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söndag 22 februari 2015

Goddess Circle

This is a blog about my forth website of my so called red sites. I mentioned in my previous blogs about my sites that I've had some very negative comments on some of them and this one is definitely one of the most hated. The comments are still in the guestbook, which doesn't work anymore so don't try to sign it. It's not been many comments, but this site seemed to be mostly hated by feminists who think women should be ashamed over themselves and not be shown in art as the nature made them, but covered up and using no make up or in any other way trying to look good. I don't know about women feeling that way about other women, but I find it extremely offensive and judgmental. And I'm not very much for looking that luring myself, so I don't even take those comments personal, but I find it offensive towards those women who want to look good and do look good. I feel it's wonderful that some women are that beautiful and are not ashamed to show it. I feel that those women who feel a need to put other women down for being what they like are very sad human beings, and not very much happy with themselves, most likely. So this is my very much magical site - Goddess Circle. It's a site about witches and the natural power all witches possess. It's not men that's been the greatest enemies to the witches, but other women hating them for the abilities they have within.

Women who hate other women and try to devalue them and put them down with sinister lies and smear is something of the worst betrayal and what I've seen my whole life again and again. The absolute worst with these women is their cunning ability to frame their target, the victim of their hate campaign, for their own doings. And they don't only target women they meet casually, but they target their own kin, even their daughters and their sisters. The envy they feel for any woman with greater gifts are endless. These women are clearly pathological and if you never been targeted by one you most likely are totally unaware of what ends they'll go to only to ruin the other person's life and character. They might do it to gain more popularity or even wealth, but the deep rooted reason is this envy. I doubt these envious women are the prettiest or the most attractive, but the contrary. They are often well dressed, however, almost too well dressed. They'll put endless effort into looking smart and representative, while actually being deeply envious of the more natural beauties, who flaunt their beauty right and left with ease, while getting the attention from the most handsome of the men.
If you know what I mean, you know the look they'll give you cause that hunk you two just passed ignored them and said "hi" to you only. It is greener then green, I tell you. If that had happened the other way around, you'd not even noticed, as to you it would be great if guys fancied her. But to her it's a personal insult, a hurt you owe her for the rest of your life. A grudge to carry and a vengeance to be had. These kind of women can hold grudges for decades until they totally have built up to the final strike and when they do, they are out for your total destruction. But meanwhile they will have smeared you to anyone close to them, and many you know. You used to be a happy person with loads of friends, but then you find out that people give you snide remarks and put downs, which erodes away on your self esteem. If you have more then one of these women in your life you will perhaps have several of them working together in painting you in a slightly twisted way, getting most of your surrounding behave disrespectful towards you. The small things needed to make this happen is amazing. Small hints and playing the victim card, when nothing could be further from the truth, is tricks women like this like to use to put down their target. They might ask you to help them talk to others, while it's all a set up to make the other one buy something she's been claiming about you.

All this so far is just general descriptions and of course could I bring up some examples from real life, but I will instead focus on the endgame the closest women in my life played on me. My whole life I was in the most subtle, covert ways put down by my own mother and I therefore never felt accepted or loved by her. I know that this is the same feeling all of my siblings also had about her, even her two favorite children have both confessed to me that this is how they saw our mother - loveless. In my young little mind I always felt it was cause she didn't love herself in a healthy way, and that she was very immature as a person. I used to comfort her as a toddler, she'd told me, while she selfishly fended for her own needs, leaving me to fend for myself or with some teen to do so. I don't know why she was that way, but my guess is that her mother was not very loving, but more like an attention seeking narcissist, while her father had severe post traumatic stress for years during the war, as he'd already lost all his friends in the last war and it was a very traumatic time for him to have to go through. That stress made him violent and they had to send away the oldest girl when she was only eleven and four years later my mother had to go away to the same place, when only thirteen.
So I've figured out that she grew up in a family with loads of drama and very little safety. Knowing my grandma I can imagine she was always the center of attention and often very annoyed with all her children's needs. Children have needs and narcissists normally find that very annoying. How my mother behaves fits perfectly something called covert narcissism, and narcissists often turn their own children into narcissists of some kind. There are several different kinds of narcissism, but in reality not one is the other exactly like, though they tend to use the same tricks to get ahead. Narcissists normally treats their children very differently, dividing them into good and bad ones. They often like the children resembling themselves the best and put down those looking more like their spouses. Mother is no exception from that habit and maybe her mother acted in the same way. The older son and older daughter looked like her husband, so we both were bad, while the younger son and daughter looked like mother or her kind, so she idolized them. However they have both complained to me she treated them very badly, which was very weird for me to hear, but so they've both claimed at different occasions. Actually, they both use those claims to delegitimize any memory of mistreatment I have brought up, present or past. Whatever case brought up, it's said it was bad for all of us and we all need to move on and leave the past in the past.

That is words that sounds great on a shallow surface, but if you investigate them you realize it's only them, and none others, that are allowed to wallow in the past. Whenever a bad offspring brings anything up, it's shut off immediately and belittled as of non importance. Well, it's for them of course, as many times they took part on the bad side of the memory as the little helpers of mothers taunting or unfair punishment. But it goes far beyond that, as behind all this there are so much framing and guilt shifting and smear going on that I have not even begun to scratch the surface on. Like I said, women like my mother will choose to help their look-a-likes out, while putting down and even sabotage the lives of the children looking like their husbands. It might be done a lot and often, or it might be ever so slightly and only occasionally. My mother had a double nature, so she could be a demon or an angel, but most times she was just not there. I don't really like to talk about my mother as I brooded enough about her as a child and teen, and I honestly am not that interested in her anymore.
At the end, before I went no contact, I had gotten seriously tired of her mean ways and non caring attitude. The last call she sounded so thrilled and in such a wonderful mood, it would had been great unless it was for the reason of the call. When thinking about the issue, her jolliness becomes crazy and sick. She should not have sounded as pleased and excited, if she'd really cared, but she did. The longer the time I am no contact the more realizations like this I get. She actually sounded very happy, but the issue we were talking about was my son, who'd been severely injured with a broken bone in his face and nobody knew how bad it was really. She did sound very interested, which I then interpreted that she might actually care, but she also sounded very pleased with herself, like she was in a good place, and I don't think I would feel that way if my grandson had been injured like that. I would sound wobbly and distraught. She's a very different kind of person from me indeed and the greatest mistake I've done in my life was to believe she was anything like me. She's much more like my younger sister, her look-a-like. They are not only looking alike on the surface, but they are just the same on a moral level. They are different in their temperament, which is why stupid people believe I am like my mother, but that is only the temper, not our real personalities.

Temperament is another shallow attribute, like eye colour or length. People tend to think that the tall children look like our father and the two shorter children like mother, but that is only an illusion, just like the temperaments. We have photos showing that we look more like father then the other two, still I have never heard anyone but mother seeing this and always remarking on it in a very negative way. She clearly feel deep contempt for us for looking like her ex-husband. So of course she hooked up with those being like her both on the outside and the inside, and mother do know this, while others might miss it. She let everyone believe that they were taking after their father, as everyone loved father. Alot of people don't like mother at all, as she can be such a weird crazy bitch. But somehow she manages to frame two of her children for all her darlings mistakes, which they made cause they are like her - weird crazy, that is. And just like she always had a grudge towards me for being born, and then being such a pretty little thing, and fathers little doll, she punished me through different methods. It's typical narcissism to be jealous of your own child, you see. One punishment was to have father spank me on my bare butt now and then, when I was a little girl, and for reasons unknown to me. My guess is she lied to him to make him do it. My guess is she's lied about me my whole life.
Another one who's been lying about me for ages is my younger sister, who I had to take care of from she was newborn till she was in her teens. She was mother's little clone ever after I moved away from home. Actually mother also moved away shortly afterwards, and was only home during the weekends. I have no idea why she hates me so much, but I can guess. Envy. While I got really upset if anyone treated my sister badly, she started to join in bullying me from she was in her early teens. That was one of many eye opener to me at that time, that she was not wired like me when coming to loyalty and love. There had been a few through her upbringing, making me very sad and worried about her. She did not seem to feel like I did at all. She was so blank like nobody was home and the only real emotion I saw was in her teens when she showed envy. Now I know she also felt alot of rage, which she never told me about as a child. I don't know why she felt that way or why she wouldn't talk to me about it, but she seemed to be angry at me, not her mother who more or less let me take responsibility for her child. My guess is that my sister actually thinks it was my duty to take care of her, while being a child myself, which it was not. I did a good job playing with her and her friends, but it was not a duty I was obliged to do. It was done out of love, and she should be grateful and happy for all that time and love I gave her, instead of resenting me for not being a perfect "mother".

I'm telling all this as lately my mother and my sister have showed their true intention to me and my children in a very clear manor. Of course they both claim I am doing what they are doing, treating them like they are treating me. That is what narcissists do - project their own vile actions and intentions unto some innocent target they have been tormenting and smearing for years. It's a fact they have been lying about me to others as I have caught them in enough lies through the years. I've told a few on my blogs already many times, and I'm sure I've forgotten so many more little lies by them. Most times you don't have any proof the person lying is knowing they are lying, and you might think they only got their memories mixed up, but some times it's in your face they know they are framing you for their own nasty stuff, and those are the times you will remember, as it hurt so bad. I do hope none of these people find this blog, as if they read that it hurt, they'd most likely will find the greatest joy in knowing that. Cause like I said, women like this hold on to their envy and deep grudges for a very long time, if not for life, and they will only seem like they have gotten over things, while they have not. They might look happy, cause they think their target is in pain and that brings them joy, but deep down they are sticking to their plans, as long as it takes, to once and for all destroy their target. 
I've been telling the story of what happened many times now. That is, the story how they made a pact to make my sister get a house from fathers estate, contradicting the agreement she had with him. Mother had also snared her favorite son in this scheme, and helped him to make father build a house to him too. Not as fancy and not on such a beautiful spot as our sister's, but atleast something to bribe him with so he'd stay loyal behind his baby sister's scheme. I don't know all the ins and outs of all of this, but I know that my brother has much on his conscience, where he's been helped to avoid blame for his own actions, by having his brother or me framed instead, so alot of family and friends think badly about us, while we are innocent. That is the kind of burden our brother has to carry, if he has a conscience. Otherwise I guess it's easy for him, knowing the pain he must cause us by letting mother and others help him frame those who are innocent for his own doings. So he's corrupt since early childhood and to tell you the truth, neither me or his older brother would like to be in his shoes. We rather have a clean conscience, then a clean reputation. These women and their men might have tarnished our character and good names, but they have not touched our pure spirits and honest souls. That power they have not.

After one and a half year of knowing about their scam and how they intended to fuck us up both me and my brother felt that we truly wanted to give our brother the chance to understand he'd been conned by wicked women and were fooling himself doing really dumb things. I mean, both me and the oldest had no intention of not giving him his little house, as we honestly thought he'd paid for the material father built his house with. We thought it was the right thing to do, until our brother disrespected us and tried to shame us using tricks and lies. I know he understood that our sister had shown me her deal with father, shortly after his death. I know he totally understood that I was telling the truth and that the oldest brother had seen this happening, but still he pretended that he didn't know. He even wrote a mail to his brother asking him to stop me from talking about the deal I had read, so he knew. But to me he pretended that he didn't believe me, and that he thought I was a liar. He just ignored his brother's observations and was very rude to both of us. So we decided he had forfeited all our good will and we got legal help with settling fathers estate, as there was no way of speaking to people holding on to lies like that. Our sister was totally busted in the scam she had tried to pull on me, using me as a scapegoat everyone was supposed to hate and ignore, as our brother saw the framing, when it happened.
We totally broke off all contact with our family of origin for a very long time, and during that time the lies our brother wrote to the court was just as insane as those he and mother wrote to my husband. It was like they actually believed their own lies, like they had lied to much they fooled themselves. That's why we went no contact as these people only accept one reality - their own creation. It has nothing to do with what really happened, and all to do with them looking good, and we bad. I have received a few feedbacks where our siblings are totally ripping us apart on Facebook and mother were smearing us to alot of relatives. But since we kept away we have no idea how bad it is, or how much people actually buy of their lies. My guess is people buy alot, as I know they have been smearing me my whole life, and I definitely know they have smeared my oldest brother and his family too so much it's insane. I know that as I've heard the smear and it's so cunning and devious that alot of naive people will believe it. It will make the listener feel sick, but it will also make them direct this sick feeling towards us, who's the target and not the culprit of the smear. After all this time my oldest brother tried to contact our closest sibling in July, trying to make him "wake up" from the lull he's in. He's very exploitive, focused on his needs, very childish, selfish, but we've always loved him to pieces and helped him alot. It takes time to truly be emotionally able to see how deep he has sunk into the narcissistic hole he's dug for himself.

We just can't believe he does not know by now that we are telling the truth and our "sociopathic" acting sister is lying. She's the socially accepted liar, who fools everyone to trust her. She's so nice and caring and wonderful. Yeah, right. Then her total personality changes and out come Mr Hyde. She's scared me since she was four and I still feel traumatized with the whole kitty incident. I've seen comments that it's "normal" for children to kill little kitties. No, it's not. That is one item on the list for psychopathy. Yesterday my oldest brother phoned. One thing he told me was that our mother rang and told him my godmother, our fathers older sister, has changed her will. My brother felt like she was trying to get a reaction from him so he gave her none and she was not allowed to elaborate on that. A year ago I made a "prediction" about my sister and her husband that now when father is dead they will move on to his sister, who has no family of her own, and try and  make her delete some from her will and add more to them, if not all. They are very charming and know how to act like "angels" to elderly people. Showering them with attention, while smearing everyone who really actually cares for the person. Text book stuff. Unfortunately my brother would not ask mother to elaborate as I truly want to know if my prediction was true. I love to get affirmation whenever I get it right, you see.
He also mentioned that his wife had found new smearing of us on Facebook by our brother. Same stuff our siblings where lying about this summer, where they both claimed I was smearing them. You know, the normal projection stuff. So all this just clicks into place "what" kind of people they just must be. What both me and my oldest brother so long have tried to ignore and hope not to be true. They surely KNOW I have not smeared them, lied about them, to anyone in our family or on internet. So all is projections of what they are doing. They are telling us what they do, that is all. Every lie they are telling others about US, is what they do. I so wish people would get back to me and tell me what they've heard, as then I know MORE what they do. You know - turn it around and see the truth. I'm getting to that point now that I really rather look straight into the eye of the monster and face what shit they are. Their true selves. And you can only do that by facing what they are doing behind your back. Before all that has been way too much painful. My brother said that too, that this is too painful. Both him and I try to focus on other things, and we've done that all our lives, rather then really look closely what these people are doing who are supposed to be our loving family. I think we need to face the music. Look at reality, and stop avoiding the issue. We had not stayed in their life so long if we'd done this before.

We've been kind of avoidant, being on low contact, but that they have totally turned against us. We've been smeared due to not being able to stand the pain. It's like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. My brother is still in touch with mother, but I am totally sure that the only way to lessen the pain is to get away from her. She's harmed him so much so why does he believe he's obliged to talk to her? She's only using him to get to me, and I'm sure she thought we'd get upset over the will thing, but we both understood last year our sister was after our aunts left overs. We had read up on narcissists and that's what they do. It's in their nature! I write all this as it's wonderful to share with others and I LOVE reading others experiences, though alot of it is very painful to read. In my case I embraced physical pain before the mental pain as a child. I had a nanny that used to slap me in the face and I loved her for it. She had EMOTIONS and reacted to things I've done and said for real. I take that any day before being mentally punished for things totally out of my control. The "none care", being invisible and then suddenly the object of ridicule and hurtful comments, blamed for things I've not done and punished for unknown reasons. I know now all that is "gaslighting" stuff, and it drives you crazy, you live in constant "angst". It's mostly invisible, not something you can brag about, and to most outsiders all is perfect. Only your own close friends know.
It's easy to learn to ignore the feeling, as you learn that it's all in your head. But then something wrong happens, and you get so upset, get panic attacks or huge anxiety, but there is nowhere to run. It doesn't matter that you move away as long as you let that craziness into your life again. Whatever happened hadn't afterwards happen in their crazy land. You know it did - you SAW it happen, but YOU are the crazy one for remembering what really occurred, and how it occurred. They re-write history, and it's eroding your very self. So I totally believe you need to run away and never look back on such lunybins. It's like any bullying and mind fucking, with people who have no care for your true well being, who only care for their OWN self image. You must give them the middle finger and never look back. You are NOT their trash bin. I think that is vital as otherwise they'll corrupt your mind again and again, until nothing is left of YOU. Get away and take time to find yourself and treasure who you are. I like those words and they feel very true to me. Listen to what makes you feel more energy, more joy, as I'm sure we already know what we ought to do, but we've been taught to not listen to ourselves. I read a few therapists who get it too and tell that. It's positive, but not a tyranny or naive. It's very helpful and makes me all fuzzy and warm inside.

It helps me see that I do count, that I do have the right to be left alone and only stay with people who show me care, that I don't have to force myself to do things that fill me with panic. When in peace I can start to DARE to look the monster in the eye, see what they really are doing. Before, I hide under the bed, too scared to look. But now I am not scared of my mother, like I was as a small child. I'm not scared of her, but very disappointed as she refused to become a feeling human being in this life. She hold on to material values and devalued the most precious spirits she came in contact with. She had everything turned upside down in her head, and she failed me and lied to me to make me do things I didn't want to do. But I don't fear her, I pity her, since she's a pathetic and weak soul. I do however fear my two evil siblings, as they are so ruthless and hateful. I know they have lied about me so much, and for no other reason then to cause me pain and suffering. My brother has lied about me most perhaps, as I believe he has not done such a thing. I think my belief is wrong, and that he's been the most vile liar about me longer then I want to know. I truly think now that he hates my guts, despite of all my silly "belief" that he truly loves me back. I know I must be wrong in my emotional believes, as you should judge a person by their actions.
Now have I come to the end and my rant about envy and wicked people, mostly wicked women. Such people that used to burn us witches in old days, and who still try to ruin our lives today. And the one that I have to understand is the most wicked of all of these people, and who I least want to ever see again, is my sister. She has not only said vile things about me, smeared me and my children, but she's been trying most of her life to hurt me while I was doing the opposite for her. She was not my responsibility and she should love me and care for me, if she was a normal person, instead of planing nasty schemes to make me look bad, like a liar and a thief, to make everyone hate me. She's the one claiming to everyone I am running a hate campaign against her, while she's the one starting one huge one these last years. But she's lied about me long before that, and I've heard her lie to her husband about me, with no care that I heard her lies. She's so fresh and cheeky telling a lie straight infront of me to him. I bet she's been spinning all sorts of lies since 2005, when she got all green of envy cause he seemed to like to talk to me. Always the envy behind all these wicked women's revenges, remember that. Women who can't stand the true, honest, beautiful women who stand in love and care for their fellow human beings, in natural magic. 

The gifts I have shown you in this blog are some from tutorials and some are made by myself with nice graphics. It's easier to tell which ones are totally done after a tutorial, then which one I made myself as some are using frames by others or are done a little differently from the original tutorial. But the last five are totally done after tutorials, while the top ones are not. The second and sixth are variations of a tutorial, the third uses a frame from a tutorial, and the rest are more of less my creations. If you go to the page you will find information on tarot cards, runes, the moon and the wind and loads of stuff about witches and their ways. If you hate witches and think they are of the devil I should recommend you to look into the mirror to see the evil one. One should never hate someone for what one believes about them, but for what they truly are putting out in the word by their actions. So what is the reason to hate someone for knowing? Cause that is what a witch is, someone who knows. How she acts upon her knowing might be another thing, so you can not judge her cause she is, but what she does. Or you are the evil one who put judgement upon the innocent. Just like the liars and thieves do. Those who like to project their own ill will upon others. I only will send it back to them, three fold in strength with a thank you card, but no thanks, evil witches of the southwest.


IngRuna - Love Circle
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