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söndag 30 augusti 2015

Gaslighting, Triangulation and Projection

One thing important in this video is how they gaslight you and how they manage your perceptions. When doing so they will go from kind of flattering comments, to put downs ment to make you feel bad (unless you stop doing whatever they want you to stop doing).

Here is a letter I got from my mother months after my sister super-gaslighted me: Dear daughter! Once I got the world's prettiest and cutest little girl. She looked like a little doll, so people had go up and touch her to understand that she was a living child!
(Break!!! This was dad's favorite tale and nothing mother used to say. It's the ONLY tale I know from my baby years - I was a freaking DOLL.)

Let's continue on this "memory lane" in third person. She speaks ABOUT me to me: I have always liked this child alot, even when she had grown up to a beautiful woman and mother.

Now she changes into speaking directly TO me, but it's all about HER and how she put herself before me even when I was a toddler: Already at 3 years of age you saw that I needed to get out and meet other people also - X (my dad) was rarely at home (- constant meetings at eveningtime). All my relatives were far away.
(Break!!! What about her 3 children? Were we not related to her or what is she saying here?)

She goes on and keeps feeling sorry for herself in her fairytale victimland, using plenty of insinuations through negations: I don't think X (dad) isolated me consciously and on purpose. And I don't either think that my parents and siblings were hostile towards me cause we rarely met. But it's vital to have contact with your original family and other adults! We are social humans who need others.
(Break!!! What is she saying her, apart from lying about dad and her family of origin? She says that despite my family of origin been hostile towards me I need them! And that they are the only people that count, all others I socialize with don't. Only mean and abusive people count. LOL)

She goes on to frame a totally other matter for why I totally despise those family members and adults she promotes: It pains me that you and X (my son) have run into mean people and that the legal system is weak. But that is not our fault!

Then she makes it out as if she's the bigger victim here again, while all she's been part of doing towards me have nothing to do with them at all and is all in my paranoid brain: Bullying have I also been affected by during many and long periods in my life. One has to avoid to become paranoid cause of that. Everyone in the family mean you well and everyone like each other deep down.
(Break!!! So they've been lying and threatening me and smearing me with their own mischief cause they "deep down" care so much? Give me a break!)

She goes on and pretends blatant lies and framing of me is just little mixed up info and people talking past each other: Misunderstandings must not destroy that. And now we suffer with you and your family. Don't shut us out!

Suddenly she totally changes tone. Suddenly she attacks me with more lies and frames me with something I'd not done:
And I'm not some old demented hag... Don't be patronising!!

She then goes on playing the victim and frames my dad with more nastiness towards her and others: Unfortunately X (dad) projected his own disatisfaction on others under his later years, specially women. Don't act like him! I hope you may be healthy and strong!
(Break!!! She just accused me of projecting my disatifaction on other women and then out of nowhere sends me wellwishes?)

In her next paragraph you will see WHY she began talking about my health: Beware of identifying with your grandmother! Her self-effacement and victim-role belonged to a past view on women and it drove her to her death!!!
(Break!!! Did she just imply that I was going to die? Well, unless I do as she tells me and THEN I will stay strong. By the way, it's my sister who took grandmother's name, not I. So why this?)

She goes on to smear my now dead dad some more and makes herself out as the surviving victim of male abuse - all lies: X (dad) had most likely seen that that view on women had lived on. But he did not understand how dangerous and life hostile it was! That I very late managed to free myself from patronising violations have given myself a dignified life. Yes, also I grew up with strong patriarkal values.
(Break!!! WTF is she even talking about? Dad did ALL housework and he was a dead nice guy, apart from him trying to please her all the time. Despite her constant bitching and snidy remarks to him he always stood on her side, until AFTER the divorce, when he finally began to see the truth, though it took him many more years.)

The paragraph she wrote last was so screwed up it's impossible to comment further, and here are more of the same ridiculous projections with no foundation in anything real: Don't look down on yourself and other women! Remember: It is not only you who get devalued cause you are a woman! All women encounter that, it's worst for the most beautiful and the most competent. Unfortunately that is how it still is in our society. But it is slowly getting better for every generation.
(Break!!! Is she implying that I am devaluing her and my sister cause of envy of their beauty and competence? Or what women is she talking about? It's them two who've framed me for what they did in dad's death estate, so I guess it must be what she means.)

Suddenly she totally changes tone again. Suddenly I'm the beautiful and strong one once again: You are both beautiful and strong. You will overcome the difficulties. Sometimes you need to find someone to talk to whom you can trust (for instance a good psycho-therapist).
(Break!!! So I'm strong, and therefore I need help from a mental health care professional? Cause I won't lie? And why would I trust a therapist more then my best friends? Mother was one and all she does is project her own shit unto others and make up lies about people. What a fine therapist she was indeed!) 

She goes on with her letter, pretending all is fine after all her horrid gaslighting and accusations: I support you and wish you all the best! If you need advances on the heritage I can fix that. (The whole little heritage will be private property to my heirs.) And if you wish to change your 50-years gift to something else - just tell!
(Break!!! Notice she tries to bribe me and reminds me of her own property. That wording - private property - is one of her top favorite ones, and something dad was dead against. So lo and behold when it was found in my sister's "will" she had tried to make dad sign back in 1996. The content in that will was what my sister tried to con us to give her, by lying that dad had promised her this. But in the unsigned will dad had changed it, so it was no more as our sister wanted it. And the paper my sister forced me to read - and then said she had not shown me - was also from 1996. I remember nothing about private property, or any sums, as sister claims. This story is the same mother spins, and the brother who was not there. They all "confirm" something they've never read, while I HAVE READ IT. And it's obviously something dad wrote up after refusing to sign my sister's damn will. And it's obvious mother helped sister writing that will, as she was only 25 at the time and honestly not the brightest star on the block.)

Mother ends her letter with alot of words of seemingly affection, while in reality not actually having to say the dreaded "L" word: Warm hugs and heartfelt greatings to You and the whole family! Mother, grandmother, great grandmother

Well, that was the letter I got 2 days after dad's first year anniversary of his death day. One year ON THE DAY of the day when my sister showed me the paper, which was not a will, but made in 1996. So it was the 30th September 2013 - 5 months after mother was called by sister to testify about the content of that paper. She was to say that the sum in the unsigned will was the correct one! She herself offered to testify to this 1½ months after the first suggestion came from the sister. But later on she pretends this never happened, and never will. Then she writes a mail to the lawyer and does it again...

The next summer the sister frames mother for always being with her with all the shit she did in dad's house the nights after he died. She says that mother can confirm that she didn't do what she'd done, but that it was me and my witness who'd done it all. Since our sister had already admitted to us that she did do it, that means that mother is in on it. Well, truth is that we were not there and both these witches know this, so how can mother "confirm" we did? It's clear that mother was deliberately helping out with this house con and that she's been doing it a very long time, as the unsigned will was from 1996 and had her favorite words in them. Words she was constantly talking about, and even mentions in this letter to me, so either she was helping out and dictating that unsigned will, or she was a strong influence on my sister when she wrote it.

However, mother admits that she's never ever read or seen the REAL paper that actually was signed, but she still wants to testify that I am wrong about it and we don't need to see it either, thanks to honest mother's testimony. And we should be ashamed of ourselves if we doubt her words, while we should doubt our own and should understand that people sometimes don't remember things correctly, so therefore - both me and my witness - must be humble enough to see we can be wrong. But we must not question our sister or our mother and trust their words for it! That is so CRAZY narc-talk you can get. You want to punch them in the face until they bleed, you honestly do, but there is no use to do so. If you punch an evil narc as hard as you can they will only gloat and be happy, as that is what they want you to do!

That is how crazy they are. They want you to loose it and prove them right. All the lies, all the spin they've made up about how violent and abusive you are will then - FINALLY - be out in the open and proven to everyone. That is how they work. They slowly get there, with small sprinkles of crazy day out and day in. The only way is to love yourself so much you realize you are worth so much more then this constant abuse. So much more then to be treated this way, never be heard, never respected. Just go away!

Tell them to leave you alone or just block the crap out of them. And never ever feel guilty for all the baiting they throw at you. For all the "gifts" they send you. For all the guilttripping they do. And don't feel hurt for all the "carefaces" they will do. Just love yourself and everyone who actually care for you. Who wont gaslight you - well, not this much atleast as nobody is perfect! A little stupid is okey - alot of mean mind fuck is not. Peace out!

Luna IngRuna - Love Circle

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