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lördag 17 januari 2015

The Purpose Of Ruining Your Reputation

There is a perfectly logical reason behind a malignant persons attempt to ruin an honest and ethical persons reputation. Atleast if you look from the perspective of a malignant persons interests. They are interested in ruining what they see in others that is better then them, so if you have moral and ethical thinking, are emotional and empathetic, they will like to destroy that as they don't have those qualities themselves. They envy you and they want to steal those qualities from you, so they will set up a trap where they make it out as you are the deceiver, the liar, the thief, so they can ruin your reputation and steal your qualities by acting like the good, honest person that has now been victimized by this horrible person - you - who is the truly good person. That is the purpose why they do this, as they can't achieve this by themselves, as they don't have any morals, any ethical compass or any compassion for others needs and wants.

They can however see others that have these beautiful qualities and they will realize that they can never get them, just like you cannot wish you had artistic talent or musicality and other born with abilities. These malignant people were not born with moral or empathy, so they know they cannot have it - ever. Not for real. But what they can do is to con others into believing they do, so they will fake and pretend as much as they possibly can to make others think they do. And the best trick ever is to again and again set others up as scapegoats to take the blame and then steal their honour from them. People doing these kind of robberies are very interested in outer images, and not the kind that goes around and mindless hurt and abuse people. These people will act like the most consciencious and kindhearted of all and will most likely behaved like this from early years, when in public spot light. 
It's all about performance to such a person, but despite of all their efforts the inner truth will always be that they lack true kindness and honesty deep down. No matter what loving and caring upbringing they've received they will never feel content. Siblings will be baffled over how this loved and so very spoiled now adult child can proclaim never to have been loved. It's cause they were in the most cases most loved of all and they never were told "no" or hold accountable for any mischief they accomplished when growing up. It is baffling cause they were never punished, never told off and still they will tell stories of unknown abuse. It's like some unreal twilight show when you hear such a person tell how coldhearted they were treated by the parents, how they got smacked around and neglected. I've read afew such odd comments over mail these last years as father and mother got older and older. What the purpose is of such weird proclaimations one might wonder, and I do have a theory in progress on it.

It's again the same thing actually as the purpose of ruining a good and loving persons reputation, by stealing it from them. By stealing the abused childrens pain, neglect, punishments, and remaking them to theirs, they are now either more to pity or atleast on equal level as them. I've read quite alot on this issue these last 2 years to now know that sociopaths mimic you to gain your empathy and trust. So by acting like they felt unloved by the parents in their upbringing they can bring you closer to them, as they know fully well that in many cases you were treated very poorly. They know that as they caused alot of the pain you had to suffer, as their mischief and nastiness was framed or atleast blamed on you. Sometimes framing is not even needed, as it often is enough you were around to make you responsible, as you should had stopped the nasty child, and since you didn't manage to do that - not for lack of trying - you are to blame, according to the unloving parent. In my case it was always the mother and also her mother who got to this conclusion. 
The fact that granny on so many occasions agreed made it so much worse, but now looking at old photos it's obvious granny only loved my baby sister and had no love to spare for me. I was loving my granny to pieces and the thought about loosing her was more then I could bare. But it was stupid and childish of me, as in my grannies eyes I was not of any importance and only a nuisance. Of course I was, as mother didn't have high opinions about me she'd shared them with her mother. That is how this works. I didn't look like grannies children. I looked like the children in my fathers family, so of course granny didn't love me like she loved my sister, who's a spitting image of some of grannies own offspring. That is how it works among such people. They love themselves so much they only care for children that look like them. If I was that way I'd not cared for any of my own, as they all take after their father mostly.

So the purpose of posing as an abused child is to bond with you over your old hurts and pain. To make you pity the sociopathic sibling over imaginary hurt they've been through. That's why nothing adds up that they talk about. Like in my case I've been told that mother used to smack my sister around, like she did it regulary. I've never seen anything like it ever, nore have I ever heard my sister speak about such events. Never ever. I've never seen her upset, crying or feeling badly treated in this way she wrote about and she only wrote it once, when she wanted me to take care of mother for her. It was her husband who's been nagging her to get rid of his mother-in-law, whom he severely dislikes, and my sister wrote these very nice mails to me, acting like my best friend. I hardly heard from her in ages and after I sent her off a mail asking about a thing mother wanted me to send to my sister she changed the topic over from my question to how to handle mother. That was how I was told about this abuse going on in her childhood, that I knew nothing about.
You might think that it's no big deal not me knowing such a thing, and that her never telling me anything about this before or after does not mean she lied to me. But the thing is that I lived at home till she was 13 and I was very close to her all this time, from she was a tiny new born. I loved the little baby to pieced and there was nothing I wouldn't do for her. She was so cute and wonderful and I wanted her to have the world. If I'd heard anything about mother smacking her I'd been the first to stand up for her and put mother straight. I was not afraid of mother and never have been. I just am not. Mother may lie and insult and twist and gaslight, but in the end she is quite stupid and simple minded. She is not half as devious and cruel as her greater then God golden boy. But not even him was I afraid off, and never has been. He was annoying, cruel, lying, manipulating, but all those things I was used to. There was a time when my sister was very small, when I was not so cocky, but that must have been like when she was 3-5, but at that time I was very close to her, so no chance.

Not even when she got older did I really drift away from her in a way that could make me miss such abuse. When she was 6-8 I was all over her, and that went on till she was atleast about 9-11. About that time I got my first boyfriend and that could cause me to be less attentive to what was going on in her life. But she was not a little girl at that time as she was already as tall as me when she was 11 and when she was 10 she was in mother's hight. So the thought of mother punching her baby girl around just seems too ridiculous to be real to me. As a matter of fact I think she got her memories mixed up, as she knew I'd told stuff about my childhood and somehow I think she thought mother had smacked me around, which she hardly ever did. I honestly only can remember one time I got a proper smack in my face, and no other. I did get plenty of smacks from my favorite nanny and to be honest that didn't bother me at all, as it was honest emotions.
Mother rather teased and ignored then smacked, and her words were crueler then the nannies smacks. Still I never felt scared of her, but more anxious and not trusting, when she was in certain ways. Most times I did trust my mother and I never thought about her actions as weird, though in hindsight I can see that a few were. Luckily children are very resilient and we don't hang on to stuff after we grow up and leave home. So the memory gets blurred, but I still have a hard time to believe that my memory of being responsible of my sisters actions was untrue, and that mother instead smacked my sister rather then telling me off. I'd rather believe that mother would had asked me to take care of my sister, if she was annoying her, like my sister wrote in that mail she had to make mother smack her. It certainly sounded in the mail like mother smacked her more then once, which is even more peculiar. When did this smacking occure or was it all a ruse to make me bond with her?

I think the latter and that my sister got it wrong. It was not mother that smacked me in anger for me annoying her, but she'd be cruel in words only. The smacking was mostly done by that nanny, and she only stayed a year and I never told that story like a pity story, but a funny story as I used to upset her on purpose to make her angry. I don't know why I did it, but I was in the terrible fives so maybe it was my way of making sure she truly loved me. But then she left me and I never saw her again, so thinking about it she mustn't have. Or she'd been back. I was not much for self pity when I was in preschool years so I didn't think like that. I was sure she'd be back one day. Today I feel sorry for the little girl, as she was let down by another adult, but that's another story. Daycare people and nannies are not the ones the children should bond with, but children without real mothers tend to do that. Which is very sad.
The mirroring of your own experiences is well known to be a method used by sociopaths to make you more susceptible to their manipulations as you then tend to identify with them. The identification makes you empathize with them and when you do that you naturally wish to help them out. Hence the mirroring. But alot of times when they try to mirror they use old information that they might get abit twisted and in my opinion my sister got it all wrong there. She might actually have a memory of the only smack I remember ever getting from mother, as she was the cause of it. She had not obeyed me and that caused her to fall down the stairs and I got smacked in the face for wanting to go to my cousins room and look at her dolls. I was eleven years old and of some reason I could not go there without dragging my sister along, and as the room was upstairs she would had followed if I left her downstairs, and the grown ups could not look after her. I didn't want to bring her along, but I was forced to by mother, and when I was looking at the dolls my sister had a change of heart, disobeyed and went back to the stairs.

And that is the only time mother, according to my memory, ever smacked me. But like I've said before smacking was not what bothered me, but her unfairness. This was also true at this occasion as I'd told her I wanted to go upstairs and was not allowed to as my sister followed me, so I had to bring her with me and of course I promised to look after her, as I really wanted to go and look at the dollies. I was for crying out loud eleven years old and loved dollies. I was not a big, tall girl into boys, like some hormone girls might be. I was a very tiny little eleven year old, who only cared for dolls. So maybe this is the memory my sister based her story on, or it might be some vague memory about the nanny. I will never know. But I do know that it's too weird to be true, the story she put forth in that mail. I've got other mails too from her where she totally tries to bond with me and the oldest brother when she talks about our unloving upbringing. The thing is that I totally took that as a personal insult, when I read it the first time, the second time and every time.
Not only cause I loved her so very much and spent 13 years of her life proving it to her every day. But cause I saw how much father loved her and even mother had a big soft spot for her. I also watched granny treat her with such love and sweetness I've never been granted myself. She was protected against all blame by our golden brother, who'd took upon himself to assure that anything she did was in fact my fault, as none could be such a sweet angel's. He's the same way today, that the only one allowed to tell her anything critical is him. If I breath a word of dislike towards her he's there fighting me till my death. It's quite irritating as it's too much betrayal over such behavior. It has nothing to do with if I'm right, but all to do with me not being good enough or something. I hate it and will never ever stand for such shitty treatment that person has given me, ever again. I'm most disappointed with him of all as there is no reason other then selfishness when he treats me horribly.

I didn't think I could be so appalled by anyone as I've been with my golden brother these last years. He's been behaving appalling many times, and I've felt so very confused many times over his meanness. I didn't know why he treated me so very cruel time and time again. Now I do know as I've read up on narcissism and how such people treat others. Every time I've shortly after he's been hurtful brushed it off and moved on, as I'm not someone who linger over small matters. But then it finally dawned on me a couple of years ago that he cares shit for me. And I then remembered that he never ever said he was sorry for any of the cruel things he's done to me. Not once has he regretted anything. And that is just not normal. Instead he behaves like he's done nothing and that all is ok. Mother does the same act and it's typical for narcissists to do that. They love to play the forgive and forget game. 
If you want to bring up why you are mad at them, and wish to talk about the enormous hurt they've caused you they play stupid, not understanding what you are on about and tell you that you are mistaken. Like as if you could be mistaken you've been severely hurt by them. It's all in your head, darling, as nothing has happened. That is actually gaslighting, to make another think the cruel ill deeds never occured. Brother used to tell me, whenever I wanted to clear the air, that I was not allowed to bring up anything old as that was in the past. That is another game they wish to play, which we can call the forget about the past game. Of course it's only the other person who's not allowed to talk about old traumas and insults, that mimic the present, as the narcissist always is allowed to bring up anything, if suited. Mother likes to pretend she does not know anything about what she's done earlier on, like she was not there or something.

This forget the past routine is why people tend to believe such persons are insane, as only insane people could actually forget such horrible rows ending in so very hurtful words. I don't like rowing but when I grew up there were plenty of it as the gaslighting and teasing was ever present. It all started when I was very small when mother used to be very cruel to my oldest brother. As I remember it she used his younger brother already then to make matters worse. By comparing one child to another and playing them out against each other a narcissistic mother can in one event both bully one child into feeling worthless and at the same time drag one child into the game as an accomplice. By doing that she's actually harming both children, and the one she uses as an accomplice is the one that develops into another narcissist. That's the rule and not the exception. I do believe it's cause the child already is suffering from lack of moral she's able to do it.
That's what all of this boil down to - the lack of good ethical foundations. To be seen as a bad person is never good if you wish to be respected so therefore the need to steal some of that, if you don't have it. The narcissist often become very good at that game. There are many kinds of narcissists and some are cleaver to portrait a good wholesome persona out front. They look like good honest people, that are kind, charming and generous. To a superficial person they might seem like wonderful people and that's why alot of them rather have shallow friendships, or changes friends often, then keep closer ones around. If they do have old and close friends they are most likely very much under the narcissists spell, so they cannot really see anything wrong with their less then moral behavior. They are used to it and think it's only them being them.

But to establish and keep an outer image of perfection is harder, as everyone isn't that generous. It's at these occasions they need to steal from others, and put these other people down as the scum bags. This is done by setting traps and make sure the victim falls into one or two. The more the better, but it might take a few traps until the prey is caught. Once you are snared they go about to destroy you as the trap is made in such a way that you have no clue really until they close it, that it was a trap. Up until then you might think all is fine. But afterwards you realize they've been spinning stories for years, or months, weeks. It all depends on the trap how long they've been preparing by telling these stories. The stories is told to make the spectators see what the sociopath wish them to see. So when the trap closes there is this story already in everyone's head and whatever really is going on doesn't matter as the illusion is all that matters then.
For instance, they might have been told that you are envious and out to get the sociopath, and that you've been complaining on them or nagging or whatever the story is. Then when you open your mouth when you see something weird your questions are not seen as normal curiosity, but as annoying nagging and harassing. The trick might be even more complicated then that or less. It's not hard to make others think you are up to bad stuff, when a sociopath has been bad mouthing you for years and years. Not if the sociopaths mother and brother both been doing the same shit towards you for even longer. Then people already believe they know you are a bad, rotten apple, and it does not matter it's all a con. It's at that moment, when they think they've made everyone hate you and not believe you, and you feel alone and hated by everyone, it's then they feel like they've stolen your inner essence from you, the true diamond they don't possess themselves. And that is why they do it.

They do this to you cause they hate that you got what they don't. A kind and loving soul that does know right from wrong, who cares for each and everyone and could not possibly do the horrible things your own family does to you. Not to them and not even to your worst enemy, as it's so devious and deceptive. While they seem to enjoy the thrill of having secrets, you are tormented by secrets. You want to tell everyone harmed by their lies what really happened, but alot of it is old wounds and you have no proof. That is terrible distressful, knowing the truth and knowing their lies have caused harm to people that up till this day trust them and believe in them. You know they really shouldn't, but you know you won't be believed if you now, so long after some of the things happened, would finally tell them the truth. That is the reason they hate you - cause you know their lies and you remind them of what they never can be. Ever.

IngRuna - Love Circle

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