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måndag 4 maj 2015

How You Know You Are Dealing With A Narcissist

The main give away is the lack of empathy for a person they've helped to shun, defame and bully for years. The lack of empathy for the lonely, isolated, weak, sick and old is the typical give away, but remember, that they will most likely rarely disclose this lack to the outside world, but only to the one they are treating badly. It's cause it's safe to treat these people badly and malignant people need to feed off the pain and suffering from others, as they have no soul connection to the origin, the source. They are cut off from source, as they have drifted too far away energetically to connect to what is truly the CREATOR of everything. If you know how it feels to be with this source, you know the feeling of union, the all-knowing and love. It's a feeling that you cannot forget and it keeps you forever connected to the source and in touch with other's souls. You can feel others pain as your own and you have deep compassion and empathy for the truly suffering.

That is what makes you real, a true human and not malignant or a psychopath. But it will also make you the most likely to be targeted as a food source for the vampires, whom have lost this ability. I know that some malignant people claim they don't target anyone special and that is a lie. It's obviously claimed to confuse us trying to figure this gig out. Everyone who's been targeted actually know that this is a lie, as they can testify that the bully wont touch some people and only a very few select. Bullies don't go around and target everyone, but they will smear everyone a little bit, to not let others be above them in rank. However, they smear their sidekicks to all the other sidekicks in a very obscure way, so to pick up the very thing that is obvious about them and enhancing this very little flaw. But when they smear their targets they will frame a totally innocent person with things they never ever have done. Most things even things that the bully themselves are doing. That is the huge difference really.

Another thing is that to do this they've used a smear tactic for years in advance, where they've slowly worked up to an acceptance from others to believe the worst of their target. How that is done is that the bully has mentioned bad things about the target, that partly been true, but taken totally out of context, exaggerated and given a total opposite twist to sound much worse then it really was. And then the bully began all this smearing with faked concern, while at the same time in many cases pretending to their intended target to be their friends and actually being the one suggesting to them to do the things, they are then smeared about doing. Either the target does or does not do the suggested actions, the bully will imply to others they intend to do so and put all the blame on the target and say it like it's really horrible they can do such a thing.
For instance, if the bully is a friend to the target and there is talk about issues with the partner of the target, the bully starts bashing the partner to the friend and tell them to split up. But behind the back of the target the bully will tell people that they have problems with their relationship due to the target being unfaithful and that cause of that the partner of the target is suffering. So by doing that the bully sides with the partner behind her "friend" and bashes her to others. Eventually this story might reach someone who might react and might get in touch with the partner of the target, who will get baffled and not get one word of what is said and totally deny the whole thing as vile lies about the intended target. This is one way of eroding others view on another person, that was trusting enough to talk to the friend about matters in their private life, and being used and betrayed by this fake friend, who instead used the information as believable smear. This might sound innocent enough, but it's not.

A real friend would not tell a soul what was said in private, but a fake one would and also take the side against their friend. This is what some call a "frenemy" and all malignant people are at most that to others, as they will smear everyone. The worst affected are however those that are pure at heart and will not agree with lies and bribes. Those that care for the weak and suffering and who have seen the true face of the bully. There are indeed only two kinds of people who can see through these bastards, and one of them are those who've been their victims, and seen their masks fall off. The other kind are the truly empathetic, who can feel the pain and emotions of others. Empaths feel inside when a person is truly feeling something, and when they are faking an emotion. When you are an empath you can feel the nothingness in a total sociopath. You can feel she feels nothing when she cries and it will bother you as you will doubt your abilities to tune into others.

You will wonder if you've lost your gift, but it's not you who've lost them, but the empty shell not having any emotions for you to tune into. Also, you might feel contempt from them, when their faces are trying to fake care or sadness. But you will feel they are mocking the audience, and it will be very confusing to you. This is the reason that empaths always feel specially targeted by sociopaths, as they are their greatest enemies. Sociopaths will use narcissists to do their dirty work, as narcissists are like small children inside. These little children need to feel important and accepted, so they will always run after the main bully and hang with the biggest crowd. That's why narcissists are dead afraid to be alone and get meltdowns if they are abandoned. You should had seen the meltdowns I've seen in my own family when this happened. To the outside it looks like this narcissist is really, truly suffering, and many believe they do. Perhaps they do, but they always do it at the expense of others, as they will do anything to get back in favor of their masters.
It's hard to feel sorry for a malignant narcissist, who shows no mercy for the weak, alone and ill, that's been crushed by a lying psychopath. When I talk about a sociopath I've chosen the interpretation of the term as those being malignant and socially well adapted. Someone rather using social aggression to harm their victims, rather then physically, even if that might be true as well. In my opinion people with anger issues, who lash out and smack people, are more likely to not be pathological then the social aggressors are. The angry people might more likely be the victims of abuse and acting out as lies and smear and insults make human beings angry. You need to look at what came first to know who's behind the mess. An angry person might be rightfully angry, and only trying to defend themselves, and when that don't work smack the lying bastard in his face for his lies.

It's easy to blame a physically violent person and to make it out like that person is a psychopath, so that's the reason my bullies immediately started smearing me with that and are still today posting claims all over the place of my violent nature.That together with their unfounded claims of my mental illness and other totally fabricated stories there are so much proof of their smear campaign about me, their hate propaganda towards me, their bullying of me. But like it is with pathological liars they are using all of their own made up fabrications as proof of their own lies. For instance, to prove their stories they point towards a reaction that occurred after their lies. It might be a totally benevolent, very timid response of self defense, where I want one person to tell the truth. That reaction is then used as proof of a vast and long lasting harassment from me, while in reality it's the other person who's been lying a long time about me, and even told people that I'm mentally ill behind my back. So after me finding out that she's calling me mentally ill, and making it out that I'm just as crazy now as she said our brother in the US was last year, she tries to sway others to help her out to put me down.

She's very convincing and she made everyone believe our brother in the US was bonkers for months in 2012. First he was totally bonkers during the summer and he was mean to an old and sick aunt and then he kept on being crazy the whole year. Well, that's the version we all got from our sister, the one later on making out that I'm bonkers after I refuse to admit to being wrong, when I know that I'm not alone in my reality - my sister is. As soon as you realize that you could possibly not had been hallucinating or dreaming up an event, as the memory is shared with another person, you immediately will not allow yourself to be harassed to admit that you are wrong, in favor of a single person who sits there and mock you and call you names. You will instead stand your ground and tell her to stop lying as she now know she's outnumbered. If you are dealing with a malignant person you will however not get the normal response, which normal people do, but instead you will be attacked and name called.
In this case I was called mental, bully and that I was threatening her with violence. All made up to make me look like a psychopath out to harm a sweet and innocent little angel, while in reality the truth was the other way around. Except that I'm a human being, living on earth, with all what that means. I'm not like she's made out to be - someone that can never be wrong. Still today her supporters will not accept that she made a huge error when she took 40 000 crowns from me, for a car that was at most worth 25 000 crowns. Later on we found out it was worth less then 10 000 crowns in the state it was when I took over it, but what we had been told back then was something like 24-25 000. Nobody still remembers what was suggested, and no-one bothered to do a proper check up, before my sister bullied me into taking over the car. She told me that a dead person could not own a car, so I had to take it. Which was not true, it turned out. She also said that I could have the car as compensation for getting so much less in gifts from father. I thought that was kind of ridiculous, as I've gotten hundreds of thousands less then my siblings, so a crappy car was nothing. Then she still draw 40 000 crowns from me, so she'd lied.

I was conned again and was again deprived of even more money, on top of all the rest that my siblings had gotten. It was very confusing at that time, as she'd put together a list of old gifts father had given us. She did that without any insight from her three siblings and if anyone of us argued against it, she used the others to shut that one up. Later on she's admitted that our mother was helping her looking through father's papers, or that she atleast was there when it happened. To start with she said she was doing it all alone, but the next year she said mother was with her all the time. This list was then sent out to us siblings the week after father died, but soon after we voted against using this list of preemptive legacies. Then she talked me into taking over the car, as it was on a garage in our hometown and nobody else lived nearby. And she said that I needed not worry about the payment, since I'd gotten so much less in gifts then the rest. Thank you so much! 

This caused me to not realize that she'd despite that put up the car on the list, and that she'd over valued the car four times it's value. I didn't know the value at that time and thought the car was worth about 25 000 crowns, like I'd been told. As soon as I started talking about the house agreement half a year later she suddenly pulled the list out of it's hat, and it showed the enormous sum of 40 000 crowns for this crappy car. To this day I've repaired the car for about 40 000 crowns, and it's still not worth it. I'd think I should be happy if I could get 15 000 crowns for it. Before it was repaired it turned out that it's true value was less then 10 000 crowns, but the garage had over valued the car when asked to repair it, most likely to not loose the job. They conned us on the value and my sister conned me and added 15 000 crowns to their value, either on purpose or by accident. What was not an accident however was the bullying brother's harassment of me after this. He's still smearing me and bullying me about this, but as I wont talk to him he does it to everyone else. He claims the car was worth 35-40 000 crowns and that I'm the one conning my siblings.
That's what he does as he's an utter liar and totally mean. Only a very mean person would treat an innocent person the way he's been treating me and by that he's proven he's one of the worst assholes I've known in my whole life. As soon as I noticed that the sister had written in the car on the list, which atleast two of us thought was not used anymore, I wrote to all of them and asked about the value. There was nothing mean or nasty in my question, and I'd added a screen dump of the car's official value, which was 25 000 crowns. The response I got was however extremely rude and hostile, where I was attacked by being a troublemaker, a cheap money greedy bitch. It was such a nasty reply from my sister it totally shocked me, as she was the one who was in error and instead of showing the slightest sign of humility and checking up on the correctness of the sum, she just attacked me and humiliated me. She could see on my screen dump that she was wrong and she ought to have followed that value and not attacked me, if she was an honest and kind person.

Instead she immediately attacked me and made me out as the bitch here for questioning the wrongly withdrawn amount from my account. And if you top that with her oral promise to me and the fact that we'd voted the list away, her behavior was weird and horrible. She took upon herself to re-instate the list and she took upon herself to draw whatever sum she wanted from my account. As soon as she did that she was of course supported by the same brother she herself had smeared for so long. How weird isn't that? But like I talked about at the beginning this is how such malignant people treat others, as they are handling other people like pieces in a game. What I can't get my head around is that this brother is so ill that he is totally siding with mother, no matter what defamations she spreads about him. She straight out told me that this golden son of hers was totally incapable of handling economics, which was why I had to vote on my baby sister to do so. She called him irresponsible and a poor choice, as he's too dreamy and not stuck in reality. Later on she's compared him to her youngest brother, whom she called a psychopath for decades. It's kind of weird that she both adores this son so much and at the same time puts him down behind his back this way, but I've learnt now that this is typical behavior of a narcissist mother.

To me it's just weird how devoted this brother is to the two bitches who look down on him so much, but then I learnt that narcissists are totally all about power. So they will take alot of shit from someone they are looking up to, like a parent, a successful person or a rich and famous one. Whatever makes them tick. So both mother and the sister had been putting him down as a mental nutcase, more or less, for months and then he's totally devoted to this sister, when she makes an error and insults me for revealing it. This just does not make sense to a normal person, but when you look upon it as narcissism it does. This is then suddenly typical behavior as facts and who's right and who's wrong does not matter in this equation to a narcissist. All such a personality disordered cares about is who's in power and who's not. And obviously I'm not. Also realize that my sister attacked me yet one more time, despite her already by that time having been told by the brother talking to the garage that the value she's put on me - the 40 000 crowns - were far too high and that it most likely was something around 24 000 crowns.
So she already knew all that and she still jumped on me and insulted me and acted like I was in the wrong for asking about the value and proving that the official value of such a car was around 25 000 crowns, on the private market. The value of such a car at the time bought from a car firm was 35 000 crowns, which was the value our nutty brother was stuck on and ever since then nags about. He actually even repeats the made up value of 40 000 crowns as more correct, then the official value and the value the garage said at the time. When you know the true value, made by the same garage later on when they were told about all the faults we've fixed, it gets even more horrible. All of this is nothing else then harassment, bullying. These people are nasty bullies and I realize they've been treating me this way my whole life. I used to be angry all the time, when I was a little child, and so was my oldest brother. We were so upset and angry due to things our mother and her golden son cooked up our only escape was to avoid the bitch. It was only possible to play with our brother when we were not in conflict over something, or if our mother was not close by.

She'd always help out to ridicule us and would always side with the bully. And the bully would lie about what we'd said, done and meant, and make it out like his version of reality was the only true one, despite how fabricated and false it was. He did that by adding made up stuff and withdrawing actual stuff from the equation, and as we can see now he's not evolved from such mean and childish behavior now as an old guy growing grey hair and wrinkles. If you got a truly malignant person on your hand you have to count on them getting worse by age. The older they get, the more horrible things they will come up with doing. It's cause their brains are shrinking, I think, but I don't really know if that's the true reason. Mother always said that old people are getting more of what they already are, so perhaps it's cause the ability to hold back goes away when we age that narcissists get so over the top nasty and hurtful with age? She ought to know, as she used to be more sneaky and now she does so openly crazy things that I already back in 2011 got sick of her.

After that she's just gotten worse and either my brainwashing has seized and I can see what a rude and insensitive bitch she is, or she's always been this way. Either way I would not blame any new mental illness for her behavior, which she once in a letter to me accused me of doing. To make made up false accusations are also one major sign you are dealing with a pathological liar. Lying is the main trait of a psychopath and that's why the book is called "People of the lie" that deals with this disorder. They lie about so much and so often that it's really hard to pin down what's true and what's not. In many cases people have come to realize that their whole perception on matters have been totally skewed by many thousands of small lies, many events turned backwards, smear framing the innocent and so on. This cause unbelievable suffering in this world where sensitive people are met with hostility and no help from others, despite their situations, as someone has used lies to ruin for them.
This is not a rare problem, but one of the major problems in this world where narcissists seem to feed off doing harm to others and putting others through years of tension and mental torture. Many use their children to drag others through court and uncertainties. They will cry and act like they are the ones that are suffering, while vilifying the other parent by turning the table on who did what to whom. You can take this issue from the personal relationships with these conner, up to the state level and global level. It's all the same. The liars and deceivers have put their own people everywhere to handle the perception of the many. They will pay politicians to lie for them and they will pay the press. They have so many in their control since liars tend to earn all the cash and leave the good, honest people without. When the thieves have taken all and the real humans own nothing a society dies. It happened many times even during the era of Sumer and it always ended with the king having to kill all the thieves and give back all the wealth to the people or the country would die and everyone in it.

That story is a good example to what we all have to do to thrive - we have to rid ourselves of these thieves and liars from our lives. I know killing them sounds a bit extreme, but the funny thing is that this is what they seem to want us to do, as that is what they are constantly projecting at their victims they are intending to do. Just listen to the thieves who stole the country of the palestinians from the rightful people in that region. They are mostly coming from places like Russian, Europe and so on, and they know they are thieves, so they project constantly that they ought to be killed for their thievery. Why they do that could be interpreted as just them covering up their own crimes of killing the palestinians by playing victims, just like malignant people do. It might also be their soul knowing they are thieves and for a very long time on this planet thieves have been executed. So like a genetic memory we know we ought to be killed for stealing from others and that might be the true reason they are constantly projecting this want unto others, those they've stolen from.

That is something we should investigate have happened with others who've stolen land or property from another, if the thieves afterwards been projecting this murderous intent on their victim. Whatever is true about that, it's very peculiar how my sister and angry brother did that towards me. Also my brother-in-law went all hysterical and abusive towards me and scared the living shit out of me, how hostile he was, when even he was totally aware of the fact that his wife had done what I was telling, as both was he there before she did, telling me she was to talk to be about something, so obvious he meant what she then showed me as why would he else tell me that, and he had been told that our brother had confirmed that I'm telling the truth about this. So why on earth would he get so threatening and terrifying unless he was feeling caught out, as I now truly understand that him and his wife had planned to show me the truth and then ridicule me and put me down for talking about it. If my brother-in-law was innocent he would not had threatened me, so his over-the-top attack towards me proved to me he was part of the mob.
To me it's actually harder to see that outsiders of my family is in on abusing me, so my anger is today mostly directed towards this brother-in-law, as he totally conned me into believing he would take care of my sister and make her walk the straight and narrow. I also thought he was a caring person with emotions, like empathy, so I used to speak to him like he was a friend. Understanding that he was lying to me when he said he cared for me and that he actually wanted to hurt me and harm me was very frightening to me. I cannot explain really why that is so, but today I just hate everything about that man and everything he's done or said to me. It's all lies to me now. All was fake and phony and in my head I have this constant image he tricked me and fooled me. Nobody can like me, and he made me think that someone might accept me and like me like a friend. And now he's proven to me I was wrong and that my family was right. Nobody can like me.

I know it's not true, but that is the damage psychopathy and narcissism do to a feeling and sensitive human being. They teach you that nobody can like you. That no-one ever will love you or marry you or have your children. The fact that someone did all that is the outer proof they were wrong, but to get the outer proof into my head is very hard, as they also devalued all of this at the same time as I managed to materialize it. As I found a man who loved me, I was told he would leave me. As I was marrying him some people were acting out over all sorts of made up insults to take the focus off the importance of this event. As I got pregnant and had children also that was minimized by the most envious of the crowd or atleast not made into a too big a deal. It's even hard for me to pinpoint any specifics, as most that occurred is so obscure and forgotten. What I'm left with is the feeling that no-one of them really wanted me to have them, nore felt that they were of any importance. 

All of that negative feedback from your own family I think is what makes you so desperate to feel normal and accepted by outsiders and why any actions from an outsider hits you harder. You have learnt to expect abusive putdowns from your own kin, but you need positive feedback from someone to confirm your right to exist. When that fails you know that you have no right to live. That you should kill yourself. That is the message that my head hear whenever an outsider joins this gang of bullies and accepts their lies and defamations about me. I hear that it's time for me to die now, that nobody likes you, nobody wants you to live. I have to concentrate really hard to hear the voice of the source to hear that this is the lies of the evil one, who want all life to perish, so this killer want all souls on earth to die, who are connected to the source. And that despite the minions who work for the evil one then also will die, as the narcissists need to feed on living beings to live themselves. Perhaps they really don't or that the truly malignant ones, the psychopaths, don't need.
If that is so we might one day have a world of robots, without any emotions, no soul, no real life force, but only zombies that walk the earth doing what they are told by their masters. To me this is an impossible outcome and I am not able to believe this can ever be. I've seen it again and again in movies, but I keep seeing it as impossible. To me the future holds the same as it always have, when faced with total death of the living. That is that the ones only able to create death and live on others will rule up until a breaking point, when all the living just had it with their abuse and insults. There's a limit to the shit good, honest people can take, until they say no more and start to fight back. I do hope that time has come, as it sure as hell has for me. I will not take their shit anymore and I will not listen to their little guilt tripping and slime no more. No matter how many people they sway into believing their lies will I doubt my own self worth or accept their lies. This I can promise them. I've had enough of their despicable actions.

Another one that truly disappointed me was the lawyer, so I've mentioned some about that a few times by now. It's so frustrating to see total strangers so easily swallowing their lies, while so strong headed refusing to believe your truths. It's frustrating as I could see that he knew I was truthful, but that he felt it more appealing to help out in the scam, as he felt that someone like me was fun to hurt. It was that feeling that he thought that I was not good enough to help that made me totally go infuriated with him and made me curse him so many times that it's no way he'll get out of that one by now. He showed that he knew who lied but that he felt good about helping someone he looked up to as a good conner and manipulator. He was enchanted with the pathology and he wanted a piece of it, just like everyone that's been swayed by the devil. So my anger was two-folded, as both was I in personal anguish over the devaluation, that said I was not allowed to live and should kill myself, but also as he'd condemned his soul by his actions.

I know that sounds odd and weird, but I'm afraid it's all too true. If you get lured by the evil forces to do bad things to a good person, just to gain fame and popularity from some perceived superior being, then you truly have been conned by the devil to give up parts of your soul. Every time you do something bad to get ahead on this planet you will do that and there is nothing mysterious about this. This is a secret that right now are being hid from people and something they like to frame on old religions and supernatural believes. Oh, if that was only true, but it's not. This is a very ancient knowledge, which has been living inside newer religions during this age of iron. But it's old as it gets and there is no escaping it. Whatever you choose to do will have repercussions to what happens with you later on. Who you will become, what your possibilities will be and how your abilities will develop. If you choose to lie and deceive to harm an innocent person and cause them emotional and other kinds of harm, you will drag yourself into a web of deception where you in the end have no-one you can trust, as you are not trustworthy.
Many who do truly evil deeds in their lives seem to live long and happy lives with lots of people supporting them and admiring their ability to cause destruction upon the innocent. At the end these people seem to die surrounded with hoards of yes-sayers, who want nothing else then to please this demon. That might be so on the surface, but if you look hard you might realize that what this person was rewarded for in this life will have ensured him to a certain place in the next. To help such evil people out the tricksters in this world have come up with ideas like there is no other realms then this one, and when you die you just die. Which is hilarious of course, to someone like me. These crazy people believe then they can do anything, as when they die there is nothing. Will they get a surprise then and not some they will like. They might rule here, as it's easy to con and scare people when you are of a rare and ruthless kind that most are not. What if you come to a place where everyone are so much worse then you? What if you find yourself descending through the game, ever needing to do worse to end up on top of the dung heap?

Just like I have been creating beauty and life in my life, through my own effort and without using and lying and conning, just the same a person with less moral might try to do the same using short cuts and tricks. A few tricks that don't hurt others, and are no lies that will do harm, but more embellishment and flowering to sell a product or yourself, might not be of any matter. But as soon as a person starts to harm another living being on a deep soul level, trying to crush them and make others look badly on them for made up reasons, that's when things will go bad, really bad. I'm talking about the sociopathic smear, where they use their flying monkeys, which most often are full blown narcissists, to attack someone in their way. Where they even invent opponents to get away with cons, as framing someone with misdeeds is a perfect way for a ruthless sociopath to deflect everyones attention from their actions. This they do to awaken rage towards someone else, whom everyone will look upon while the sociopath can get away with the real crime in the background. 

I've spoken endlessly about the tricks of this kind that I've found out just in recent years, but I'm sure the smear has been going on from all of them bullying me for many more years before that. I know that mother was openly treating me very poorly my whole life as many have commented on that to me. Why she's done that is hard to say, but in my opinion she's very envious of me and she's been jealous on me ever since I was a pretty little baby. The best proof of that is that her worst assaults always occurred when I was treated with love and appreciation from others, and that totally triggered an enormous rage in her every time. Another proof is that she herself always says that people bully others out of envy, so if she thinks that herself that ought to be the reason why she's behaving badly towards me. I know also that my sister is well aware of this treatment from my mother and fully well know that she treats her much better. However, whilst that would had made me furious and helped my sister out, she's nothing like me, which is why I in a few old blogs have called her my "anti-twin".
Narcissists and malignant people admire the strong and despise the weak, so as I'm an empathetic person without any malignant traits that I'm aware of, I would feel sorry for the person badly treated and step in and stop the abuse. I've done that many times whenever I've seen mother mistreating another, or when I've seen other bullies mistreating others. I'm the one stepping in and helping out whenever I see someone being treated badly and I don't really make too much thinking about if the person is worth defending or not. I just can't stand when people are speaking rudely to others and mistreating them. However it's a very rare thing that anyone help me out when I speak out and it often end with me being attacked by more bullies, as they think it's right to abuse the person being abused. Most of the times people are just watching in silence and seem happy to not be me, and scared someone will attack them too. Silence is agreeing, so those silent bystanders who let a rude person talk down to another are all part of the process of bullying. All my life I've been this way and it's nothing I can change. 

Another, even more disturbing thing that might happen when you step up and try to stop someone from being verbally abused, is that the one at the receiving end of the assault will side with their abuser. That is Stockholm Syndrome at it's finest. You do feel abit good about yourself when you tell someone to talk more kindly to another, so it's very humiliating to hear that you've just done things worse by speaking out. But that is how someone under the curse of Stockholm Syndrome will react. It's what also might be attributed to co-dependency as there is some kind of attachment to the abuse. This is very common in families with bullies, so a few of the relatives I have might lash out due to some odd reason that they are attached to what is happening. There is this aunt who told me that she thought I was badly treated in my family, and who also foretold that mother's favorite children would be really troublesome for us when dealing with the inherence. Despite all these insights she still seem to want me to come back for more abuse by them.

What she says and understands and what she then tells me to do and act are two totally different things. She seems to have been very manipulated by mother and sister and despite her considering mother an all through evil person she'd let herself listen to her. And despite her knowing that my sister is mother's favorite she's been listening to lies about me from both of them. This is what comes out as really odd to me, and I've read so many others having a hard time to understand such behavior. Why is she not ever on my side? Why does she promote that I come back to get further victimized by these ass-hats? It does not make sense until you realize that she's addicted to pain and suffering, and she's let narcissists torture her her whole life. She's been heartbroken and missed out on having children and a normal family life, by chasing freaking narcissists and letting them break her heart even when she was old enough to know better. Whenever I'm with her I've always felt like the older one of us, and perhaps I am. Still I do love her and wish she'd hold on to what she knows and forsake all the gossip and lies she's heard from known liars.
Time is running out so there is not much left for those who still haven't understood what matters here. Those who still have not decided to side with the deceivers and still want to fight the good fight. To them I say that there is only one way and that is to be fair and honest. Whenever you try to trick the game with made up "facts" that are nothing but your own fabrications, you will loose. There is no way you can trick this reality and the place we are in will always have a way to send you in the direction your true choices have put you in. You might try and con humans around you, that you are a hero, a saint or a guru of great wisdom, but if you are a liar and a con artist the reality will know despite what the humans around you believe. There will always be some knowing the truth about you, or finding out the truth, and of them there will always be someone brave enough to tell the truth. Despite that, whether someone reveals to others what is true or not, the reality still will know. No lie will go unchecked at the end, even if not one other living soul knew you lied. If that lie caused pain and suffering to another, and you truly did not regret it, that is forever your burden to carry.

Psychopaths refuse to carry the burden of their guilt, so they are each and everyone burning care each and every day of their lives. That is the reason they will never evolve, and will for sure descend back to the hole they arrived from when they entered our realm back at the beginning of the iron age. At that time the veil between worlds got too thin, and they slipped through. Fun as it's been to get to know them all they will soon be gone again, never to be born on this earth for as long as we live here as this human race. If that will not come to pass all humans on earth will instead go extinct so there is no real choice here. Either purge this earth of this scorn, or die all of us. If too many of us joins the hoards of psychopaths, and give up our living souls for fame, fortune, riches and wealth, using lies and harming others, then one wonder what a world that would be when they are all gone. It would become a pretty empty world, with only the good, honest and kindhearted people left on it. Hopefully most people will deep in their hearts choose to care for others, and not care for deceit and lies, but as it looks right now it's pretty grim. Narcissism is thriving.

To be clear this was just random thoughts I quickly put together and alot of it might not be too well addressed, but the main issue here is that you can know these liars by how they treat the most weak. If you watch what they speak about another person and how they speak about this person, you will soon see them, unless you are swayed by shallow words only. You need to look closely and without a preset mind, coloured by the tales of the narcissist. That takes time and effort, but if you truly study what they do they are easy to spot. Beware however that they will smear their target to obscure your sight, so when they bash their poor victim you might end up cheering them on, fully believing the victim is the abuser. You need to take your time to speak and listen to the appointed evil doer, and find out just as thorough as you've surely enough been letting yourself be charmed by the other. Too many will not do this part and therefore it takes a very long time before they realize they've been part of a mob. If ever a bully actually sends you the links to all the horrible smear they tell you others do, be sure to read more then what they point you at. Then you might see what pain and suffering the abuse has caused a good human being, instead of the cruel interpretations of the liar and true smearer.

Luna IngRuna - Kärlekens Cirkel

lördag 2 maj 2015

When Love Is Nowhere To Find

This will be a post about the illusion of others loving you.

Everyone needs to believe that they are loved by those that they have supported and loved themselves so that's why we choose to believe that they do. It makes us feel strong and secure so we ignore the small print, like the one way streets and the bad feelings in the gut, we get from some people. We blame it on all sorts of reasons, and just learn to live with it. When I say "we" I talk about us growing up with narcissists in our mists. Such selfish people will leave all their children feeling not loved enough, cause they never were. Not even the perfect son who managed to fake his way through life, framing others for his own sins. He could never do anything wrong and when he did he just put up a cute innocent face so no-one would have the heart to blame him. It was easier to blame someone else, and everyone soon realized that. First off it made his parents happy if they did, so it worked out fine for all - except those getting the blame, when innocent.

Not even he felt loved enough as he was a budding narcissist himself. Unable to love anyone else but himself he always belittled and ridiculed his siblings. He used them for the gifts they had, but always without ever truly appreciating them. The way he was raised he was fed the notion it was his siblings obligation to support him happily, with none or hardly no payback or any gain in it for themselves. The way such a golden boy is raised he drinks this poisonous idea into his soul with his mother's milk. Unless he'd had no predisposition to become a narcissist he was doomed from the start to become an "übermench". Despite all that he still grew up with the notion that he was not loved enough, cause no amount of love and adoration is ever enough to a narcissist. Just like no amount of support, help and loyalty is enough.
Narcissists are sharks
The big quarrel is whether narcissism is inherited or if it's taught, and I'd say it's a bit of both. Just like the truly malignant people, the psychopaths and sociopaths or what you'd call them, might be both born with the predisposition and then raised in such a way that this trait was beneficial, so I believe it is with all narcissism. It might even be the same condition, as there are covert narcissism, the malignant kind, that sounds pretty much like a socially skilled sociopath, who knows how to play people, while looking all sweet and kind. There are so many kinds of narcissists, but the main ones are the overt ones and the covert ones. When we grow up with narcissism it's the coverts that manipulates in the shadows, while the overts are those that strike you down in the open. But there are many subgroups using their own personal qualities to their own gain, and others destruction.

Realizing that the narcissists you know only care about themselves and will hurt you for who you truly are you keep your inner true emotions behind a thick facade. They never know you, they have not a clue. So the day you are totally over if they like you or not, you can write all you want to, and they will attack you, believing you write it for their sake. But they are sorely mistaken, cause you don't write to make them understand. But they will in their arrogance think all you do is for their sake, and they will attack and try and insult you horribly for the crime of expressing your emotions. Cause they will, in their infantilism, believe you write for them, but if you let that stop you they have won over your creative urge. 
Cause the truth is you express yourself for you, and for all who get what you express. Not for them - the predators - they are for real only silly clowns, so insecure, so childish, so boringly shallow. As long as you write to make them understand you, it's better for the writing to stay in the private, securely hid away from their ridicule. As soon as you don't care for their approval, their flatter and judgement, you can do whatever you like. Their words are just like any troll you meet on the net; you know they only say them to hurt you and there is nothing true in them, only envy and spite.

A few months ago my mother phoned and tried to convinced me she really hadn't meddled in our inherence settlement after our dad (they've been divorced since 1991). I knew she had, but now she claimed I got it all wrong. The proof is in the mails, and I told her. Then awhile later I got a letter where she again said she done NOTHING of what I claim. She's white as snow. She's not done a thing to harm me, and that I should not blame her for my problem with "others". Shortly after that I received a copy of the MAIL she just wrote to our lawyer, who's settling dad's estate. ALL LIES to make some of us out as envious, greedy and money grabbing. Thank you mother!
Narcissists sound convincing
Below is the mail she sent to the lawyer, translated into english as well as I know how to. This is my interpretation of the heading: "From: Shitty old hag Date: 9 februari 2015 14:37 Subject: Poor ex-husband's leftovers. To: Fucktard lawyer". After that follows her totally crap mail, which has like no base in reality whatsoever. There is no discussion about the content, since the sister refused to show the agreement, so there is nothing to argue about. I know what the agreement said, as she showed it to me after dad died, but that is just my memory of it. Since the young hag refuses to show it to us the agreement is null and void. It's no bloody will so it has no legal value what so ever. She choosed to not follow it, which was her right. She did however try to force us to follow something she'd made up from her great vault of imagination. She made up a story about the content of the agreement that was close to what the will daddy refused to sign said. Isn't that a mystery? No, it's not. She tried a con and we would not have it. The old hag's mail starts:

"Since there has appeared a discussion between my children about what was the agreement about the so called third-meadow-cottage on Oldgrub can I testify that my husband at that time (Poor ex-husband) to me said that he had given this cottage as a PREMATURE LEGACY to our youngest daughter (young hag) and that the value of the gift at a future inheritance would be 110000 crowns. At that time was only (young hag) living in South (country), all the other 3 lived in Middle (country). (Poor ex-husband) hoped to get visits sometimes and it's also (young hag) who's visited the most to (poor ex-husband) even if the others in later years moved closer."
Not much of what she says here is true actually. The old hag (so called "mother") was not married to father when all this happened. She's sounding so sweet and honest, trying to come to the rescue, but this short piece if full of lies. This is what made me totally convinced all of this is mother's idea. She was the one pushing my sister to con father to let her have sole right to use the cottage, while two of her siblings just had babies and she barely had left her teens. Father was so happy that after the divorce from mother, which occurred many years after she moved away from him, his baby girl was moving back home with him. A few months later she tells me dad just gave her a house to live in, but she never moved back as she got back together with her boyfriend. My guess is that mother wanted her to have the house. Why? To spite the rest of her children as two of us had just gotten children? She finally filed for a divorce less then 2 months before my due date for their first grandchild. She put dad through the agony of a divorce just as he should had enjoyed to become a grandfather for the first time. Thanks mother!

So that was the first lie in the mail, making her out as a devoted wife, ever present and in full knowledge of her dear husband's every wish. Total bull. Mother's voice is all over the will that father refused to sign, which states 110000 crowns for the house. The agreement I read had no such sum in it and it was no will, so it was not legally binding. The disagreement is that my lying sister wont admit to showing me the agreement and nothing else. The content of it does not matter as it was not legally binding. It does not even matter that the lawyer - the fucktard - tried to con us into believing that oral agreements with a dead man was legally binding. What a joke he is! First he says the agreement I was shown by my sister is not legally binding, then he tries to con us that her made up fiction of an oral agreement is. Does he think we were born yesterday? Please, give me a break, fucktard. He just proved to me that being a lawyer is equal to being a crook. A rotten to the core slimeball. If dad wanted to give the bitch the house for 110000 crowns he'd not changed the will to 210000 crowns and then still not sign it. Which totally proves that I and my good brother tell the truth, since he came in and saw me reading the agreement. He even read one paragraph himself from it before our sister rushed away with it and never showed it to us again.
Narcissists are abusive behind closed doors
The old hag is on a quest to make sure that her will gets it's way after her poor ex-husband's death. Indeed, this is her will as her dear daughter (the young hag) already has taken the offer for her part of the farm and forgotten about the shitty house, which she hardly ever visited and so often complained about to me to be just another burden. But the old hag won't have it, that her daughter does as she wish. She has to meddle, and she makes sure that I wont find out by first lying to me and acting all insulted that I could even believe she'd meddle, then she sends this mail behind my back to the lawyer. She continues her lies, trying to make it out that this house is all the baby girl ever got, while in reality she got far more then me even when we left the house out of the equation. Mother lies to him and makes it out that her oldest son, whom she always tortured and been very mean to, is the one with the most gifts. In reality both boys got the same, but the oldest one was more upfront, while the younger tried to hide all his gifts. By doing that it was very hard to find all his gifts, so what was proven in the end made the oldest look more favored. In reality we're all sure the younger son got far more then anyone else, and that has even the youngest sister said. Actually, she was very much sure of it and upset over it. 

"(Poor ex-husband) had the wish to be fair to all. The other children have also gotten PREMATURE LEGACIES of different kinds in the form of money or contribution to car, etc. In later years he had problems with the memory. The only notebook he had was old envelopes, which he handwrote on. From what he said to me has (nice first born) gotten more money from his father then the rest during the later years (poor ex-husband) lived. It should be documented." 
This from the woman who wish to pretend to be like the lady in the picture. Yeah, right, sure. She tries to sound so nice and caring, but she's acting to help one of her children and one only. She's being sly in what she writes as she first lies about still being married to father when he gave the house to her daughter, which I can prove is a total lie as she lived far away at the time and they divorced in 1991 officially. The house was according to what this sister says given to her in 1992, so several months after the official divorce. But, mother left the mutual home long before this. I left home in 1984 and very shortly after that she also left as I was the one taking care of both my sister and my stupid brother's dog. I used to pretend it was my dog, as he had said I could have her, but she was bought to him and hence given to him and so the dog was actually not mine. But he was clever, as as soon as he'd said those words he started calling the dog mine, and by doing that he could make everyone blame me for whatever the dog got up to when he was out with the dog doing stupid things. It was like brainwashing and both him and baby sister and mother are good at brainwashing people.

Mother is sticking very close to the truth in her mail. Closer then she normally does, but she got so much wrong in the fine print as the lawyer already has all the information he could get on who got what and it was the greedy baby sister who started to put all these old gifts together and nagging about it. She did it only days after dad died to get us when we all were feeling rotten. That's what shitty people like her does, set traps for people who are mourning. At the same time she and her rotten to the core husband were bashing me and my nice brother at father's deathbed that we were not mourning as much as she was. They bashed us for driving to his deathbed all by ourselves, while our sister was in such agony she had to have her husband to drive her. So therefore this perfect stranger had to pretend he cared for me, like he owned my father's death, and he came up to me at the hospitals entrance like the freaking greeting comity. It's a family business and you don't want strangers acting like they belong more then you do under such circumstances. I don't know him and he's a rude, horrible, creepy pervert who should keep his hands to himself. I don't want such man to touch me when I'm to see my father, as I want to be alone or with someone I love. Like my real relatives.
Narcissists want to take your power from you
What mother actually mostly lies about in her mail to the lawyer is that our sister didn't get anything else then the house. In reality she got 50000 crowns to a second hand sportscar once, so she's for sure gotten money to a car. She's also gotten 100000 crowns after her divorce, when she was to buy up the house from her ex. All in all the lawyer showed us he'd found 340000 crowns of pure money gifts from father to her, so there is this small hope that he realized our mother is truly that lying bitch she is when he saw her lies about this. The lawyer also knows that it's me who's been trying to get rid of all this shit about premature legacies, even if all he could find on me was totally 300000 crowns. Remember that I'm 9 years older then my sister and that I have four times the many children, and that I went to university and studied for four years, which she never did. Despite of all of that I've still gotten far less then her. I've gotten a whole lot of less then our brothers too, so why is mother making me out like some money grabbing bitch with her insinuations below? The envy she talks about is her favorite daughter's, who started this mess with all her lists of old gifts almost on father's deathbed.

"I am sorry that the inheritance not seems to be able to split without conflict. Earlier there's been harmony among the siblings. The above has been known since the early 1990's and never questioned of anyone until after (poor ex-husband's) death. I am therefore surprised over this discussion, but know that it's common after deaths. The sorrow awakens aggressions and envy. Best regards Old Hag" Indeed, shitty old hag. This was a sneaky way of saying that I am a lying bitch who never saw the agreement this hag and her mini-me hag had dug out from father's house the night after he died. The paper that my sister forced me to read, and memories, as it was so damn important to her that I truly knew and understood what she showed me. So important she had to send her husband away while she showed it to me, and so special he had to mention to me before he left that I was to be told something important while he was gone. That I ought to go and sit in the sofa so his wife could speak to me about it. Oh yes, he knew him too that I was to be shown something that was not known since the 90's.
The translation and comments above I wrote today, but what is written below is old stuff I don't really remember when I wrote. I'm sure it's still as valid so I will post it even if there are repeats in it. I've been repeating the same thing again and again in all my four blogs and 13 google accounts and all over the place, since the lie has been out there so long and repeated so many times by my smearers and defamers. You know that people will believe the first thing they hear the most, and it's damn hard to change their minds once they've heard one story. The only way is to repeat the truth, but the lie has been out there so long and repeated so many times, that I am still outnumbered. Another thing is that those lying about me are lying to people in real life, using my real identity and lying straight into their faces. I'm telling the truth in secret, where no-one is looking except a few close friends and my stalkers. But the stalkers are the same people who lie about me, so they will not want to understand, show compassion, understanding, feel guilty, but they will only read my history to get more smear to use against me. That is what liars do, as they lie to destroy you.

Before I post the older text below I want to add one more thing about these folks, who lie about innocent people. They do it out of envy, just like mother tells the lawyer, but she is trying to make him think that it's the siblings of her beloved baby daughter who are envious, while the guilty one is the one she tries to protect. Mother tried to make father give her the house for 20 years and she used to phone me all upset as dad refused to sign over the house to my sister and refused to tell the house was hers even. Father was saying the house was his until he died, which is exactly what the agreement I read said, but mother would never accept it and was smearing him with bad memory and stuff like that. After father built the little outhouse to his shitty son mother also started phoning me about that, saying that father had forgotten it was their son's building. She called father crazy and senile for saying that also that building belonged to the farm, but reading his rent agreement we found late last year it says just that what father claimed, and nothing else. So it seems like we now have proof of both our siblings lying about father's wishes for these houses. Mother is also lying when she says that we knew about father's wishes, as all we knew was the brainwashing from her and her two favorites. The rest below is mostly old stuff I've written, with a few new corrections.
Narcissists speak ill about you to all you know
The truth? I have found papers to support my claim about what the paper actually said, as I found a will that dad had refused to sign. In the will he's changed the proposed 110000 kr to 210000 kr and then NOT signed it. The paper I saw was signed 1996 and this will was written 1996. So here is what I think happened. My sister was cheered on by this cow above to force dad to sign the house over on her in a will by the price it had back in the early 90's. Mother had just divorced him and taken all his money. Mother knew that I and the oldest son was in deep dept right now - in 1992 - due to a financial crises that year. So she had ALL dad's cash and she helped this sister to make dad "promise" her a house, when he was down due to the divorce, which totally crushed him. Then they kept harassing him for a few years, lying to all the rest of us that "dad gave your sister this house for FREE". None of us cared that much as we had too much other stuff to care about, like bills to pay and new born little babies. Well, not mother's golden boy as he was single and free, but us two she likes to insult with "you are just like your father", we where.

We have NEVER EVER been "envious" or greedy or any of all nasty things this evil cow has been projecting on us for years now. God knows how long these nasty women have lied about me. They are scum of earth. So she made my baby sister - whom she had ME raise like some nanny - to make a will for dad to sign in 1996 and he refused. The will was written with words clearly showing dad had NOTHING to do with the will. The words were so coloured by mother's ideas! Now she is writing and lying to this estate settler that dad DID agree to this will, when he did NOT. Her hopes was to screw us all over and make us all see that HER WILL was what mattered. Not dad's or any of the rest of us. Remember - I HAVE READ DAD'S REAL WISHES for that house, as my own sister showed it to me. Mother knows that. She's fully aware that dad never wrote that shit about 110000 kr in that paper! She does not know I found the unsigned will now in December, where dad changed their 110000 kr to 210000 kr and then refused to sign it. Then my guess is that he himself made the paper, which my sister let me read two days after dad died.
All these people seem to care about is their bloody houses, and their ideas of what they "should have". Dad did not mean a thing to these evil bastards, and neither do I. It's a bloody miracle I'm still alive after I was severely ill for like ten years without knowing, until I crashed and I was more dead then alive according to all data. But thanks to my slow deterioration I was still living, when I should not be. So then I survived and the miracle in this is that I got well. That put a big smile on my doctors face, who could not believe his eyes. He said he'd never seen someone so very ill recover like I'd done. The sad thing to me is that his smile was warmer, more caring then my own mother's, sister's and closest brother's. How wicked isn't that? So no, I'm not jealous due to their lying and coneiving as I rather be dead then a lying cow like these folks are. They all know what I read from the paper my sister showed and they are utter vile beings for their hate and lies they are spreading about us. I was saved back to life and got a second chance after so many years feeling poorly and they've managed to make these years into hell. 

I will NEVER forgive them for that and I totally blame MOTHER for all this, as she's the one behind it all. She used to say there was NO paper, then she found out in 2013 that she'd been wrong for 21 years and she all of a sudden said that "everyone always known about that paper and it's content". Not a WORD of surprise like she always knew they were lying to us - "dads' children". I suspect she and her two favorites known far more about this for years, and that they all decided to keep us out of their business. They all love to con people and have little "secrets" and I understand that I've been lied about just like so many others I've heard them smear and con. I was stupid for thinking family loyalty meant anything to them. There is no honor among thieves... Us who are out of the loop are the ones they use to frame all their own shit on. That's what I now finally figured out. So mother is framing her usual target in her letter to the lawyer. But she even goes so far and frames me and her once so beloved golden son by making it out we're the only one's being spoiled by dad. 
Narcissists fear their own death the most as they have no soul
The lawyer refused to talk to me for ages and wont listen to anything I tell him really. It's like all I say goes straight through his ears so after he refused to reply to my offer to buy the whole estate together with my nice brother I stopped trying to communicate with that fucktard. I feel so hurt and badly treated by him that I came to hate the lying bastard. He's committed a crime to help my sister out, you know. He's supposed to be impartial, but I've gathered evidence that he's been lying to help her and also the closest brother to get all they wanted, while us two others would get nothing of what we asked for. We'd end up in the swampland, with a small piece of nothingness, and they'd get the whole farm, despite me saying I wanted to be bought out if they were to get the farm. We said we wanted to buy the farm, if possible, but he refused to even consider that possibility and told us we had too little connections to the place, while making it out like the brother visiting the place once every second year a few days had stronger. 

He promoted the sister like she almost lived there, while knowing she spends every second weekend in their house by the sea. The other weekends they entertain guests in their home in town. So when are they at the farm really? Once in neverland? The wicked thing is that after I took care of my sister all my youth and left home when she was 13 mother also moved away. Still she loves her mommy more! That wicked cow who dumped her to be raised by an emotionally wounded little girl who'd been physically and emotionally abused her whole life. Indeed a perfect parent of choice! Still I did my best for that little girl and honestly hoped I'd had done her good by always supporting her and cheering her on, like I never was. Mother stayed away from home for 7 years until my sister was 20, when she suddenly divorced dad. The very next year she helps her in convincing everyone dad just has given her a house! Maybe he did promise her it, but then he must have changed his mind, as he never signed it over to her. Not even the will says what mother claims to the lawyer, as it also says the house was to be given AFTER dad died. 
The paper I read clearly said that, so no questions. And what's more... It said to the price it has AFTER DAD IS GONE. Which is now. Not 1992, not 1996, but 2015 is the time the estate will be settled, hopefully. So that's what it said. But it was NOT A WILL, so it's not legally binding. And guess what? After all their hate and evilness I will NEVER agree to anything these nasty people want ever again. I want them OUT OF MY LIFE and out of my children's lives. All mother ever wanted was to get dad's estate sold. My sister almost wanted to settle the estate, but now mother has interfered too. Not only "crazy" closest brother, who's totally vile these days. So filled with hate that he makes up stories on top of his head to be able to hate me even more for things I've never done or said. Two crazy people both standing behind my sister who's lying her head off. Sweet combination. She's the one showing me her agreement with dad. Why? A touch of guilt for their plan to rip us off? Sentimentality for all the years I did EVERYTHING for her? Or just to frame me for talking about it afterwards, which is what she's done. 

BUT - our oldest brother walked in on us when she showed me it, so he knows that I'm telling the truth and she's a liar. That both our brother and mother do not care about that shows that they are all in on this scam. They did not budge one second when they found out I was telling the truth! So they both know and have agreed to smear me instead like this. I will not say any more now on this as I have a life to live and all this does is make me even more sure about my decision to NEVER have any more to do with either of these evil people ever again. Any doubts about their true intentions and agendas have slowly eroded away with every smear and lie they've put out. It's like the poem I wrote when I saw that my closest brother did not believe me - I need to leave them behind as they do NOT care for me at all. Everyone tell me this, that they want me to hurt and they wish me ill and that I need to understand these are very bad people doing such nasty stuff to me. I think I finally have gotten it and I need to leave them in the past where they belong. 
Narcissists think there is no eternal punishment for their crimes
Life can be beautiful when you keep beautiful people with you. Loving and honest people who just wish you to be friends. People who have suffered and come through and now just want peace and love in their lives. Normal enough people who's recovering from this life of conners and lying bastards that's we've been born into. Good people who treasure the woman who raised them in love, and don't stab her in the back cause a nasty cow who never cared for them bribes them with stuff. You know, mother once gave my sister a painting that she claimed was expensive. The way she said it I thought like 10000 kr or something. Guess what? It was worth ten to twenty times that much. Makes me wonder how much else she's given her darlings... I am pretty sure I will not get anything from her when she dies, as she's already made that clear back when we almost did not make it and had several small toddlers to take care of in the 90's. 

On dad's funeral she also told my oldest brother this nice news, that he'd not get a penny from her. Nice cow indeed... Oh, yes, she filed for the divorce 1½ month before I was due to give birth to her first grandchild. There are too many weird sick stunts and I most likely have only unravelled less then 1% of them, as I put them all in a dark corner and never looked at them. Ignored them all, just like all the shit my sister pulled at me. I am starting to remember and she's an evil cow that one too. I just loved her too much to understand she did such things just to bring me PAIN as she did as a child and kept doing again and again. The same sadistic stunts mother used to pull, more or less. Creating loss, confusion, guilt, just to see me squirm. God how much they must hate me, those two women! But like I warned my sister two years ago, she'll be met with Karma if she doesn't change her ways, if she lies under cursed oaths and acts against the powers of origin. No-one can fight the inevitable and there are lessons to learn here in PURGATORY nobody can outsmart with lies.

Luna IngRuna - Kärlekens Cirkel