock of the little cute cupboard and it opened up. This was symbolism of the actual opening up I needed to do in the future and I had no idea when and where that was supposed to take place. She said something more with her telepathic way of communicating that told me that I would know what to do with the key in the future. She said I was a key bearer. It's so long ago this dream, like the first one, that I have forgotten so many things and details about both of these dreams. All I remember clearly are the essence of the message the angel wanted to convey to me. I think the first one was a test, and when I chose like I did the next dream showed me I had now become qualified to become one of many key bearers of this world. We are many, have I been told, and we are greatly needed.
I will take a short pause here in my dream telling as I want to talk a bit about what else these two dreams showed me. Both these dreams are very much like what could happen if you are playing some computer game, which was not around when I was in my 20's. But in a game you are given challenges and depending on how you choose different new things happens. I think that whatever I had chosen I would had been given some assignment. I don't think that if I had chosen something else a big bucket of ice water would had dropped on my head and some huge FAIL sign had turned up. No, I think this is a very clever game, just like many games today are like, instead of easy choices of right or wrong. Just like in real life there are some easy choices in games, that truly is either or, but I have the feeling that the angel would had accepted whatever I had chosen. Still I had a feeling she was very pleased that I had made the hard choice, as most will choose the goodies of this world and this world needs people who reaches further then the basic materialistic perspective as all that is mostly distraction from the truth.

The next dream I will talk about came much later and had nothing to do with the two above. The following dreams are more educational and does not let me make choices or give me assignments. They seemed to have a total different objective to connect things with each other to show how this reality has entities whom are magnificent in some ways but also helpless in others. It was several dreams that came shortly after each other and a couple of them I had the very same night. I also want to add that I normally dream a lot about UFO's invading Earth and creating huge wars and havoc all over the planet. I rarely dream about seeing any actual aliens, and the only ones I have met are always Nordic looking. I know that the evil UFO's shooting and waring are not the same as the Nordics in other dreams. I don't know what the UFO's represent. Perhaps it's the archons? I also normally never dream about angels and these things, nore am I obsessed with angels. I am not religious and don't think I see angels in windows and such things I've heard others do. These dreams came for no reason I know of.
My third dream in this blog.
I think I had this one before the next one, but I had them the same night and perhaps one could argue it's the same dream, so I will make them into one. In this first part of the dream I was only a big head and I knew that I was a god. I felt myself flying through the universe and I came to Earth and flew down and watched everyone. I saw great pains and sufferings and my heart cried out as I wanted to help out, but I was told in my head that I could not interfere as this had to be. I was only allowed to watch and had not the right to do anything to change anything of what happened in this world. I asked why, and understood that I was not of this world and only those of this world had the right to change or interfere in anything going on in this world. All I could do was float around and watch and love the beautiful creations that all life on Earth are. I felt so much love for everything and I felt how it was to be one of the creators of the universe. It was both a wonderful feeling and a sad feeling as my heart was with the living down on the planet. I so wanted to make a difference and help out and I felt it was frustrating to be so powerful as I was and not be allowed to do so.

I then was shown that I needed to be something else but a godhead to be able to help out, something I have called a guardian angel. It's someone who is both ethereal but also of this world. Someone who could fly like the god did, but not so far away, as the god could go back to Source whenever wanting to, while an angel is of this world and cannot. Or atleast I guess this is so as the angel is part of the program. These guardian angels are the miracle makers of this world. I was shown how I flew down to a man who was drowning and lifted him up from the branch he was hanging on up to the shore. There was no-one else there but him and I and nobody else but him would know the miracle that occurred as he felt himself be lifted up by this force and taken to safety. I loved how I could help out and save people from harm and tragedy and I felt great joy as I was this guardian angel who was able to do all this great work on this planet. 
Before I move on to more dreams I like to add some thoughts about this dream. There are many sorts of angels and the guardian angel is one that has this special task of looking after people here on Earth. Many have felt like they are miraculously helped in hopeless situations and what I feel about this is that just as I was both a person asleep in my dream, I was also this guardian angel and I was this godhead. I was all three at the same time, only I am only experiencing each one at once. So whenever we are helped we are helped by us humans own guardian selves, when manifesting in the program like these helpers. We can also be angels in the flesh and help out in real life, while being humans. That's when we tell someone that they were a real angel, helping us out like that. So no harm in angels as such, just like there's no harm in being a human, it all depends on what kind of human you are. There are good people and bad people doing bad things. Just like there might be bad angels.

If an angel is becoming very low in its energy or vibration and due to that looses the way they will become programs that are like demonic in character. I suspect it's from bad working angels that the Gnostics get the idea about the archons, but I'm not sure. They claim the archons created this solar system, but I feel that is wrong. I think the big heads did that, and everything else, as they work for the Source and are the Source manifesting itself as different heads. Just like it's actually the Source manifesting itself as angels, or humans or whatever creature. Everything has a spark of the Creator in them, and are hence the same as the Creator/Source. Like a fractal, I would think is the best comparison. The ones that do bad things are the ones that destroy for others on purpose and try to put others down to rise themselves. This game is done in many ways and it all comes down to the imaginary limitation, which gives entities the idea they need to take from others to gain themselves, instead of creating themselves from nothing, like we're supposed to do.

This is the fourth dream.
In this dream I am not on Earth, but on another planet I feel is in some other dimension or reality. I've been to this world many times in my dreams so I am well aware of it. I will first describe it to you as it's a marvelous place. The sky is always in a greyish colour or it's night and all dark. I have never seen a blue sky or any stars as it seems to be thick clouds covering the sky. The ground is more amazing as there is only rocks and they are totally vertical, standing straight up from the ground. I have tried to see the bottom, but it's covered in clouds or a mist or just darkness. It's a very colourless world and the environment seems very harsh. Still there are great buildings up on the vertical rocks, that seems to be flat on top, or they've been flattened out. The buildings are very wide stretched and I cannot see where they end. They are made out of steel and glass with a walk way all around outside of them, so you can walk by a railing and look down into the abyss.

This time when I was there I came upon some souls from planet Earth that were there too. They wanted me to join them and let demon spirits into me aswell. They promised me great powers if I only let me be taken over by a spirit. I declined the offer and backed away from them out on the balcony and to the railing. They called on me and they mocked me for my "cowardness" as I climbed to the outside of the railing. They then yelled at me to not be stupid, "what are you doing" and I could feel that they thought I was insane, trying to kill myself. I then backed out into the thin air and they all gasped as they expected me to fall to my death. But I hung in the air looking at them. They then realized I could levitate, which they could not inspite of all their powers. That made them jealous and the started raging at me. I then opened up my huge wings from my back and they realized in terror that I was an arch angel. I don't think they knew what that was, but they clearly feared me. They launched an attack towards me and I lifted up my right hand and made them all float up in the air and be gently tossed backwards and onto the ground. The message they got was that their powers were nothing compared to the power of a being in tune with the Source, which is all love.

At last the fifth dream and some aliens.
In this dream I was back at work in the old hometown and my boss, the vicar, wanted me to sort out a huge mystery. All the church choirs were gone missing from all over the country and he wanted me to go and find them. It was quite a long dream and I don't remember all the ins and outs anylonger, but eventually I found myself on a spaceship that was landed on our Earth. Inside of the ship was all the missing choirs. I spoke to them and tried to make them come out of the ship and go back to their homes, but they would not have it. They said they were needed by these "gods" that they were playing for all day long. They were not appreciated as much at home as they were by these wonderful beings. So they had decided to stay on their ship and play for them. I went and spoke to the aliens, who where nice enough, but it turned out that the reason they wanted the choirs was cause their music was energy for them, and they only wanted them to play so they could travel the universe. I went back to the choirs and told them this, that all they really was to these aliens was batteries. When hearing that they swiftly changed their minds and departured from the ship.

But I was not so sure I wanted to go back to Earth and I felt like I really wanted to go with the aliens and see their home world. My youngest two children were with me and the daughter wanted also to go with the aliens, but the son didn't. He left with the choirs and I had a huge choice to make. Either I would leave with my youngest daughter and most likely never return, as the aliens only had energy for the trip home, but not back again as they had lost their batteries. Or I would had to pass this exciting opportunity to see the Galaxy, the Universe, and choose my love for my son before my love for adventure. Both me and my daughter had to make this hard choice and we both realized that we loved our son and brother too much to never see him again. So we ran to the busses, that was picking up all the people from the huge space ship, and told our son and brother that we loved him and wanted to stay with him just cause of that. 
I feel like I need to say something about this last dream. I think the other dream with the demons and the arch angel spoke for itself, but this one was a little more tricky. There is this tale about the backside of the Moon, where you can hear church music. It's actually said that it comes up from the Moon itself. It's weird tale and I heard it only after I'd had this dream. Also I've heard that any form of worship is energy that can be harvested and church music might also very well be such an energy source, just like the dream suggested. At least the church choirs could be symbolizing worship on this planet, and the aliens might be the false gods people worship daily. These creatures are no gods as no god needs worship to sustain himself or herself. Just like these aliens in their huge space ship were no gods. They were not worse then humans, as I figured out and I wanted to join them and didn't find them evil in any way. But they were leaving this planet and wanted most likely to return one day, so therefore they wanted to bring their batteries with them. The people who gave them their energy. 

This makes me think about all those wanting to be taken by god, raptured. I've had another dream about such events taking place, but where they actually just took people away. But in this dream it was different aliens, kind of human looking, but not the same intensely fair people that was in the dream where they took away most people on Earth to another place to live. No, these were not taking the choirs for any other reason then the selfish need of energy. The ones the fairer aliens took were not worshipers, they were just souls that had not evolved enough to be in harmony with Source and Earth, so they had to go to another place. This dream with the choirs was all about worship, I was working at the Church again, and I was stopping the people to give themselves away as slaves to a lying system that only used them, while conning the people that they loved them and adored them.

Also a last dream about the big heads.
There was one other dream I had when I wasn't the big head floating around myself, but just little old earthly me. I found myself in some huge library or university building. It was enormous and very futuristic. I heard someone speaking to me and saw a giant head floating to the left of me. Infront of me a huge screen was shown and loads and loads of facts were shown to me. It was facts about this universe and how it was created, how long ago and by what process. I was downloaded enormous amounts of facts and I sat there and watched this huge screen, that just seemed to hang in the air, showing me all these things. I was shown how long it would had taken for this creation to have been made by chance, like so many scientists think. That all came about from things just happening randomly. It was a bigger number then fitted on the screen and the number grew so long in years that it vanished out to the left of the screen. It was like the big head found it amusing showing the ridiculous thought that this was how it was done to me. 

When I woke up it took only a second and all the memories of all the knowledge that had been downloaded into me where gone. All but that ridiculous huge number that was so big that I didn't really see how big it was. It was trillions of years for the slightest little one celled creature to have been created by chance, and trillions of trillions of more years for a bigger one. No, all is created perfectly and exactly from the start, but like all programs and creations they tend to grow as the creator comes up with more fun items to put into his work. That is why it doesn't happen by chance as there is great minds behind everything done and we are all part of the creation, creating it together. Cause remember this - we are also the big heads and we are also part of the Source/Creator. That is why the true god loves us, cause we are all made out of love, like all true pieces of art should be. 
I say this not cause I want to be obscure and odd, but cause I find no better words to describe something that is not of this world. The creative force comes into this world as it's being made, but it comes from Source. It's not a place in this Universe and I don't really know the physics of all this. It's all beyond my head and I didn't understand any of this, as soon as I found myself being downloaded into this physical body. I only remember thinking before that happened as if it was totally obvious and clear as a day how all was and is. But then I forgot. So I am not taking you for a ride, trying to show off, or whatever nonsense deluded people filled with hate and anger has projected at me for speaking my truth, of the little I remember from pre-birth and what I have seen during my dream travels. And some are things I have concluded on the way to try and piece the tiny pieces together of all that I have forgotten. I might have gotten some wrong, but I'm sure that I am not evil and of the devil, hateful and judgemental. I would say that those who say such things should look into the mirror and find the one they are talking about.

I will also talk now a little bit more about the behavior that will ensue when you have let a spirit into you who crave worship and obedience. One of the first clear signs is that the creature wants you to believe things, to trust what you don't know. The next thing is that it will want you to shun those who are opposing these believes, not listening to them, not taking in any other angles (angels). That means that the spirit don't want you to take in any other spirits, for instance those wanting you to not worship and be a dumb goose? This will result in the possessed person starting to change the words and meaning of the words spoken by the one not sharing the same "belief". That is done for the purpose of playing abused and a victim of evil intent. By changing what is said to something else then was actually said or intended by what was said, the religious zealot can cast curses and abuse on the one he spoke to. From then on you see how it proceeds? The self righteous zealot is now spouting "demon", "satan", "devil" onto the other, who have never killed anyone, never tried to kill anyone, never tried to hurt anyone, except in self defense. Which it is to speak your truth, and truth might hurt.
That said about the possessed people and they are plenty on this planet today. Many have gone over to be not only believers but straight out satanists in their rigid and hateful ways. They have no understanding of what evil is, and believe that killing children is a good thing, done in the name of the god. They say that the children are seeds of Satan, so it's fine. They say that they are defending themselves by killing and murdering. They have a totally twisted way of what self defense is. Speak your mind, tell others how you see things, but don't make up stuff about others. It's alright to speak your truth, that is not evil, but in this world many want to shut others up. They call others knowledge wrong and evil and must be forbidden. That is truly a return to the Dark Ages, as we forbid people to find their own way in life. That is what true satanism is, not the popular kind where they have mixed in Luciferianism to make it prettier. Or to dirty up Luciferianism, I don't really know why they use all these terms in such a random way. You can't even use "satanism" on childkillers anymore as a bunch of "cool" people have decided that satanism is cuddly and cute and needs to be respected. 

I doubt that mainstream satanism going on in America even is satanism, as I've heard it's just a sham to con people into believing satanism is just cool and dark and nothing evil at all. Actually Satan ate his children, he's a pedophile and he's the archetype of the traitor, the backstabber, the coward, the thief in the night, the liar, the spineless shit head that don't give a crap about anyone else but himself. The archetype of a typical psychopath. That is what true satanism is for real, but now that word is hijacked by kitty-cuddling lovies so we hardly can use it any more. I don't know what word to use then as I'm sure if I use the old Asir name Loki there is some other kitty-cuddling group using that name, but are nothing of what I described above. So lets agree that words are impossible to use in this plane of delusions, and lets agree that the way I used them here meant what I said they meant, and not what somebody else wants them to mean. Cause that is the bottom line of love and goodness, that we try and understand what others truly mean, and don't put meaning into their words that wasn't their intention. 
To put meanings into others words that was not the speakers intention with the words, that is and will always be a part of the evil mind that is now ruling this world into oblivion. That is the twisters, the deceivers game to baffle and confuse us all into believing what is not true. This will continue until all the creation is made undone unless us originals, the key bearers, can make a dent on their plan, and create a wonderful place for all loving, caring humans to live together with all other lifeforms on Earth.

Luna IngRuna - Kärlekens Cirkel

torsdag 14 augusti 2014

Goddess Dreams

After spending time updating the gifts on all my different sites I decided to write on my blogs about them all. If I get to finish that thought - who knows. I will however not tell you that much about the site I am presenting as there is not much to tell. My sites are more a visual experience then one to make understandable in words. One thing I have noticed with my sites is that people have absolutely no problem with my green category. I have never had any complaints about them as they are all about our ordinary lives here on earth. The only negative I've ever heard about my blue sites, which are the fantasy sites, is that I on the group name have put together two words the person considered didn't belong together. Eventually that person turned out to be a really nasty person, as she'd joined that group and tried to start fights and thinking herself entitled. I've read opinions from a man that there is something very wrong with women wanting to call themselves "angels", but I can not really argue with him on that, though he was generalizing a bit too much. Many are the narcissistic women whom like to be likened to an "angel". I made a kind of joke about that, thinking about this man's opinion on the issue, and put a song on one of those sites with the title "I'm no angel". 

But these sites however - my red ones - have I had really horrible attacks on from very nasty people. All women actually. One woman, who got this site from my dear brother, could hardly write and admitted she'd never bothered to go to school. Not even home schooled, mind you. She got very much in victim mood when I tried to reply to her insults, where she said I was stupid more or less, and that my site was of the devil, as I had to tell her that it was hard to understand what she wrote due to all her wrong spellings. Her argument was that I was insulting her due to her inability to spell as she had dropped out of school very early, like that's an excuse. You learn how to spell by reading books and she did know how to read. The page she looked at was this one - Goddess Dreams - and it is mostly in swedish, but I've put in effort in later years to translate alot. The web-browsers do have translaters now, but they suck. Her main argument was that anything to do with the goddess was evil and hence was I promoting evil as she decided that I worshiped the goddess on my sites. I tried to explain that the goddess was me and that it was just for fun. She was totally hateful, as all that was just evil too. Oh well, you can't put love and care into all human beings - some just need to hate and project their own dark souls unto others.

I don't remember anyone really hating this specific page, but there's been a few nasty comments on a couple of other ones. I think even some male had opinions, but all those comments came long time ago when people actually wrote in my guestbooks. This year all my guestbooks got deleted and nobody can write in them anymore. I will keep the messages like they are and perhaps update them with my own messages, as I think I can do that. I have downloaded the guestbooks, which was nice of the owners to offer for free. But most comments I got were very nice, even on my goddess sites. Most people seem to be very kind and like to like others. Those who feel they need to put down and belittle others I've come to realize are not that many. Perhaps as few as 10% or less. In my own family it's more like 50% however, as it's like a virus and once it's caught onto a family line it might infect alot of it's members. That is my conclusion after investigating into this pathology for many years now. It's an infection and most who has it will not mind it, so they will not try to cure themselves from it. 

This is not the same as getting mad as hell over injustice and evil doings in this world. These people actually are very forgiving for such crimes and very unforgiving when it comes to being human and having little quirks and faults. Like talking too much, being shy, liking beautiful art - or other horried crimes. When they hear about mass-murder, child sacrifices and such things they mostly ignore it. Either cause it's too uncomfortable to think about, or cause they actually don't care. I am leaning to the latter as I've heard those judgmental once say things like it's good they bombed a country, where thousands of thousands were slaughtered. And if it's not a total waste of space human being I have then asked them if they are happy for all the children with smashed sculls, loose legs and their guts hanging out? By the look of the judgmental, warmongering person you can tell that they actually never realized the consequences of war. This person I'm thinking about is my own mother. She's been hanging the last years with her youngest daughter, who's been training a military group called "Nordic Battle Group". My sister claims this group is about bringing "peace" to the world. Really? So why are they called "battle" then? 

Before, during all the years married to my father, mother used to promote peace. She was very much in love with JFK and dreamt that Obama was a new JFK. I warned her that she was hypnotized by him and that he was just a front, a phony, and if he'd ever tried to be a new JFK for real, he would for sure be a new JFK - that is shot in the head. She thought I was a loony bin. She always thinks I'm a loony bin and a few years later, or in some cases a few minutes later, she will inform me of the very thing I have told her - and been treated like a loony for - and she will be acting like it's all her idea and that I am the loony not understanding this. Like I say - despite the fact that she got it from me to start with! That is how deep her recentment for me goes. She could never ever admit that I am a wise old woman, who before was a wise young woman. She however can admit that I was a wise baby. She actually believes I was born as a guru, and then degenerated into a drooling fool. Go figure. But what I really wanted to say was that she's spent so much time now with the warmongerers, that are my sister and her husband, so she's changed at the core of her previous believes.

Back at Operation Lead in Gaza mother and my sister's husband had a big row, as mother was against baby murder at that time. At that time her favorite son also was against child murder and bombings of innocent people. I think that was the last time I noticed he felt this way. Later on he's promoting bombing of Libya, Syria and god knows what places. He's focusing all his hate towards Venezuela and are paranoid about Russia. Many consider him influenced by mind control, as he's lived many years in the states and he's very easy to mind control. If you are easy to mind control you will notice it by how easy you are to hypnotize. That is the best clue. He's so easy to hypnotize he could easily do it on himself. I don't know how he ment he did that, but all I can do which is close to hypnotize is to focus on a memory and try to see what else I can pick out when in that moment. It might work and it might not. I do not - however - feel like I'm out, or hypnotized. I only feel focused. Anyways mothers changed started after her favorite son's change, and I think his change started during the Obama election. Not at once, but slowly. He was totally into Obama, but I think that he then figured out he was too lame, too nice to Venezuela. His hatred for that nation comes from the family he married into. He hates Cuba too. 

He's married into latin elite, and they kill those poor people wanting justice. There is so much killing and hate going on there that he's changed totally. He's so angry, so nasty, lying without shame that it's obvious he's influenced by this family. The end justifies the means, kind of people. To live with themselves people like that abandon real care, I've been told. They have to or their guilt for all the murders and pillage will burden them down. At the start my brother would be upset over the unfairness and the murdering, but after awhile there was so much violence from all sides he picked a side and went with that. There is only two sides really  - to kill or not to kill. Those who are killing are all the same and the victims of their killings in many cases are not killers. They just got in the way. It's the same with those folks living in Palestine. They were just born there, and they got in the way. So back then mother was upset cause the israelies were slaughtering innocent people, who only wanted freedom and to live in peace, and she had a row with her son-in-law who thought it very good to murder little babies as that was an honorable thing to do for a soldier. 

Being a soldier himself, and once living in Israel, he totally agreed with Operation Lead. Hence the big fight. It was after that fight I got some complaints from my sister about mother, but she made it out as if mother lacked all forms of empathy. She was however right about mother lacking good social skills, like charming people and conning them to trust her, like my sister and her husband have both loads of. The thing that has hurt me the most with mother my whole life is this very thing, that I have never hold her bad social skills against her, have time and time again let her stupid overreactions pass without judgment, and even her behavior to my children I made excuses for. I honestly thought she was good, deep down, as I had a dream when a child that she was half evil and half good. But that mother rather supports this evil childmurderer supporting bastard and his fake and judgmental wife, then me. And that is what is the deepest hurt. It took me months to reconciliate the fact that my own mother rather spent time with pro-childmurderers then with her by a miracle still alive daughter - me. A daughter she should be blessing the goddess every day still is with us. Or thank god, if she rather prefers that. Or atleast show me some appreciation. But she has not. 

Honestly I think that is a part of her poor social skills and her total lack of self-reliance. She's mesmerised by the ones who look so very self-confident and she generally behaves like those who follow the bullies around, as if some of that strength would rub off on them. Her son-in-law called her an energy thief after their row and demanded that his wife contacted me and made me take over the responsibility for mother. Whenever she's been here my husband never ever argued with her or been impolite to her. She's known him for 25+ years. This other one she's known for little more then 10 years by now and still she sides with him and frame my husband for making threats towards me, and she tells this false tale to all sorts of relatives. She's gotten the mail where my sisters husband is threatening me, and also the mail from my brother, where he's making accusations at me, making up that I've been threatening my sister, which was not true. My mother has received those horrible lies from all of them, while herself realizing that all I had done was to take an oath, myself, and daring my sister to follow my example. 

Which my sister of course refused, as she could hear what a terrible oath I had taken. The terrible oath, that I had taken, must have been their base for their twisted assumption I was making threats. It was a terrible oath, which my sister never dared to take. Only I did. In my opinion my brothers reaction to my oath and my sisters projections of all her ill will unto me, together with my brother-in-laws very hostile and rude behavior, where he promised him and his wife were to have me arrested due to their false accusations is just like the israelis are doing. They are playing indignation and victims, while hurting others and lying about them. That is the actions of evil-possessed people. Satanists. Mother used to want to become an angel, but so far she's chosen all evil there is before love and care. My greatest sorrow is that I was unable to convert her from her evil part, fully into only her good part. When I heard her salute the killing of all these people in Libya a few years back my heart sank. I wondered if she'd only faked her concerns all this time, or if she truly was that dark in her soul.

In the mails that my sister wrote to me on her husbands request, back in January 2009, she said that her and her husband thought mother had no empathy for other people in horrible situations. At the time I got those mails I didn't know about the row mother had had with them, where they had been pro-Israel and mother pro the freedom fighters. She'd compared them to herself, when she had joined the Swedish women defence forces back in the times when WWII had ravaged Europe. Their mission had been to hinder the enemy whatever it took, if they arrived to our soil and took over the land. That was what the palestinans did, fair and square, she reasoned, and I totally agreed with her and was so proud she knew right from wrong. But then all changed after her favorite son turned sides and no longer cares for what is right and what is wrong anymore. He sent me a mail after my oath-video and wrote that I am lost if I think in the terms true or false, which is the same as right or wrong in my language, so I am only trying to use new words here. He used the same.

Mother had promised her favorite daughter to be a witness and claim she knew what was in the written agreement between my sister and our father. She admitted weeks later that she never had read it - ever. But when I was informed of this I felt I should no longer speak with her at the moment, as she'd now openly chosen to help my sister by lying about the content of the agreement. As I had read the agreement in September 2012, when my sister had me to read it very carefully, I knew mother would lie saying what my sister said she would say. My sister said that either I should listen to mothers testimony about the content, or I should believe her, and that she'd never shown the agreement to me. At that time the oldest brother had already said he remember the event, when I was reading that agreement, and he agreed that it was just like I said. Still my sister refused to admit to it and our other brother was bullying me severely for sticking to the truth. He was modifying our conversations and making ridiculous mails he sent off to mother, making it out like it was him and our sister who was trying to follow this agreement, and us two (who actually had read any of it) who was not. What we demanded was to be able to read it again - and then we'd see what it said. Nothing more.

The sister just lied and lied and the oldest brother got a mail from his brother, where he threatened him with stupid things that did not make sense, if he didn't make me take back my claim of reading this agreement. His threat was something we'd all agreed on was a very good solution, so why use it as some kind of "threat". It was ridiculous. He said that if we didn't stop demanding to see this agreement our sister might want to sell her share of the property. We'd already all agreed on that we wanted her to do that, so why was that a problem? Our brother was really behaving odd. In my view it's these odd behaviors that show you that the person is out of his mind. There is something not right there. Mothers reply to my oath was also weird. She was talking nonsens about  witness psychology, projecting that this was what all the threats were about - a discussion on psychology. They were trying to make me scared, mother! How could you not see that? They were so nasty and unfair and hostile I almost peed my pants. I never even dare to see any of them, that is how scared I am of my sister, her husband and my closest brother. I am lethally scared of them. Only very dangerous people make threats like they did there. People who want to harm your very soul. I had only taken an oath and I had explained very carefully what kind of oath that was.

Mother said nothing about any threats in my oath, which was well and fine. Atleast she hadn't bought that lie - that I was a threat to these nasty con men and women. But she refused to see that I must be the one telling the truth, as both me and her oldest son said the same thing and were both there with our kid sister. Mother knows, deep down inside, which one of us is the honest one, the caring and nurturing one. She even wrote that in her letter to me, even if she made it out as that would be my death. But she also had added lots of my sisters projections in that letter. It was totally obvious to me, when mother implied that I was envious of others, more capable women. That was so 100% taken from my sisters wet dreams. She's the envious one of us, the ambitious one, the one who needs lots of admiration and will hate a guy just for not adoring her, but seeing through her phony facade. I too see through her, but whatever she was still my sister and I still loved her - despite of all her nastiness. I only didn't like to be with her anymore, and specially not when she was married to a douchebag. 

Her first husband was so nasty to me and after a short while this one too started to insult me and hurt my feelings. I never really tried to fight back, but it's hard to not say anything when being insulted on purpose, so perhaps I tried to a little bit. But now I see that it was not the guys, it was all my sisters doings. She's the one envious of me, and that is why I always feel bad when with her. Like it's a contest and I am failing so much as I am not doing good enough, just being me. I don't care about looking perfect and such things normally, but with her it feels like I should feel ashamed how horrible I look. That is the only feeling she really gives me - shame. It's not envy, it's feeling like not good enough for her. When I am with non-envious people I never feel like that. I feel it often with people I would call narcissists, specially women like that, but also men. When I look back on everyone making me feel ashamed and ugly it's always a person with distinct narcissistic traits. They always tries to flirt with my husband, and they always gets furious if their spouse seems the slightest positive towards me.

That is if it's a woman. Men like that tend to insult you in front of their women, to make her see how ugly and unattractive you are. That is why such men makes me uncomfortable as I already feel old and worn out without further putdowns. Funny enough a narcissist I know, who lives close by, who's behaved in this very way with me, she prefers my sister before me any day. She even asks about her, but she does so blatantly not like me at all. Why do you think? I think cause her husband let it slip at the beginning, a tiny bit, that he found me pretty. After that she was all over my husband doing stuff you should not try to do to another woman's husband. Different sets of rules, being cheeky and then play the innocent card. However she's not a malignant narcissist and I don't dislike her that much. I've never badmouthed her to others either. What I've heard about them though is that they are badmouthing everyone they'd befriended, after they grew tired of them. Which never takes long. That is very typical narcissists - short and intense friendships that then evaporates. I'm more a loner and those I befriend I love for life.

Maybe you have noticed that I have hardly spoken about the content of this site I am promoting here. It's cause there is not much to say really. The theme is both asian and native american, which might feel confusing until you realize it's not. They are connected by blood. There is also many pages about the different faces of the goddess, as we all have sides in us that we either choose to use or to neglect. In a split personality every each one of these traits might come out like a different person, very much like all these goddesses I show. It was great fun doing those sites and the first one about Afrodite I did many years earlier then the rest. It was the original goddess page. The most fun part of doing all these goddesses was how I re-made the original graphic into different hair colours and dress colours. Sometimes she's blond, then a red head, a brunette, black haired, almost grey and so on. As I am born on a friday, the day of Frey and Freya, I most feel connected to Afrodite, who's like Freya goddess of love. And like Venus, who's number is said to be 6, and I was born in the sixth month. Friday is of course the real sixth day, as the week should start at the beginning - the Sunday.

But what is more interesting is the time I was born and my name. It was father who gave me my name. The goddess of love in Sumer was called Inanna and her number was 15. I was born 15:15. My name is very similar to the Ing-rune, which is the rune of love, the rune of Freya. Inanna was famous for stealing the knowledge from the creator god Enki. My name actually means "the one who knows Enkis secret", which of course was Inanna. If you go back in time you will see the spelling of my name is the same as Enkirun. Now it's Ingerun, but it's a later change done hundreds and hundreds years back in the early viking era. Many say the vikings originated from a people coming here back in 1500 BC, which is about when Sumer civilization had totally vanished. They say that the reason the nordics survived the Black Death better then anyone else was cause it was the same kind of plague that had ravished Sumer at the time of it's end. And the nordics had the same DNA as the missing elit families that had been vanquished from Sumer as punishment for the plague.

My father once wrote a book about Sumer and his great mystery was why that civilization vanished. That is another connection as it was him who insisted on me having that name. Mother wanted me to be called Birgitta, so that's my second name. I do think she liked my name as she adores her niece Inger so much. I am nothing like Inger, by the way. A big disapointment. Inger is the godmother of my sister, however, and Inger never has liked me at all, but she did seem to realize at her mothers funeral that I was ok. I absolutely loved her mother, though she was very timid and silent, but she had a big heart filled with rightful anger, as her family was mistreating her in her childhood so severely. Want an angry child? Beat the crap out or him or her now and then and never give them any form of redemption. Also, shame them so they never can speak about the hurts publicly, so the anger will fester deep within and come out as borderline rants, and everyone will think you are a loony. How many do you think would be just fine if they'd had a loving childhood without abuse? 

I'm at the end here and I've forgot to mention my graphics here. Seven of them are made after tutorials and then there are a few I have made myself, using some pretty graphics. The first, third and sixth are made after my own head. The second gift was not totally done correctly from the tutorial, but I liked this version too and kept it. The others are pretty much as they were suggested by the tuts except the scrapping, that one I redid with different material, but still following the tut. I find this site very rejuvenating and strong. It's dark but not in a sad way, but in a good way - like the night sky. The entrance is of course very dreamy and as with all my sites there are poems here and there. These red sites are more to do with inner strength and the love of our hearts then anything else. It's like the power of nature itself woven into them. One could say that they are pagan, but not by any premeditated intent or of some kind of propaganda purpose, but cause that is how I myself perceive things. I've never belonged to any cult, nore have I studied any to try and imitate them. These images and symbols just spoke to me and they had a purpose why I put what I put where I put it, which is for me to know only.
IngRuna - Love Circle