Goddess Star

This is my third website of my red ones. It's about creativity and art, graphics and also about the stars of the seven sisters, but most of all of our planet of love and creation. That is the planet or the star of the goddess, the five pointed star of female energy. On this site I've put up quite alot of graphics, but not overly much compared to my other sites, which was the purpose when I made this site. But somehow all my sites are like this one, as they are all manifestations of my creativity with my graphics on them, so truly this is only the site celebrating this fact more then the one solely representing this. You can visit this site by going here - Goddess Star - and then click your way into this realm to watch more of the site. This is also a salutation to the feminine force here in our cosmos, to the true women who manifest love and care and who create. As we are living in a patriarchal society all qualities originating from the female energy is considered worthless or atleast of less worth then all the ones of male origin. I'm not saying this cause I'm a feminist, as that is a manufactured entity to cause fraction between males and females on this planet. All human beings manifest both male and feminine abilities, some more of one or another.

But the fact is that the bullying and crushing of other people are totally due to male energy, the action and attack mode that wish to force itself upon others. Many are the women living after this and are bullies. This is the warrior who are fighting for what they believe in also. That is the more positive aspect of this energy, but the negative side is this very cruel bullying aspect that is set to destroy their enemies. That is why I believe the destroyers of the feminine spirit, the ones originating from the creative source, are of this patriarchal soul group. They are easily infected by the virus that tells them that they are the rightful rulers of this world and that they can and should kill anyone in their way. They will not listen and not care for anything then their own limited self interest. Like I've said this is not due to you being born man or woman, but if you are a bully or not a bully. If you choose to manifest the male energy you need to have a huge consciousness, being very careful to understand before you go out and kill your enemies. Or you'll just kill your opposition, which more then likely will be those who are in the right, for real, as if you are acting in total self interest you will most likely never have cared for other's interests.

I'm not the best to explain this concept, but I will still try to as it's very vital. We have been living in a patriarchal society for like 6 000 years atleast, but this might change as long time ago we lived in a matriarchal society where totally different ideals were saluted then today. Either way it's always been a very material world, I'm sure, as we live in the material realm. I can only say that the ideal that being a bully is a very dangerous ideal, but one being promoted heavily these last decades, if not longer. The media is promoting bullying as some kind of joyous joke where hurting other people is natural and devious behavior is cute. When considering a typical male archetype I'd imagine a viking king, who is cruel and believes death is more glorious then living. But when thinking about the female archetype I see this beautiful lively being, who manifests new and wonderful realities for ever and always. It's the healer and life giver that value the birth of new children and creation of all that is fair on this earth. Life consists of both aspects as death is part of life, so the archetype that realize that some things are worth dying for is not wrong. It's the negative aspect of that archetype who's wrong, as it wish to sacrifice others to get ahead. That is the warmongers of today, who never themselves risk their lives while killing millions of innocent people, women, children and family fathers and grandparents, whom only wished to live in peace and work in their lives.

There is of course also a negative aspect of this feminine archetype that is indeed promoted today. That is the aspect of the whore, the seductive slot who only relish in physical pleasure and who don't truly care for deeper emotions. It's like a big love for everything, that gets so deluded that nothing of the love is still in the mix. There is the aspect of self love too, that makes it impossible to actually love another. That is the essence of narcissism, which is why I believe the typical female narcissism is in many ways a combination of this negative female aspect and the negative male one, which is the bully type. So a female bully is both very seductive and a bully who's extremely cruel. She's a little of both, as if she's only been a slot she'd not be a bully, which would be a far less crime. Being a slot only hurts herself, but being a bully will hurt others. It's always worse to hurt others then to hurt oneself, as that is your free choice to do. It's not your right to hurt others, that is a violation. Still I don't like that people go around and hurt themselves. That is just sad. Of course there a alot of females who are only bullies, nothing charming and sexy about them at all. They are only cold, cruel and evil to others, and people most likely don't like them. A few will fear these women and they will treat them like cowards treat men who act in the same way. It's very masculine, and in a negative way. Again, there are both good and bad when it comes to these energies.

In the end it's always each individual's own journey and those choosing to piss on others faces to get ahead has made the choice to do so through free will. The soul is weighed upon these facts, if you are able to hurt others through scams and deceit or if you are an honest and open person who tells the truth like it is. In my life I've been mostly attacked by female bullies, but also alot by male ones. They are not attacking me of the same reason exactly, but the overriding reason is the same. Envy. The male bully don't like women who are unattainable and makes them feel unworthy as such a woman is totally out of range for such a man. So he'll resort to bully her and try and destroy what is good and beautiful with her. He'll not care to bully a woman out of the blue, who's of no threat to his fragile self image, only one who is. Even an ugly woman could be bullied if she's smarter and more successful then the guy, so not even ugly women are spared. It's all about outshining the negatively manifested masculine energy. A man with such energy might also have the narcissistic self adoring energy, making him very seductive and charming. Using that such a man can con the woman he's chosen to torment, to fall in love with him, after which he can totally wreak her life in thousand little pieces, just out of spite.

Like I've said this is true the other way around too. A woman like this can do the same to a kind and loving man, using him until he's just an empty shell. This is the same kind of women who bully other women, to make the good men only have eyes for this nasty liar. She will lie about the good women, and project all her own nastiness upon her victim. She will portrait herself as the pure and innocent saint and the other woman, the chosen target of her smear campaign, as the liar and smearer. More or less turning the table of the actual truth of things. This is typical for female bullies, that they very early on start to lie about their target, long before the other woman has a clue. Of course this is also true when their target is a man, like a boyfriend or a husband. Even if you are the best of men, they will tell everyone you are a handful. They will make out that you never help out or do far less then you truly do. In their stories their men are abusers that are treating them horribly, while they at the same time are living for free, letting their guy do all the housework, taking care of the children, home and all material things. All the while as this kind of woman is complaining and living her life like she had no responsibility at all.

So whatever the target this kind of malignant woman will more or less behave the same. They will project their own malice on their target. Like I said I've been targeted by such women a few times in my life. It all started with my mother rejecting me the day I was born. She would not admit of doing so, but it's obvious it started that day as I was born with a birth defect. Women with negative female energy hate anything defect as it's not perfect. That is the reason such women tend to be the type that put down any of their animals that are diagnosed with the slightest sickness, without giving them any chances to get cured. That is just an aspect of this affliction. They want perfection and a baby born with defects are not perfect so they will reject the child. Eventually, if others tell them the child is perfect, they might rethink, but never totally. The first impression that the child is defect will always lure under the surface. So I was born with a defect and then mother let the hospital inject me with the TBC vaccine, in spite of her being immune of that and it being very dangerous to vaccinate a new born like that if she was. She never has admitted to being immune of TBC to me, but told others whom told me, and she never admitted that it was the TBS vaccine that caused my severe reaction when I was new born.

All this put together is very peculiar as a normal reaction by a mother would be to be angry at the hospital for injecting her baby like that, without asking her if she was immune. For some reason she never wanted to talk about this subject and only brushed it off, when I brought up my huge aching scar, like some unknown shot I got when new born. Then she changed the subject. It was father who told me about the enormous boil of puss that I had where my thigh mets my butt. It was very painful my whole childhood, and very big. Father showed me very vividly how big the boil was as he clutched his fist and said it was as big as that. Imagine a boil big as a grown man's fist on a new born. The image is sickening. So why did my mother lie about the reason behind this? She must had lied to her husband too, as he neither had any answer to why I got this thing. All he knew was how it looked. And I could sense he was very happy I had overcome it and survived. Mothers reaction has always been dual, like part of her wished I'd died and part of her was happy I'd survived. She's never changed in this dual message reactions to anything in my life. It's always been like half of her totally hates me and the other part wishes me well. So my childhood dream of her being both a good person and a very evil person fits very well.

One thing that confirms this dream of mine is her own revelation of believing she had a demon stalking her. That was back in the days she felt very uneasy and would change rapidly in her mood. She was not collected one bit and she was agitated over everything her ex-husband for many years was up to. She just could not loose her grip and let him be happy in whatever way he choosed, but had to meddle and control things. I think that was the reason she felt so unstable at that time, but who knows. The only thing I know is that she was complaining over this demon stalking her and after that she's changed her outlook and now she does not need us to visit her or whatever she was on about before. If the demon won she would most likely not care for grandchildren and old family bonds that much anymore, but rather live a shallow lustful life, like the negative female energy - the demonic one - would prefer. The slot energy that rather run around meeting men, then go visit a granddaughter. The benefits of letting such an energy win is that you will no more second guess anything you do, and you will finally have given up the struggle. It's cause you let the demon win your soul. So you will feel the calm and believe you finally have reach your true self.

But what you really have done is to choose the easy road, the lazy choice. You don't have to care for others anymore, only yourself. When others feel hurt due to your careless attitude you can just brush them off as over sensitive and over reacting. You don't have to care what their real emotions are, as that would be hard work. Instead you can do like mother did when she was pulled into the con of my sister, you can write an insulting mail to the innocent one and make out you know all about the issue. That is lazy. Then you can continue to smear the innocent person, the one set up by the con artist, to help defame and harm me. Just like the bully, my sister, wanted her to do. If she'd been still searching for a deeper connection mother would not had been so easy to control, but as soon as a person believes she's in a real self, and let this negative energy get control over you, it's very easy to make you help out in bullying. Mother had helped out alot when she was younger to bully me, so it's not a new thing. She's been fighting this demon a very long time and she's been very mean to me many times. This time she was totally sure I was the liar and could not one second phantom that the person she knows is a liar and deceiver was the one lying this time also.

Mother has no memory ever of me being a deceiver or a liar and still her first choice is to project these qualities unto me, just cause the bully got a couple of assistant bullies to all project this unto me. Mother knows that this liar had lied about her very own 75th birthday party, which mother had organized. She knows that this liar told us it was not mother doing it, but her who'd done the organizing. And mother knows that the liar had kept it a secret that she was going to move away, so shortly after mother moved to the same community this liar lived in, she suddenly moved away. Mother has told me, though it took her three years to admit, that the liar had kept this move a secret to mother until it occured. So mother knows she's a liar. She knows that the liar changed her first name without telling anyone before she did it. She knows she took a name that was special to me, and that I wanted to use for my own daughter. That was very devious, as if I'd not miscarriaged I might had gotten a girl named like that. So she'd immediately changed her name shortly after I married and she turned 18. The legal age at which she could do this name swop. The thing is that mother knows that my sister took the name in a very deceptive way, as she herself immediately blamed me to be the cause of her actions, as I'd been so open about my love of that name. 

There is many more events mother knows about, going back further or not as far in time. I don't even remember them all and most would take too long to explain. What is nasty and devious depends on so many factors that it takes alot of explaining to make an outsider get the issue. I will therefore just conclude that there is no way mother does not know that I'm the honest and trustworthy of us two, as she even told me this the same month this charade started, where my sister had her trap slam into my face. Mother straight out admitted that I was the one of her four children that was the most responsible of all. The one who you could count on. So how do that add up with me being that lying, conniving bitch she then helped my sister, my second brother and my brother-in-law to spread out among our family and friends? What in the world was she thinking? According to me she was not. She was not thinking one bit, only reacting to the input she received from the hive-mind of the negative energy of destruction. While the positive energy of both male and female energy will make you think individually and therefore act in an individual way, the negative energy will instead resist any thought forms that are like that, as that is of source. The negative wishes to destroy anything out of source, and it wishes us to give up our individual thoughts and go with the group.

All bullying is originating from a wish to kill peoples belief in themselves and in their own abilities to understand. To give up and let someone else decide what is best and what is true. When a person is controlled by a bully no amount of evidence will make that person change their view. They will never understand the evidence and they will not comprehend the significance of said evidence. It's like they are buffoons, lunatics. But since they feel comfortable that they are supported by the masses, or some authority, that claims they are in the right, they will not even dream they are as crazy as they truly are. Mother used to work and loved then how she never had to take responsibility for anything, as the place she worked at had her ass covered. Well, it turned out in the end that there was a limit to that too. But she loved the lack of responsibility. So she knows I'm responsible, and she loves the idea of not having to be responsible for her own actions, which leads me to think that she might actually dislike me for not taking on the guilt of her favorite children, when they are lying yet again. In my point of view she does not care an iota that they've lied to set me up as a nasty trouble maker, but all she cares about is that I let them treat me like shit. She refuses to see any wrongs on their part for trying to force this onto me.

Going back to my birth she might very well need to believe for ever that there is something fundamentally wrong with me, so her action at that time is forgiven. I was a sick puppet after all that needed to be put down! All people telling her how perfect I was, they were all wrong after all. Whenever someone did give me a nice complement mother's normal reaction was to attribute the compliment to herself. I remember when a relative of hers told me how beautiful I was, and mother immediately told this person that it was all down to her and her own beauty. Her very humorous uncle, who'd heard the whole thing, then made a funny remark so I totally heard him, but mother apparently didn't, or she could not understand it's purpose. He said something about fat old hags and something more that was so very funny, as mother was at that time becoming quite fat and she never has been very beautiful. I was at that time 20 years old and indeed very beautiful and slim. It was obvious to everyone, but mother could not let me have that without trying to take it away from me. Liking me to her, was in my eyes nothing I'd wanted to be as I never liked her at all after how vile and unpredictable she always been. And she has never been pretty in any way, shape or form, according to me.

Envy is one of the major reasons women bully other women. If you are beautiful you are more likely to treat other women nice, then if you are ugly. The ugly women are more likely to scorn other women and put them down and they are also more inclined to run to beauty parlors to enhance the slim attributes they do possess. Naturally pretty women might wear their hair naturally and they might not even put on make up or use any fancy cloths. The most pretty women I've seen have been such women and if they do improve their looks they've become stunning very easily. Ugly women might get their hair pretty and they might look good in a pretty dress, but in the end there is just so much you can do when you have a face that is ugly. Many pretty women don't have perfect faces, but there is a limit how bad a face can look before we find the face ugly. I don't mind ugly people, as long as they are kindhearted and don't mistreat people due to their good looks. Many people think bullies are bullying ugly people, or fat people, but the truth is that most bullies are ugly, and also fat, people who bully those they envy. Even many men who bully ugly women are not handsome at all. It's almost always men, or rather immature boys, who bully women and they prefer to attack ugly women. Thanks to that these ugly women start to resent pretty women and badmouth them. Or that is my theory, at least.

I think we should accept and appreciate both those of us who are naturally beautiful, and those of us who need some fixing up to become so, or those who no amount of fixing up can make pretty. The main thing is not how pretty a person is on the outside, but the kindness in their heart. The most foul and evil persons I've met have been pretty as angels, as they just were pure sadists. Sadists don't envy, they only rejoice in others pain, so there is no help to change them. When it comes to my sister I believe she's envious and that all her nasty behavior originates from two sources - her severe lack of empathy for others and her envy of everyone having what she perceives she has not. If she only had my amount of empathy she could had lived with her envy and understood that even the most pretty person has issues. It's something I realized after I became pretty after my teens as an ugly. I realized that being pretty is not fun at all, as it's much like being rich. When you are rich you never know who truly like you and who is only after your money. When you are pretty you never know if it's just cause people want to look good themselves they wish to date you.

So there is these different underlying forces in our world that we in either positive and creative ways manifests or in negative and destructive ways let out to ruin the peace and happiness. The female archetype is the one that in her positive manifestation will create life and abundance, care and health to everyone. The masculine one will when positive act and make sure that what the feminine has created are protected and maintained. These two forces work actually best in unison together. Their negative counterparts are what either is narcissistic and shallow, in it's feminine form, and wish to over shine others, be famous, heard and seen. It's very jealous and filled with envy when it sees others that they perceive as better and more successful. The envy is what will cause the damage and the lies to ruin the lives of their targets. In it's masculine negative form it will be raging and hating and trying to kill and murder what they cannot themselves accept, as their energy will try to force others to conform under their rule of law. These characters demand surrender by anyone that do not follow their agenda, which ever that might be. As long as you play along with such people you might not notice this rage, but if your life plans changes and you need to move in another direction, you will feel their contempt.

What is the major difference between this positive and this negative outlook on life, is the attitude to truth. The positive people, living to create love and care for everyone, will hold truth as the most high. There is nothing as appalling to such people as a deliberate lie. Everyone can make mistakes, but to falsely claim something about another in the attempt to cause them harm, is one of the most vile actions, if not the vilest as it's directed at the soul. The negative people on the other hand cannot see how lies can be of any greater importance. Everyone lies, they will claim, not ever differentiating between a mistake due to a lousy memory, or a deliberate lie to cause another person harm. They cannot see that bringing harm to another person is of any concern, as long as that person is not themselves. It's incredible to see how these kind of people can totally negate the hurt others are suffering, while in a blink of a second rage over absolutely nothing, when they believe they are under attack. Having an opposing opinion to such people are enough for them to label you a bully and many more insulting names. They they will go on defaming you to the world, while claiming you are doing it to them. All cause you wont budge to their will.

Alot of this blog has been about bullies and the difference between using your male and female sides in either a good or bad way. It's cause this is very close to my heart and very much what the energy of the love goddess is all about. Like I said she can be a terrible slot and selfish drama queen if she rules without empathy and heart, but when she is healthy and rules like the caring and lifegiver she's ment to the goddess is truly good to all of us. Let us however not look upon her as a person, or an entity, but more like I've said, an archetype. Something we all can apply to ourselves. There are really only two major archetypes, which we can use in two ways, but there are almost infinite ways these different possibilities may play out in our reality. It's due to the complexity of existence, but in the end it's either or, the rest is just what makes it interesting to watch. I do hope that more would realize the stupidity to act like a spoiled brat, self centered and cruelly fake, and instead embrace the positive female qualities. There is this belief that unselfishness is very negative, but that is only cause of the bad people taking advantage of such actions. Without the energy thieves and vampires you can be as unselfish and kind you want, as others would instead give back equally. That is how it is without the liars and con artists, which is not yet in our world. So now it's very dangerous to live like it's such a beautiful and kind world, without setting boundaries and protection from scumbags.

Here I've shown you several gifts from my site. The first, third, forth, ninth and the last are all creations by myself totally. Then there are the ones I made from tutorials and did as it said, which are the second, eighth and the tenth gift. The rest I used a tutorial, but changed it so it suited my own needs instead. So different graphics, but following the tutorial in all other ways. Those gifts I did that way are the fifth, sixth and seventh one. It's a very blue theme on this site and also on many of its gifts, in spite of this site being among my red sites. I know that is confusing and I assure you I'm just as confused as anyone, but as this site is about creativity, and Venus being the goddess of that, it just had to be this way. I just like the blue colour on creative matters and that I think is cause this realm is a creation and seen from outside it's blue. I could not imagine any other colour to use when portraying this realm. The realm I'm thinking about is this universe as I think that was what I saw just before I was swapped into the blue tunnel and downloaded into this body, shortly before I was born. I've written alot about that before so I need not go into it again. Hope you will enjoy this site.

IngRuna - Love Circle

Goddess Fate

Now I will present the second website of my red sites. I started this one as I once adopted a webring called The Zodiac. It started out as that but eventually it grew into what it is today and it's been quite a calm place with not much arguments or bad comments about it. Only trouble there was ended when I deleted the webring, as RingSurf totally ruined that for all of us owning rings there. At that time I of course had to deal with members not following the directives and an ever smaller circle of websites. All this creativity of making own websites seems to have seized when Facebook took over peoples lives. Before that people seemed more in control of their own fates, making own very individual pages on the internet, but after these communities took over they are all pretty much the same. It's all about getting likes and appealing to as many as possible. The guestbooks belonging to all personal websites are also disappearing one after another, so there is never any more guest on any of my sites since March last year. If you like to visit my website, please go here - Goddess Fate - and you can click your way through the entrance to seek deeper insights of the zodiac and our universe.

There is an agenda on this planet to faze out our creativity. The possessed people, heavily infected with the psychopathic virus, hence are dead set on first and foremost destroy truly creative, loving people. You might think it is by chance, but it's not. The virus knows who to attack and that is why there is a vast higher probability a creative and loving soul will be randomly a victim to attempts to either destroy them physically or mentally. Or in any other way or form that there is to destroy a person in this world. You might ask why it's so important to destroy true creativity and the answer is cause all that is of pure source energy and will then be able to destroy the controllers power over our minds. That is why they try to control creativity with contests in creativity, which is totally ridiculous as a judge cannot decide who is creating in the right way, as the judge is only another human being. Another way to do it is to have the masses decide what is right, but the masses are never in front of the crowd, but far behind in the middle. So whatever the crowed vote for will be far from creative. The ones they want gone are the odd personalities, the original souls, that create from their inner power, connected directly to source. They want people who mimic enough to be accepted by the masses, and who are charismatic like vampires and energy thieves always are.

People connected to themselves on the higher plane will be following their true path or fate. Doing that they can cause anything to happen, which is highly dangerous to those wishing to control humanity. The controllers are very few, and it seems like most people we know about as the men and women in power have actually totally given away their souls to these true controllers. They are in no way in power, not even of themselves, but act compulsively, destroying the lives even of their own children and grandchildren when poisoning this planet. These people are what I would call mad. They are out of their minds. But to the majority of humanity they are the most hated or respected or feared people. We as a group consciousness fear those who are totally entrapped as souls with absolutely no power what so ever over their own fate. But on the surface they look rich, powerful and successful. It's all a scam, like an advertise, where you are led to believe that this is the goal and what you should wish for yourself. Just like these ads have no solid foundation in reality, these successful people have nothing you, as a free and truly creative soul, would ever want to have in your life. The rush of power and superiority they are allowed to feel, to be granted the riches and fame they are allowed to have, is the only gratification but at the price of feelings so more powerful and enriching they could most likely not imagine, at the level of consciousness these people now are in. They've been conned. Big time.

This kind of mentality is all around you. Even in many of our families, you will have family members who believe they have special powers you don't possess. By making this deal with the devil, as it's often called, they will have traded their heart and empathy for powers of suggestion and mind fuck abilities over others. When they lie and connive to get better presents then their siblings or harass the parents into giving up and allowing them more rights, they feel superior and more in power then what they perceive their low life siblings have. These family members are truly now infected with this virus, as they will bring harm to their loving and caring siblings, just to get the thrill of having the power to do so. They will start fights with their siblings by setting up traps to them and then act out as the innocent victim of their siblings upset when the truth is revealed. The parents, who have been hypnotized by the deceiving children's power of suggestion, will not even try to understand what kind of malice that is going on and without a second thought punish the upset child. It's the same as punishing a child that just have been punched in the face by a sibling, instead of punishing the abuser. It's still abuse.  

In my own family there was first a son, who had not one manipulating bone in his body. He reacted to what happened to him so his nasty younger brother soon noticed how easy it was to confuse him with lies and then get him into a frustrated rage so the parents would conclude the big brother was the problem, while in reality it was the younger one's evil lies and manipulations that caused all the trouble. It always ended with severe punishment and ridicule directed to the older brother, while the younger one put up an innocent face and enjoyed the pain he'd caused his brother. To live with himself he defamed his older brother to everyone, behind his brothers back, while keeping up the illusion of him being the hero of them two, by holding the older brother close to him. It's the push and pull game narcissists play with us to make us come back for more abuse. They hurt us and then they pull us back with kindness and friendship and make us forget the terrible pain they've caused us. They destroy what we care for the most, and then act like we are over reacting when we get upset. They belittle everything that is important to us and make us feel ashamed for everything that matters to us. By doing all these things they brake our soul and make us forget our true path and fate. That is the true intention behind all of this abuse, as such people work with the virus and are not of the source or have any clue whatsoever what real love is about. This second brother of mine actually once proclaimed there was more then enough love in this world, and it was not lack of love that was the problem. It's cause people like him don't know what love is - at all.

Being the younger sister to these two boys I was the observer who saw what was happening. As I did know I was also targeted and physically punished on mothers orders. She's definitely infected by the virus and the first time I realized that was very early in my life. I saw her in a dream as a person with two souls, one human soul and one evil demonic soul. It was very disturbing as I was very young, needing a mother to trust, and I could never know who of these two she was every day. It gave me deep anxiety that I've had to live with my whole life. A feeling that I can never trust anyone, as I could not even trust my mother. Unfortunately this is an infection that are inherited into a family, mostly due to some mental illness and unfair abuse going on, and every generation are affected in some way or another. It's the abused children that will have most trouble not passing this particular virus along, but also the children given special treatment, while looking on when their siblings are abused will pass this along. Just like our mother believed she was a better child then her two abused siblings, our brother believed he's better then his. Atleast I and the oldest brother know some of what is ill in our family, while he has not a clue. He relish in the idea that he's more entitled and special then us two others. Cause mother told him so.

The interesting fact in this is that the first brother was highly interested in extraterestials, sci fi and many other fascinating subjects. None of these interests were shared by the second brother, who was deeply committed to this earth and the material aspect of it. He was always openly an atheist, and ridiculed every thought about spirituality. In spite of that he was mothers favorite, though she was acting like a devoted christian. Using this religion our parents made particulary the oldest brother feel very guilty for his reactions to the manipulation and teasing by his brother and also the abuse by his parents, as they totally used the "turn your other cheek" idea on him. I don't remember that I ever thought much about that concept, but I'm sure it got ingrained in me too the idea that I was not allowed to be mad at them due to their non regretted actions. Coming back to the oldest brothers interests I was the only one in the family sharing them. To me it was obvious that this brother came from another place, where people did not behave so phony and manipulating as our brother did and where other laws of nature were at hand. I just knew this from early childhood and never felt angry due to him doing stupid things, as he kept changing his behavior when he seemed to understand the effects of them.

One thing he never seemed to notice was that he harmed me on several occasions when he was raging after he's been abused by the teasers in our family. Even though his actions truly hurt me physically I somehow understood his pain and I truly knew, only when a very small child myself, that it was the actions by others causing this to happen to me. I never remember that he got told or punished for lashing out on me in this violent way, like it was ok to harm me. That I'm sure was cause him harming me also, when himself in pain, was an extra bonus to the evil virus wanting to harm both of us. As he never got punished when he harmed me he has now no recollection of his actions. He truly does not remember any of these assaults like they never happened. He can hear me talk about them, but not remember them. To me that is very hurtful, as he tells me that I was so insignificant to him that hurting me is of lesser importance then hurting for instance a cat. He even has told me that, as he remembers when he hurt a cat and that has haunted his consciousness ever since, so to him that was a bigger crime then harming me, as he cannot remember my harm.  

In his mind he's a very nice person and in most instances he is a very nice person. But when he cannot remember harming some people, and actually thinking abusing them is not as bad as hurting other beings, he's in many ways very like our parents. Both our parents have refused to feel any guilt for their behavior of punishing two of their children for things done by two other of their children. Not once have they admitted to doing this, like it's never happened. Also mother has on several occasions changed the true course of reality to remake it into something more beneficial for her self image. This remaking of reality to better suite what you prefer is typical for people damaged by dysfunctional families, where any form of diversion from some kind of acceptable norm is severely punished. So the fact that mother always been so good at this art led me to believe she was damaged as a young and sensitive child, and therefore she was behaving so cruel and devious. But then I more and more feel like she enjoys the pain she has caused her victims, and that she enjoys when she lure them back into her circle of influence. Her favorite idea is that blood is thicker then water, so you are obliged to forgive and forget, whatever she's done or said, without her ever needing to regret anything or ask for forgiveness.

All of that is pathological thinking, most likely cause her family of origin never acknowledge suffering they afflicted on the harmed children in their family. The one most harmed in that family was also my favorite, in spite me knowing she was very unstable emotionally. For good reasons too, if you ask me. What mother has told me about the abuse this poor sister had to go through, no child should have to endure. It was not her fault her father had mental issues due to post traumatic stress, reawaken by the second world war. The poor girl had not caused any of the precious wars, nore did she cause that war. But as the father was denied his right to support his family and helplessly had to watch country after country get devastated, fearing his family would soon be in peril, she got caught in this frustration. Pretty much as I got caught in my oldest brothers frustration. And I can imagine that my mothers father felt like a really good person, wishing peace to the world and helping out to achieve this, and I'm sure he never really could internalize the harm he did to this daughter with all the lashing out on her. She was a child and eleven years old when her mother had to move her to her grandmothers home to keep her safe from her own father.

Guess what? Yes, this girl was very creative, loving and caring. She had always loads of creative projects going, raised a huge family and never focused on becoming a snobby successful bitch, but on her children and all their pets. Her whole life was a salutation to life and beauty, but she was considered the mad one in their family, which I feel is so unfair and hateful it makes me very angry. How can they even say those things when they know how badly their father treated her? They make it out as it was the girls fault, that she was too argumentative, too like their father, or any other reason but the truth, that their father let his PTSD affect his daughters life and take away her family from her. She was the one punished for her fathers mental disorder and then everyone considered her the problem as she'd been punished unfairly. Ever since then she must have felt like a reject, an unwanted child that has been discarded like a piece of junk. This is what cause people to feel self loathing mixed in with rage over the realization our soul does have that it's not fair we feel this way. All this together I'm sure is a breeding ground to created Borderline qualities in a child, and to outsiders a person suffering from this hell is the mad one. I'd say that such a person is stuck between the hell of self hate and "mad as hell and I wont take this anymore". That cause what truly happened and cause their harm was never truly acknowledge, and no regrets and asking for forgiveness was ever made.

The reason I know all this about my dear aunt is cause mother did love her alot, and has told me about her and how terrible she was treated. At the same time my mother, looking on this terrible abuse, learned that she herself was a better person as she was never abused in this way. Somehow she was taught that the first born was to ridicule and harm as much as possible, and she went on to do the very same thing when she became a mother. As she was the second born, and dodged the abuse by acting sweet and innocent all the time, she projected for ever innocence and sweetness unto her second child. It all adds up. Then she got a horrible baby brother who stole her mother away from her, when she was just a toddler. Not that she remembers this event, but her mother apparently has told her that she got really upset at this time. The maid smacked mother in her face, grandma had told her, due to her crying and ever since then mother has not shed a tear. Weird. But the important thing is that the baby brother was also considered a problem child, as his parents decided his future and he would not follow their program. He deflected and got another future then they'd wanted for him. So according to mother he was also in trouble alot, and I don't really remember if he also got a good beating now and then or not. But he was the trouble maker, just like I've been projected to me, in spite of me being the most shy and introvert child ever. But I did tell them the truth, when I saw it.

I was the one understanding the second brothers mind games, and his teasing of his siblings to get reactions he could use as weapons on us to make our parents view us two as bad and him as the saintly one. He did that by calmly claiming things that was not true, and watching us get emotional and upset over his blatant lies. The parents then always choose to believe his lies and consider us who were upset as the problem children. Very cleaver, evil and devious. In a short while he acted like the ruler of us three and used us as his side kicks whenever he needed assistance in some of his very boring and material oriented projects. He didn't have any artistic talents what so ever, but was in spite of that projecting alot of these qualities to the outside. He could not paint and had no musical talents what so ever, but he knew mother loved such things and pretended he did. The older brother never made such pretend and were therefore ridiculed as he was very devoted to his own interests. He loved to find out how things really worked, like he wanted to understand this place he'd landed on. Like I said before I had early an eerily feeling he was not of this earth, but had a spirit that had lived on a totally other kind of place then this.

Not long ago this brother told me of a dream he had long ago that totally confirmed my childhood feeling. He had dreamed about how he entered into this realm and what he told me was just like I'd imagined it as a child, that he'd come from a place with less friction, where a unity consciousness was manifested that gave you more solidness to your life, with less conflicting input. This place is very confusing for such a soul and you are bound to make horrible mistakes, without the guidance of such an all compassing consciousness. More then once he's been told that he's an extraterrestial, not of this earth, by people wanting to ridicule him. Which of course wont work as that is exactly what that dream told him he is. Once he tried to get hypnotized to look for previous lives, but the result was only that he was not allowed to see this. Knowing what I've always felt was true my thought about that is you are not allowed to as it would greatly harm your ability to function in this land of confusion, if you access your last home world and it was so splendid and calm you can never truly connect to this awful place after you've been mentally home. Even for the briefest moment I think it might be very dangerous for our missions here, if we are allowed to see and feel such things.

When I was long time lethally ill, without being diagnosed yet, I had a weird dream too, where I was allowed to come home for a short while. What I saw was very much how you'd picture the Olympus where the Greek Gods resides, but it felt like it was only a picture that I myself had chosen as it is beautiful in my eyes, with white pillars and their gardens. I was met by my family, a couple that didn't look older then me but obviously were my true father and mother. They were beautiful and the woman had long blond hair and she wore a white long dress. Also the man figure had white cloths and was very handsome. Then there was another man there who was younger. He looked like a typical Greek man, the more beautiful kind, with curly dark hair and brown eyes. I felt like I was not myself and was ashamed as I looked so ugly now. My true self would had been more like my blond and beautiful mother who was there. But the younger man calmed me that it was only temporary and that it didn't matter to him. He was half laying on a bed sofa, like you'd imagine they'd have in those ancient places. I came over to him and he wanted me to get really close so I lay down beside him and at that moment I was filled with so much energy it totally drowned me. Then I woke up and the awful tiredness I'd felt for so long was all gone. I had also some slight memory that this was not something that would be granted to me again, but something necessary right then.

Now knowing I've been lethally ill for very long I get this message. What I'd felt was pure source energy and without it I'd most likely would had received cancer or other dangerous side effects of the lethal condition I was in. After a few years the illness was detected as I finally got around to go to another doctor, hoping he'd believe me, which he didn't and he also sent me home with some stupid advice, like I was imagining I was ill. Luckily this health center did take some blood and thanks to that found out I indeed was lethally ill, in spite of all doctors believes that I cannot be ill as I look so healthy, according to them. I'm still very angry at this doctor as he would not listen to a word I told him and ignored my very high blood pressure, by comparing me with others instead of with myself. Normally I have a blood pressure at the lowest edge of the normal scale, but now it was at the top level, and such a huge change is not normal at all. But he would not listen. He also could not see anything wrong on my EKG, even if my heart was beating so hard it sounded like huge BOOMS in my head. He ignored that as just a little bit hard, but not understanding why the heart would do such a weird thing. He neither understood that this sound prevented any sleep to occure, and a person needs to sleep. He just could not see how odd it all was, and that was so stupid. A heart doing this is working too hard, and that is a big sign something is very wrong.

All of this comes back to the agenda of ignoring and killing off the truly creative and loving people on this planet, if you ask me. Those clever enough will try and try again to get heard and will find healers that will help them back to life. Those trusting the mainstream health care will perish at worst case, as they are ignored for years in their pain and agony. All surely a plan by the virus, as the complainers and petty self important patients get alot of attention, while only suffering from minor health problems, like a sensitivity to certain food products, like milk. I've seen this myself how a person with such minor problem are totally helped and considered very important to assist. Like her problems are of higher importance then a person like me. It's so very unfair as my condition was lethal and was slowly killing my body, and not even at the end would I be believed. Had they not tested my blood I'd soon after would had died, for sure, and been totally out of help. Still I meet this nonsense from the person I think about, who have this oversensitivity to milk products. I know many who have that, but none so self important as her. She acts like her problem is lethal and horrible, her B-vitamins intake need and all surrounding this and anything concerning her and her family so very special and very grave.

All the while she ridicules truly horrible things happening to others, and minimizing and belittling them. The person I think about is our baby sister, of course, who immediately always either make up a story that makes her the worst afflicted or she laughs off others suffering. She is in no way a better person then our horrible brother, I must say, as she is so clever at making us all feel sorry for her, when she is making it out she has all our problems, but worse. Even after I was recovering from my lethal illness she made me feel sorry for her as now she was sure she had heart problems. She admitted to knowing that I was diagnosed long ago with a most likely born with heart condition, and after I'd told her this heart doctor had warned me of over straining my heart and my worry that the lethal illness might have done alot of that, of course, she immediately put all the focus on her and her heart. Of course I was very kind to her, as I always am, but the thing is - she took away the focus on me, who actually have this problem, and put it on herself. She makes people do that also all the time, like the lawyer settling the estate after father. She makes people think her made up fictional ideas are more real, then actual events and provable facts are. He believes now she is more entitled to the estate then I am, just cause she says so. That's the hypnosis.

Back in 2008 I remember talking to this sister about my bad health problems and her reply gave me so much guilt over how self centered I was, as her health was so much worse then mine. According to her. Now I know that I was lethally ill already at that time and what I'd complained about was caused by my body's inflammatory state. According to her she had worse problem with this then I did, and she'd had it since she was 12. So me just feeling this getting really bad these last two years I felt very stupid, so I didn't want to focus on my problem anymore, in spite of me having severe problems and loads of pains that made life very difficult. I didn't know how to be able to handle a job with such issues and I rarely slept without horrible pains from the area of infection. So this went on for many years getting worse and worse every year until my body gave up and I had to go to the doctor. And he didn't either believe me! But thanks to the blood result everyone got proof I was indeed severely ill, and I was not making anything up. As a matter of fact the question now was how I could had lived in such poorly condition for so long. Isn't that a joke? In my opinion all this happened for me to see what people truly are made of, as this was part of my fate here on earth. Now I can separate me from these selfish people, who love to cause me pain and suffering. The two I know love this for sure is this sister, and the second brother. Also my mother has a very evil strike that doesn't appeal to me what so ever. In my opinion she's a very toxic person that need to cleanse herself before I'd like to have anything more to do with her. Of these three I'd say she is the one most likely to one day be able to do this, but as things look right now I think she'll do that in her next life cycle.

I've made all of these graphics from tutorials using the images suggested by the tutorial maker. The ones I've chosen for this site are of course mostly such that might in some way suite a zodiac sign. Being a Gemini myself I'm mostly attracted to that sign. As you might notice there are lots of signs I have not yet made a gift to. On the site there is however already as gift for Taurus people, that I did not include here. Of some reason I seem to also find many nice graphics to do for Virgo, but that is natural as all one needs is a Madonna figure or a beautiful, kind looking lady with either a child or with wheat in her hands. When you go to the site you have to enter to Zeus Zodiac to actually learn anything about our star signs or some other issues concerning cosmos. It's mostly for entertainment so don't expect rocket science. I also devote this site to our friends out there, somewhere on other planets and solar systems. I have a hard time to digest the notion that our little pearl in space are the middle of everything, that so many humans still feel attached to. Like all the stars are only illusions and other weird notions. I feel much happier to be sure there are other places out there, with more love and care for each other, as the psychopathic virus has not infected the race, as it's done here. Places that have transcended this infection and conquered it, as I'm sure that's the only way to rid yourself from it. To get immune.

IngRuna - Love Circle