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lördag 4 april 2015

Losing Control

Re-blogged from: http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/you-scream-narcissist-accuses-you-of-losing-control/

This post is about another blog that is very lovely to read for anyone like myself, who've suffered years of undiagnosed abuse from selfish, lying narcissists. We are quite many and we don't like it anymore. You can find teenagers revealing this in their families, and you can find 70 year olds that just realized this and finally broke free from life long relationships. It does not really matter what the age, people are waking up to these liars in hordes right now and they don't accept their behavior anymore. I'd call this waking up to the malignant people around us is the great awakening, as this is the same kind of people lying to us on all levels. Once we see them in our homes and families, we'll see them EVERYWHERE they are and we will not trust in them again. I will comment some more after this blog post:

You Scream – Narcissist Accuses You of Losing Control

Narcissistic personalities are master manipulators and control artists. Observing them from a detached angle is like viewing a master painter make fine, perfect brush strokes across his canvass. The application is flawless and effortless.
Spouses and children of narcissists are frequently ambushed by these masters of mood. They know how to read your nonverbals and record every tonal nuance of your voice. They are particularly skilled at activating your lowest emotional depths when you are feeling the most vulnerable. They intimidate and humiliate you on your core psychological issues. If you have severe abandonment issues, they threaten to leave you. If you cry easily, they work on your tender heart and watch you tear up and flow. They provoke feelings of anger and helplessness in their spouses by accusing them of lying, being duplicitous or betraying them.

They hit you over and over again until you can't hold it in any more and start screaming at them. You hear your voice reaching shrills and are shocked by its volume. When everything is quiet they stare at you coldly and say: "You have no self control. What the hell is the matter with you?" You shrink and feel so small that you want to disappear and never come back. On the heals of this attack they insinuate that you are "crazy" meaning that you have something very seriously wrong with your psyche and thinking processes. They convince you over time with these tactics that it is you who are severely disturbed. Spouses of narcissists and children of narcissists speak of the role that was given to them as the crazy, the mixed up one.

It is the narcissistic personality who is disturbed and bubbling with rage of Vesuvian proportions. When he/she accuses you of losing control, he is projecting these powerful feelings on to you. After all, in his eyes you are the inferior, the weaker one. According to his enormous ego, this individual has command of your life.
Break this cycle of abuse by first recognizing and understanding the true nature of the narcissist. This personality is deeply ingrained and very unlikely to change. The narcissist with all of his self absorption is consciously unaware of his internal psychological processes. These individuals tend not to awaken from the psychological belief that they are the perfect ones and others are at their disposal for exploitation and control and use as narcissistic supplies who will adore, obey and serve them.

Once you have this understanding your perspective changes. An essential part of this awakening is becoming self entitled to be treated with respect, empathy and caring. A program of self care must begin with the first step. This is foreign to those who are married to narcissists and children of narcissistic parents. Self care means that you get the sleep that you need, eat nourishing food that you enjoy, exercise that works for you. Spend time calming the body/mind through any number of methods: guided meditation on You Tube, cd's, etc., practicing gentle hatha yoga with emphasis on breathing through the nose. Bring beauty into your life each day in the smallest forms that make a huge difference. Enjoy each moment when you are outside and observing nature--even tiny gnats, the tweets of hummingbirds, the winds in tall grasses, the dancing of tree limbs. Trust your evolving self that is growing and becoming self sufficient and more grounded each day. Healing from the narcissist is not a straight line. It occurs over a period of time that is different for each person. Be patient and loving with yourself. You deserve it.

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD 
My comments: The first thing we need to understand here is that this teasing, taunting does not work as soon as we realize that there is no point in trying to explain anything to these teasers. They don't care. They are only out to bully you and taunt you to make you cry. They feel enjoyment when they see you in tears. The more horrible they can make you feel, the more joy they will feel. So as soon as we understand this fact we know there is no reason to speak to these cruel beings again. Ever. Unless you like to be tortured, that is, as they will do anything in their power to hurt you. The best way to hurt another being is to first gain their love and trust, and to make the other person think you truly care for them, by making all sorts of promises and act like realizing these promises is very important to you. That is what such people will do, to lure you into trusting them and having good feelings about them and it's very important you have or their let downs wont be felt as bad as they will do after they've managed to sneak into your heart. So they will do anything to make you care for them and believe they care for you. They will let you help them and act really appreciative, while in the midst say something belittling about your help, to make you feel bad for not being able to do more.

All these tricks is to role you back in and get you under their influence again, if you've avoided them due to old times hurts. But these people don't like their toys to run away so they will try to role you back in again with their cheap tricks. The easier they think you are to con into loving and believing them again, the cheaper their tricks will be. They will make as little effort as possible, so you will see on the amount of effort they make, what they truly think you are worth. If you are important to them their charm will be really on, and they might do alot of tricks to con you back. But if you are a very forgiving and loving person, who don't demand much in return, you will see that they hardly make any effort atall to get you back, and still behave like you obviously appreciate the small things they seemingly do. Most such people do for others are nothing more then illusions anyways, and in many cases they let you pay and do everything, while making you believe it's their work and that nothing of it would had happened without them. Like them telling you to buy stuff, make stuff and then the mere suggestion from them you should do it, gives them all the credit for all your hard work and all money you put into it.
As long as they believe that you are under their influence and that you care for them they will suddenly turn on you and twist the truth infront of others so to raise your irritation and eventually make you angry. They do this as they can use your upset to their advantage and if you've known such people your whole life you know this already when you become an adult, and you wont react this way openly or infront of them after that. In my case I stopped very early to rage on my little sister as I already when she was four noticed something was very wrong with her and it scared me. I realized that my upset over her behavior only made her look good and me bad, despite my reactions being totally understandable considering things she did and how she behaved. Already at that age she knew that whatever horrible things she did everyone would blame me for it. Nothing was her fault and she sure knew it and intended to use this fact to harm me as much as she could. And that scared me as whenever I opposed her she'd make some absolutely horrible revenge. The one I did fight with alot was however my closest brother and he loved to torture me and tease me.

I don't really remember exactly when I realized that he only said and did what he did to torture me and that he really knew he was just bullshitting me, as he could seem so serious, like he really believed his own bullshit. He did the same with his brother and that was when I truly could hear how he did to torture this sibling. It's hard to really hear when you are yourself under attack, as you feel so insulted by the sick projections and false accusations he tossed at you, but when you are a bystander it got totally clear. I could hear what both said and that the seemingly serious brother was actually twisting the truth and turning everything backwards, to make the older brother upset. He managed to make his brother so raging that he jumped on his younger brother to beat him up. I remember many times I ran into them and screamed at my closest brother to stop teasing his brother and that he twisted everything around. I've told him this many times, but eventually I realized that no matter how many times I revealed his dirty intent of making others hurt and upset, he would never stop until he himself wanted to. And it's very clear that this person never will stop wanting to harm others.
It's this very wish that the other person truly does not want harm unto others that makes us go back to more abuse. We want so hard to believe that they are hurting just as much as we are when we're arguing, that we project unto them this care and wish to re-connect and solve our issues. It's however only our own wishes and there is none of these wishes in our tormentors. They don't suffer from our fighting, but only if we refuse to fight with them. They hate it when we refuse to fight with them, when we refuse to scream and loose control, when we wont reply to their insults and lies. They hate when we don't rage at their insane lies and backward projections, but ignores all their crazy instead. That is the only thing they hate about all of this. What they don't care a bit about is to feel sorry for the row and for hurting you. They don't feel hurt for you falling out and being angry with each other, unless they feel that you've not behaved as they wished you had. That is, that they might be hurt you didn't act out and screamed at them, giving them proof to show off to everyone how crazy you are. They wish to stand there looking confused and bewildered, when others walk in on the quarrel, pretending to be the innocent victim.

When you see through their provocations, lies and nastiness and wont show them your upset, they will have no proof that their smear about your is true. That is the smear they've already been spreading far before they actually did their latest attack on you to make you get an reaction. Many times they do all sorts of little hints and traps to make you get upset over somethings. If there is a simple solution over something you wonder about, they will taunt you by refusing to come through and make you believe one thing, so they can later on, infront of others, show their proof. That's after they've conned you into thinking they had no proof, and never replying to your questions. That's so you will look stupid and a troublemaker when you refer back to their own words, that there is no real proof. This is a good trick as when you say the very words they've told you before, and they now sigh and role their eyes and pull out the "proof", which they refused to show or mention to you in private, you will look like a hopeless case that could not accept this obvious proof. Isn't that a gem? Well, this is the way such horrible people behave to make you suffer.
All of this is so much more effective as long as you hold onto that little hope that they do care for you. As soon as you get rid of that illusion they loose this upper hand. As soon as you stop trusting that they do wish you well, that they do want to do their best, that's when you wont fall for these evil tricks anymore. That's when you realize that all they do is setting traps and trying to make you look bad infront of others. And that's when you understand that you can never have anything more to do with these people, as everyone connected to them will be fooled into believing that you are friends with these liars, which you by now certainly are not. But as long as everyone else believe you are, they can keep doing their smear about you, so you must make it really clear to everyone that these people have nothing to do with you anymore. And you must also make clear that anyone trying to make you accept these horrible people as your friends again are violating your right to be left alone from nasty people wishing you ill. Like I said bullies like this will try to con you back with the least effort needed, so they can do you harm again, as your pain is very joyous to these devils.

The more years you've been forgiving to them the less effort they will make to get you back and at the end you will notice that they don't do anything at all, but keep up trying to harm you. That is always the end result of these deceivers mistreatment of others. That's when they've realized that you wont play their hurt games anymore and wont reply in angry outburst on their twisted lies anymore. When they see how you walk away, after they refused to stop lying and making up shit, they will start a huge smear campaign about you and try to pull as many in on their illusions about you. If not all of them are in on getting rid of you a few of their mob might try with as little effort as possible to make you come back and accept their hurtful and mean behavior. If one of the bullies does this she or he will however never tell you anything that happened to you actually did, but she or he will ask you to get over something else. That is the gas-lighting to make you feel stupid for being angry. They do this to make you forget the real argument and feel so stupid you come back and as long as you are under their enchantment this trick might work, but as long as you are thinking for yourself it wont.
I do believe that these people do think you've forgotten and forgiven all the shit they've done to you, but the truth is that you just got tired of being upset and decided to move on. You did also, back then, believe they were as sorry as you were and when they come back and pretend all is fine, you did believe they did this cause they felt really bad. But when the final little news flash lands into your consciousness, you truly realize that they never did this cause they were as sorry as you were, but to show that it didn't matter. All your upset and crying didn't matter to them. That they've stolen, lied or whatever they've done, it did not matter as you now are still their friend. So that is what this means, not that they are sorry. Remember that they never ever talk about what happened and if you try to bring it up, things immediately got really ugly. Remember that you were told that you were either imagining things, as what happened didn't, or you were told that you were obsessing over the same things and never could let go of anything. Whatever you were told you were never told the truth or that they acknowledged what had happened and that it was a hurtful thing that had occured.

There is very screwed sociopaths that might acknowledge this last part, about how hurtful it was, but they will make it out like as you are all equally guilty, despite they were the only ones saying lies and hurtful comments, and despite you only stating the truth and defending yourself against their horrible lies. These kind of people are the most dangerous as they will make everyone in your surroundings think the quarrel was between two equal people, doing equal harm to each other. The truth is the opposite as that person had a horde of bullies on their side and all of these people might had been attacking an innocent, lonely person. This is how bullies behave, making the one they bully seem equally guilty. It's a very hurtful thing for the one being attacked as they had all the right to defend themselves and are then accused for standing up for themselves, truth and justice, while the liar sits there and pretends to be hurt. Isn't that twisted to watch, the obvious liar pretending to be hurt when the one lied about defends themselves? It's so very annoying indeed.

Luna IngRuna - Kärlekens Cirkel

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